What would you do? Friend asking for money AGAIN

[picolosmum]

What would you do in the following situation and am I being tight and unreasonable?

I have a friend, who isn’t a best friend but someone I do see a few times a month if we are both free, sometimes with children, sometimes without. Happy to help this friend where I can but does feel like it’s start to be a bit of a piss take now.

This friend is a single mum, which I empathise with as I know she doesn’t have it easy mentally (feels lonely) or financially (doesn’t work). This mum lives solely off of benefits (not judging that). My gripe is she is in her late 30s and awful at money management - benefits pay her and a week later she’s skint because she’s spent £90 on non essential items like rugs, candles etc and asking me for money for her direct debits so they don’t bounce.

in the past two months I have done 2 large food/toiletry/pet food shops for her, gave her £25 for her phone bill, money for her fags three times, now she’s asked to borrow £20 again (for something she genuinely needs) and I just don’t want to help but feel obliged to and feel guilty if I don’t. I just think learn to manage your finances better, it’s not my problem. However I’m too nice to say no and I hate it. She’s always grateful of the help but now I feel she may be taking advantage. I have also spent £100 this month on two trips out for us as a little pick her up treat.

Thing is I can’t tell her I don’t have the money, without disclosing my job, it’s obvious I have spare money.

what would you do? I don’t feel comfortable saying no or learn to manage your own money. Help!!

I’m just wondering if there are others like you supporting this woman - she probably thinks she’s onto a good thing.

Stop giving her cash immediately.

Tell her you don't have any spare cash and that you expect her to pay you back, you have forked out enough money already.

Then tell her you are not a cash machine.

She might get the message, if she tries to guilt trip you over it tell you'll start charging her interest on what she owes you already.

She needs the Mumsnet CF award.

@picolosmum - with all of the advice on how to say no, and to cease giving this woman any more money, what have you decided to do?

Has she asked you since you started this thread for any more money? How did you get on saying no to her?

Tell her no encourage her to stop smoking you dont so why are you buying her fags nobody has the right to know how much you earn

I cannot possibly imagine what you like or have in common with this lazy scrounger.

Why on earth you would give her money again too. I am often baffled by how readily women offer themselves up as pushovers.

OP, every single penny you have given this person, you have taken from your children. Even if you can afford it, I don't know why anyone would do this. She sounds like an absolute loser and a lost cause.

You have been more than generous with treating her to trips out. And sorry but if she can afford to smoke she can afford to pay her own way. I say that as an ex smoker!

Just because you are well paid doesnt mean you have spare money so stay strong and say no!

Just say no

For the love of God stop giving this woman money! 🙈 She probably has a whole group of people she's going to hit up for money etc. Not your responsibility. Guaranteed she enjoying the money she should be spending on essentials and poor mouthing about not having enough

Has she got mental health issues? If so is that why you've been being kind?
You might want to consider how you say no, do it firmly but kindly.

@picolosmum have you told her yet?

Be upfront and tell her you can't afford an more, otherwise she will never try to live frugally.

She doesn't know what your job is?

I have a friend ( I use that losely) like this we aren't close she has asked to borrow money a few times she was struggling I wasn't so helped her out I got paid back the first few times the last time she needed gas and electric I sent her the money and she never paid me back then had the cheek to message asking for more I just simply said I can't sorry she has since messaged a few times and she gets the same response . She had me pegged as a soft touch that would fall for her sob story's but no one needs £50 at 2 am on a Saturday morning for gas and electric or food I know exactly what she wanted it for and not a chance I was giving her the money

Just say no. Firmly. How will she ever grow up if you don't?

Sorry op but you are being used and I do feel you know it too. Time to cut ties and have some respect for yourself you’re being beyond nice and are making yourself a martyr

The nicest thing you could do for her is to tell her you'll pay for hypnotherapy for her to give up smoking.
I was just saying today, I've saved 5k since giving up, and that's based on 2019 prices, and I was not a heavy smoker.I don't know how someone not earning good money can afford to smoke, but it's not easy to give up. It's not just a question of not smoking when your cash flow is low. If you can do this for her, you'll be helping her longterm.

She keeps asking you because you have no boundaries. Why are you letting this happen? You’d be better off spending it getting mug tattooed on your forehead.
Everyone who I know in situations like this are crap with money, feel like they’re the victim and you “owe” them because you have money and they don’t. They have no shame in asking you because their brains justify the situation by being utterly convinced that they are owed this, and they deserve it.

You are paying a freeloader's living expenses.....

I am sorry but I am no longer able to lend you any money.

I wonder if she will still be your friend then.

This isn’t the 1st time someone has asked this question, but the OP can’t/won’t give an answer.
Sorry, that’s me outta here! There’s something odd.

You were absolutely not being tight. You were being extraordinarily generous and
you were being taken advantage of. Helping out a friend in an emergency, as a one-off, yes, of course.
Bur subsidising her lifestyle, again and again.....no!

Can I just see your forehead? Yes, it DOES have MUG tattooed on it! Sorry, I know you sound like a genuinely nice person - but that is EXACTLY why she's now taking advantage of you! You're lovely, you want to help, but holding on to YOUR money, that you have earned, is the only way you'll find out how genuine this friendship now is. I suspect once you start withholding funds, your friendship will slip away, as she looks for another victim to fleece. * I'd NEVER be buying someone's fag's for them, that WON'T buy themselves the basics!

Picklelily99

Why have you resurrected a Zombie thread?

The original post you so carefully copied and pasted was A YEAR AGO and the latest post before yours was in August last year!!!!