I’ve reported this TikTok psycho to his employer?

[DolceGoldie]

I’m not sure if I should’ve done this and I’m having some regrets now. Last night, got into a bit of a spat on TikTok my first ever and I’m embarrassed.

Saw a video of a man building a “titanic” slide for his kids where he got them to slide and then pretend they were dying. Lots of comments, and in my wine and emotional (period) state I commented that it wasn’t really funny as over 2000 people died in the titanic including children. That was it.

Two hours later check my phone and he’s sent me a barrage of abuse, including saying I should shut my mouth, get my face to take a shit? And then he hopes I die in a fatal car crash and that I get raped and murdered and that I’ve made a “fatal mistake”. Truly vile in comparison to my comments about the titanic. He had blocked me so I couldn’t respond, not that I would’ve wanted to instigate it or bothered.

So I go onto his page to have a nosy, and he’s got his full pics and videos of him playing with kids, and videos of him working for his employer including a badge and their name- so in my fury I emailed his employer telling them that this kind of person is saying these things and representing their brand and that violence against women even suggestive isn’t on. I attached a screenshot of some of the comments.

Now I feel a bit stupid and nervous this morning as it was only a TikTok spat and I’ve escalated it, at the same time why do men get away with speaking to you like that? I didn’t have anything identifying in my email or TikTok to my name or location.

He posted a video on TikTok. It's a public platform. Whether or not you should have commented is completely irrelevant. The facility was there to do so. He just didn't like your comment. His reaction was disproportionate and threatening and I honestly think you did the right thing reporting him to his employer.

Just as an aside, a local baker posted a photo on our community facebook page of a Titanic cake they had baked for a customer. It was half way under the 'sea', stern aloft, complete with offending iceberg. It just felt like all shades of wrong to me, even though it was an absolute work of art.

You did the right thing. Imagine knowing a male member of your family had done that. You'd be horrified. Id tell the police tbh. He's threatened you.

Don't post them Op x

@CrashyTime

Last year I was threatened by a man at a busy petrol station because I wasn't getting out of the car to go to the kiosk quick enough. When I politely called over to him that I was obviously doing so and told him to relax he called me a fucking bitch and said words along the lines of "trust me I am relaxed just wait and see when I'm not ".

This was in front of at least 10 other people several of whom were men.

Yes he didn't hurt me. But I was terrified.

Minimising threats like the ones the guy in the OP did lis not a good look.

Ahh, I see, so that’s your motive, you feel men need protecting. So you came on to a thread where a man had said something fucking vile to a woman, nothing new, most of us have experienced this, and you were driven to remind all of us stupid idiots, that women can do bad things too, just so that with us all being so inferior to you, we don’t interpret the OP to mean ALL men are bad and ALL women are good. What a valuable service you’re providing 🙄

I’m so sorry you received that OP! What an message! I think you did the right thing with reporting him to his employer because it just goes beyond. If you wear their uniform on your page you are representing them after all.

Nowadayd, if a woman did say that too, I'd question if that person is actually a woman or a larper.

@CrashyTime isn't there a bridge you should be sitting under?

Thankfully the police disagree with you.

I question the sense of your NAMALTing. It's tedious and obvious.

@CrashyTime
I would think telling someone they'd made a 'fatal mistake' after discussing how the victim should be raped is somewhat threatening, no?

Really?

The OP did nothing wrong.

Sometimes it is very, very obvious when a poster is male.

You offered your opinion, which is completely normal unless comments disabled!

Women are allowed to do this and should not expect a barrage of misogynist abuse inciting violence as a response.

Well done for reporting. He mustn't feel it's ok to move through the world treating women like this.

Not a criticism of you, OP, but I'm so saddened that women are rarely empowered to feel they even deserve rights. And other kind of hateful abuse and people tend to see it clearly and have no issues reporting. But misogyny has women second guessing themselves.

YANBU to report this man, although I personally would have rolled my eyes but not engaged with him to begin with.

However, while we are on the subject of calling people out for distasteful comments on social media, I didn't like your use of the word "psycho" when you mean "unpleasant/aggressive" - we're trying to move away from terms like this that stigmatise mental illness.

The last survivor of the Titanic died in 2009. I don't think the "comedy" train has quite arrived on that one yet.

Looks like it’s bye bye to @CrashyTime . Talk about MRA!

I agree with this. He was posting something on a public platform and so is open to comments. If he can’t take the mildest of negative comments he shouldnt be posting.

His response was horrendous. I actually think you were right to pass it on to his employer. He’s publically identifiable as working for them and is doubtless in breach of their social media conduct policy assuming they have one.

When you consider that some people have had visits from the police for saying that a man isn't a woman, this kind of threatening abuse seems a great deal worse, illegal and much more in need of police action.

I would feel the need to be safe from this irrational outpouring, just in case he did decide to take things further.
It sounds like harassment, alarm and distress to me.

Additionally, if he has shown where he works, at the least, he is bringing his employer or firm into disrepute.
Even if he is a builder, as someone remarked upthread - would you want this person working in your house? And be alone with them, perhaps?
Or if his employment involved any kind of customer interaction, his attitude to women, and to someone disagreeing with him, is questionable.

As a social worker, I would also question his parenting capacity, should his children disagree with him, and ask what kind of a role model he represents.

Along with so many online idiots, he is displaying the attitudes of a toddler.

Surely it's a police matter..?

It is horrible it's not all silly dances or whatever it makes out to be!

Oh so victim-blame instead of blaming the abusive man, because 'she deserved it'. Your attitude is as disgusting and misogynistic as his words are. Nothing, absolutely nothing she said deserved him wishing she were raped, wtf is wrong with you?!??

OP, you did the right thing. If you saw his friends listed (on facebook or tiktok or wherever) I would message them too with the screenshots, particularly if they are female and members of his family, so they can see what a maggot he is.