To hate workplace collections?

[LOTR]

I know how petty this all is. But it's annoying me and I wanted to ask opinions.

I don't expect gifts really from work (staff team of 45) on births, leaving etc but my workplace do collections for each person and sometimes do whole staff briefings to give people a send off to explain as backstory. Big birthdays and weddings also get this treatment. Tbf there is definitely a bias towards SMT getting larger gifts and birthdays remembered.

I've worked in this primary school for 10 years. I feel like I get on with pretty much the whole team, I'm helpful, I work hard and there's maybe three people I'm not fond of but I've never actually fallen out with. My first pregnancy, I received £10 worth of gifts on my last day, signed by 3 people in my phase (2 of whom are the ones I'm not incredibly fond of). No goodbye thing sorted by the workplace like a staff briefing or anything. Really upset me at the time because I struggle with anxiety and it felt like I'd been forgotten and potentially sabotaged by the two I was unfortunate enough in those last few months to be working with. One of them, I covered her sickness leave for early pregnancy which involved a huge amount of extra work leading up to my due date. I've watched over the last two years as people have been presented with £100 worth of gifts and flowers and had a last briefing with everyone to say bye and been quietly jealous (not the most attractive emotion, I know!).

After a miscarriage, I'm now expecting again. Another girl is leaving in three weeks and I'm very aware due to the email round asking for funds and the staff briefing planned, that they are having a send off.

I keep attempting to tell myself it is just petty nonsense. I would rather no one got anything rather than it be so unfair and badly organised!

AIBU to care? What does your workplace do for leavers and celebrations?

YANBU. You need to bite the bullet and opt out. Don’t actively donate and if someone asks you for money, say ‘I’ll get my own card’ or ‘I thought all that had stopped as I didn’t get anything when I left on mat leave’.

I get it. A lady went on maternity leave a few months before me and got a huge send off, lunch together on her last day and gifts worth ££££. When it was my turn I just left without anything.. then once baby was born I did get 1 baby towel delivered with a congrats note. Which ok, nice to have 'something' but it was quite hurtful compared. I'd just opt out in future to be honest. I think it's mostly down to bad organisation rather than anything sinister.

Our work does and it’s about twice the size of yours. It’s organised by staff not a company thing or something the big bosses get involved in. If another staff member didn’t organise it would not happen, not aware of this happening at all but could have.

I hate how these situations are allowed to develop. Either make a system to ensure everyone is remembered or don't do it at all. That being said, I do notice that being forgotten often happens to thoes who make no ir little mention of the 'thing', thoes who get a big fuss have shared their excitement/fear/details of the thing. And i don't mean thay they have been attention grabbing nightmares m, I just mean forthcoming with information.

I hate this too. There's something every month, then we go on farewell or keeping in touch lunches too (which we pay for out our own pocket, and are 'optional' apparently but it's frowned upon if you don't go).

It's birthdays, leaving, weddings, babies, retirements. I'd almost be able to cope with the one-off occasions, it's the birthdays that are my main bug bear.

We don't earn much either so it's a bit unfair that management expect contributions and don't consider our financial circumstances.

I’m a senior manager. I refused a collection when I left my last post. I have too many memories of having to put money in for high earners years ago when I was earning £20k - which felt really unfair. I think it’s ridiculous and don’t understand why more people can’t see how unfair it can be on staff.

Fortunately at my workplace they very rarely happen and when they do they are not organised by SLT.

Other than maybe for extended ill health where it’s nice to remember / cheer someone up who is absent from work with a card and express “miss you” I don’t really see the point!

We have a fund, a list of members, their birthdays and a list of what gets a present and to what value. Round birthdays, births, marriages, serious illness etc. Everyone gets the same amount. When the funds are low, we get an email asking for ten quid and I think I've paid in 3 times in 5 years.
If you're not a member then your colleagues might organise something. The amount you give is always 20kr which is about £2, and it is only if you want to.

We stopped doing them altogether cost of living and all that. They aren't pals they are colleagues

I hated them too. The inequality was staggering at times. I stopped contributing in the end.
When I first started work within the civil service I thought you had to make a contribution and sign the card but as I grew more confident I had no qualms saying ‘no’ and the same went for sponsoring and charity collections.
when you work in a large office all these came round with ridiculous frequency.
I was also very suspicious that the amount collected was never transparent and the same people jumped at the chance to wander around collecting.

I don't really mind. Though I must admit I feel like I have given out more than I have received.

I no longer live in the UK, but one thing that used to really annoy me was people coming up to you at your desk expecting you to donate to their sponsored bike ride or whatever for charity. Often people you barely know. Could be quite awkward as the charities were often not be known, and even if you did know the charity it might not be one that I would normally donate to. (This sort of collection does not happen in my current country)

I was an office manager and we didn't do anything for birthdays. There's be several a week and just too much. We did cards and collection for weddings, babies and leaving. But the collection wasn't brought round unless it was super empty and the card nearly blank. Most would just come and do it when asked by email. I never ever put in one penny. Lol. The company would also give a gift worth about £40 for these events on top of the card and collection.
I never got anything when I left. I also opted out of secret Santa after being given a £1.20 packet of co-op stilton. Haha.

I remember feeling like this when I was pregnant and watched two people go off before me with big send offs. They did make the same amount of effort for me too but I remember being anxious about how I’d feel if they didn’t And telling myself it didn’t matter but it did really.
Im now a bit more pro active in making sure these things are organised and that people aren’t forgotten. We do online collection pots now and it works better as people contribute the same amount of money as they can see what people have put in and it’s not dependent on people having cash on them which I never have

I totally understand. My friend is a charge nurse and no one particularly likes her husband and to be fair he is a plum and when they married, she was so upset at £20 . When the wedding before got £300 .

Personally unless there is a cap. Like in my previous workplace at Christmas you take a name out of the hat and buy something with the value up to £10 they shouldn't take place.

It should be a non obligation thing and a personal individual thing, where if people want to get something, they have that right of course but not emails sent and that pressure .

I'm my team it's only happened once and it seemed like an exercise for one employee to get in the good books with a manager. It's the first time I've ever been told everyone needs to put in the same amount. Cheeky fuckers. I ended contributing half the amount as I get paid half of what everyone else does. 🙄

I don't mind contributing when it's totally anonymous and the emphasis is on getting as many people to sign the card as possible. My old department was much more fair about collections. It was only for big occasions and the managers would top up the amount to make sure the same was spent on everyone.

I agree with the premise of your argument OP, though you seem more upset that you didn’t get a nicer present/send off. I would have felt this way regardless of what colleagues did/didn't do for me personally. It’s an unnecessary work tradition that people can feel pressured to contribute to.

I think they should be abolished. I'm not saying this out of bitter sweet feelings as I received lovely gifts back in the day, but as you grow older, and wiser, you realise that that it is all pointless. These people are colleagues, not friends, and years later you'll be lucky if you can even remember their names.

I worked for a small company that did a £25 gift from the company and card that everyone signed for births and marriages.

Saved a lot of hassle, until the woman in charge of it developed a hugely inappropriate crush on another staff member and bought him waaaaaaaay too many gifts.

OP, do you contribute to the collections of others, or do you opt out of some?

If you opt out of some, I'm not surprised they didn't go all out for you tbh.

Where I work the unofficial rule seems to be big birthdays (30,40 etc) leaving/retirement, weddings and babies. I assume funerals too but luckily we've not had one of those so far.

It is unofficial though so the amount of thought and planning that goes into this varies depending on your manager/team or how close you are to people at work.

Some people are organised and proactive with a collection set up well in advance of the event with a few email reminders and a lunch or night out organised. Others are a bit - oh shit Julie is 50 next week let's throw something together quickly.

It seems to be luck of the draw really but If I'm there at my next big birthday I'd rather not have the fuss and for people not feel like they need to contribute when money is tight for so many.

If someone is okay to offend you, you should be happy to offend them.

A nice email with everyone a recipient,
"As you fuckers did fuck all for me when I left, get fucked."

Or words to effect (affect?)

Once I was forced to do a collection for someone who was leaving by my senior manager, most contributed £5 but a lot didn’t want to contribute as the person leaving was not the nicest person. When I brought the gift the senior manager was furious that’s “all we got” I explained the situation so he dragged everyone into a team meeting and demanded they are more generous with their donations. I felt mortified as people had the right to say no, also just meant I was out of pocket as people that said they would donate in the meeting never did so I just had to pay more. I was very young at the time but now I just opt out

Does get annoying, especially like where I work, the lower earners are chipping in for higher earners who are leaving for secondment or another high paying job. Also, I've noticed it tends to be the same people who organise whip rounds. Makes you wonder how much actually gets raised and how much is actually spent (& not pinched).

That said, secret Satan is a lot of fun and at least no one gets left out.

Many years ago my OH was doing a minimum wage job at a family run business.They were disgusted when he refused to contribute 10 pound towards buying the millionaire owner a bottle of Champagne for a special Birthday.He stood his ground and explained money was tight and the Owner already had bottles of Champagne.Other low paid staff unwillingly contributed as they were too embarrassed to refuse.