My friend, let's name her Mary is friends with Ann and Jo. I have met Jo a few times & we get on. I'm not a direct friend but I would socialise with her when with Mary and Ann.
Jo has organised a weekend trip this year. Mary got on to me a few months ago and said I have to go, last year's was so much fun. A Whatsapp group of 15 people was set up and all said they were in. I don't know anyone except for Ann, Mary and Jo. Jo booked her flights, Mary said she'd book when she had a free minute and I said I'd book on payday. Payday came, I spent 300 euro on flights. Radio silence from Ann & Mary.
I PM'd Mary to ask was she booking and she said she wasn't sure now, she's going to try for another baby and will have to see closer to the time. I was miffed as there was no indication before this that were was any doubt, & while I realise having a baby is a priority, a heads up would've been good as I don't really know anyone else going & was missing a good friends hen party to attend this trip. I also am aware trying for a baby is private so no need to share those details. Just a "I mightn't be able to go for personal reasons, just in case that affects you wanting to go" kind of thing.
Weeks later, I'm having dinner with Mary. She drops in she's going on a weekend away with Ann and did I want to come on xxx date - the same date of Jo's trip! I said no as I'm going on Jo's trip? Mary said "oh is that the same weekend?" Then said she wasn't sure about going on Jo's trip as it was a different group of pals and her and Ann didn't like them. They told Jo they are not sure about their trip, as both trying for babies.
I was annoyed as felt I could have been given some indication they may not be going as I wouldn't have booked otherwise. Financially, I could have done without a trip where I know 1 acquaintance and the rest are strangers.
I voice-noted Mary this morning - a nice message with general chit chat & brought up re Jo's trip. I said nicely, a heads up would have been good & while I'm not trying to make them feel bad, I feel awkward about going and I wouldn't have booked if I'd known they may not be able to go.
I got some long texts back about being stressed due to a variety of personal goings on, that she didn't know she would be trying for a baby, this trip was far down list of her priorities, she's mixed up the dates and her and Ann's trip is not the same weekend & nothing to stop me heading on my own or cancelling and going to my friends hen (at a significant expense now as can't get refund for flights).
I replied to say I was unaware of all that going on and that's completely understandable - from my perspective I'd been told a few different things and was confused but that's all fine.
She kept going and said I was told a few different things as there's hopes and reality and reality happens quite often for most people. Again I said I understand, but I'm not a mind-reader and could only go but what I was told and what is in messages and I have more of an understanding now. Have had no response since except a thumbs up and now feel really awkward and bad. Was it correct to call her out without knowing all the details of what was happening with her? I just feel like I couldn't have known only what I was told. I feel awful now. She is a very close friend.