Menopause is really not that bad.

[DaisyRayi]

Misleading title kind of hoping for more traffic.

I could probably do some research and read up about it but what exactly is it that happens to women when they go through menopause.

You hear about women having their careers ruined etc.

Not comparing things but during pregnancy and post patrum I was feeling very doom and gloom but only realised the feelings were due to the pregnancy hormones now that I’m back to normal.

Do you have a reference for the thyroid levels / oestrogen claim? Thanks.

Well, I’m not sure if any man would actually be a…d to post and then read something like this.

I see several posters mention its ruined their career, can I ask how?

Well, it hasn't, quite, but it has pushed it into a backwater that I have to weigh up philosophically, and that requires a strong pillar of acceptance (or resignation, more properly).

Reasons for this include - and this is in an individual case, but from the info from various quarters here, it's not a totally outlying one:
Time spent on periods is unpredictable. If you are late, then the mental symptoms can ramp up for a week or 2, which include severe anxiety from out of nowhere, that then subsides when it's ready. For me it seems as much physical as internal, such as spasms down the base of the spine or a restless leg, when you know there is a demand (travelling - in particular; meeting; speaking...) on the horizon that in normal weeks would be nothing unusual. You can't control this.

While experiencing your period, I also find that instead of steady flow, incredible flooding can take place unpredictably and on and off over a few days. This is ok if you can run off to a loo when needed, but now imagine standing up from a panel of people or even from an office chair in the above meeting situation, and finding chair and clothing is covered in a lot of blood. You have to have a very tough hide to be able to style things like this out. You can't control this either.

The flood of blood has also made you lightheaded and you wonder if you're going to be sick. Travelling, this can be quite a problem. Can you control this? No.

You used to get bad headaches around period time, when you weren't menopausal, but thankfully, in one way, these have stopped. Instead, though, you have some times in a month when hormones trigger certain scents (perfumes, food and bleach, for example) to be very, very strong in your nose. Three quarters of the time this still doesn't happen to you. But if you think you're in danger of being sick in the above situation, then you are aware someone in your vicinity is wearing strong perfume and you cannot move away, what will this do to your chances of actually puking? Control of situation and appropriateness for also working unaffectedly? See above.

Finally, for a lot of the month, not just the 'hell week', you will go to sleep but will be woken by whatever happens to your body at 3am, night after night. Can you make that back up somewhere? Maybe, but...you.can't.control.this, and you have a job to do in a few hours.

Is there medication? Yes, but it takes time to get it and time to balance it. You know it may make things worse before it fixes anything.
Is this forever? No. But it could well be years, not 9 months like being pregnant.

Does this give you an idea of how it can erode your career and your confidence?

My symptoms included anxiety, hot sweats at night, brain fog, sadness, rage, itchy skin, sleepless nights, bloated stomach, weight gain, and aching joints. And possibly others that I ironically don't remember!
Prior to menopause I thought it was a case of hot flushes pretty much. Little did I know!.

Everyone is different of course and some do sail through it, but I wish I had have known more about how it can make you feel - even on HRT.
The more you can prepare yourself the easier it will be to speak to a Dr about your symptoms as depending on your healthcare professional, you may not automatically be offered HRT - despite your symptoms.

I can honestly say it has been horrible so far & I have been lucky enough to have been by supportive Dr's and nurses.

I gave up work because it just became too much. The joint pain, migraines and exhaustion (coupled with two or three hours sleep a night, indefinitely) completely wiped me out.

But the biggest factor was the brain fog. I had a role that was very fast-paced, and I’d need to spin twenty plates at a time. Now I couldn’t spin a single plate. I don’t know what day of the week it is, or indeed what month or year it is half the time. I feel like my IQ has dropped by about 100!

I’ll very often be talking, and it’s like a big door slams shut in my brain and suddenly mid-sentence I have no idea what I was talking about or where I was going with it. You can make as many lists as you like, but it won’t stop that happening or help you to remember where you put the bloody list!

Yes a very misleading title.

Some of us have had our lives destroyed by it. I had to give up work in my early 50s.

Those who have given up work, did you already have enough pension or another way to support yourself? Or do you get extended sick pay if you're not well enough to work for medical reasons?
There is no way I can give up work.

I found another way to support myself, which involved moving 250 miles away and starting a whole new life. The alternative woukd have been being unemployed as I actually got sacked " due to your mental health problems" when I tried to explain my symtoms. I was a contractor so had no come back at all.

I am 60 and I can honestly say that apart from a few hot flushes,I never had any problems going through the menopause. To be honest,I don't really know when my menopause started or finished! I had a Mirena IUS from when I was 35 right up until I was 54 (mainly for heavy, painful periods rather than for contraception) and I hadn't had a period for 12 years, between the ages of 42 and 54. So I'm not really aware of when they stopped because of the menopause. I do realise that I am quite unusual in that I had no problems and for that I am really grateful. I have every sympathy for women who do suffer numerous problems.

From British Thyroid Foundation, seems I was wrong.

Declining oestrogen levels may affect the thyroxine dose requiredYour thyroxine dose requirements may change during your menopause transition. This can relate to changing oestrogen levels and other factors, such as changes in your weight. It is usual for you to have a yearly blood test to check your thyroid levels, which will show if you need a change in your treatment dose.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)HRT is currently the most effective treatment for menopause symptoms. Therefore, it is recommended as a first-line treatment for such symptoms if you need treatment support.
Women with no pre-existing thyroid disorder and normal thyroid function usually adapt well to the effects of the HRT, and their thyroid function remains normal.
Thyroid replacement is not a contraindication to HRT. Women with pre-existing hypothyroidism may require an increase in their thyroxine dose after starting oral combined HRT because oral oestrogen changes the amount of thyroxine bound to proteins in your blood and can result in less free thyroid hormone that is available to do its job. Therefore it is helpful for thyroid function tests to be re-checked after starting tablet-combined HRT.
When oestrogen is given through the skin by gel, spray or patch, the dose of thyroxine should not be affected. Progesterone in HRT is not expected to significantly impact thyroid replacement doses.

I'm 43 and the thing I'm struggling with is the acceptance that my best years are well and truly behind me. Life is only going to go downhill from hereonin in reality.

If you mean your best years as a backup dancer wearing gold hotpants, that is possibly correct - but I would say your best years are really ahead of you. That is provided you work on your attitude and take care of your health.

43 is ridiculously young to write yourself off as old and past it and about to break down.

@shamrockshake But in reality at 43 I am beyond my "best before" date! Life is just going to be about carrying on working until I'm at least 70 and getting older and less well. The "exciting" moments in life - getting married, having children etc - they've already been and gone.

Well, that is your perspective, I guess. I don't view marriage or children as exciting moments. People in their seventies and beyond can be healthy and active and very happy. You might find now is a good time to look into that. Lots of books and online info on the topic of ageing well are out there now.

@shamrockshake I don't even want to think about getting past 50!!

@shamrockshake peoples bodies do decline as you age,. If you exercise and are lucky you may still be fit, but you can never be as fit as a younger person can. Put bluntly, it is not 50 year olds winning olympic medals and setting world records.

I'm not talking about being fit or winning medals, I'm talking about having a happy healthy life with a body you inhabit, move, and enjoy.

But you reap what you sow.

Being able bodied does not mean you are happy, and being disabled does not mean you are unhappy.

You seem determined to misread my statements.

Perimenopause decided to start rather conveniently after my 3rd baby was born in 2020, and coupled with horrendous post natal depression, I think the past 3 years have gone pretty horribly health-wise.

Oh, and given that I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome in 2015, then got injured by an off label antipsychotic prescribed after (which gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined, where parts of me like my mouth and tongue have involuntary movements), life is peachy...!

Tinnitus, gingivitis, awful brain fog and empty headed feelings, hideous sore tongue and burning mouth, horrendous mood swings and anxiety... yep, i love being a woman and being me. I am so not looking forward to 30 more years of this shit.

Yes I have had a positive attitude and practice gratitude etc but it doesn't take away any of thr brokenness of my brain and body that is slowly falling apart. As a PP said, life has definitely been better before this stage 😒😫💔

Dealing with it now. It’s been a walk in the park compared to other life stages.

i don’t appreciate the current medicalization of natural life cycles. What we need is awareness that if women say they are having difficulties, they should be heard. Doctors should take the time, listen to symptoms, rule out serious conditions, and if nothing else explains the issues, talk about the pros and cons of hormonal therapy with the patient. We shouldn’t be on an assembly line to HRT for everything that ails us any more than we should have birth control pills tossed our way for every problem in our 20s.

Thank you to all the additional people posting.

It is really interesting and informative to read everyone’s experiences and views.

Some might find it hard to believe but I was very ignorant of the menopause and only actually realise there is such thing when the media started talking about it. I’m not close to my mother who lives abroad but number of years ago when I visited in winter she would complain all the time how hot she was. Only years later when all the talk in media a put two and two together.

I understand why media is only talking about the bad things in respect of menopause. That’s why it is really helpful to hear from real people here. Yes, there will be publications and research but getting the varied unfiltered perspective from lot of different women on here is very informative and helpful.

That's fine. Many of us were on our knees by the time they gave us HRT, it wasn't 'tossed our way'. I had to provide a years worth of Fitbit data to get mine.

If you don't need it fine, but your disgusting attitude is part of the problem.

To Horsesarebetterthanhumans please see another doctor as you are in peri-menopause and yes you can use hrt. That doctor you saw must have no idea what he is talking about. There is help available so pls seek another doctor as hrt stopped my memory loss which got quite bad, hot flushes, tingles and pains in bones, so many other things, it can take a while to get the right dose but when you do it makes such a difference. Do not suffer in silence.
This question is just to try to rile us women up. Probably a man asking.

I was pretty ignorant about it until it hit me at 52, vaginal atrophy was my biggest problem, so bloody painful. I will need estrogen for life or else it will just come back, I call it my WD40 🤣

I lost my libido completely, even though I still found my husband sexy I just didn’t want sexy time. Bring on the testosterone, within 2 weeks a switch had flicked on, bloody brilliant. My energy is better and my poor hubby can’t keep up, I’m banished to the spare bed some nights so he can sleep, my G.P finds it hilarious. I have now reduced the testosterone a little to control my rampant libido, honestly it’s all I thought about 😝