To hate workplace collections?

[LOTR]

I know how petty this all is. But it's annoying me and I wanted to ask opinions.

I don't expect gifts really from work (staff team of 45) on births, leaving etc but my workplace do collections for each person and sometimes do whole staff briefings to give people a send off to explain as backstory. Big birthdays and weddings also get this treatment. Tbf there is definitely a bias towards SMT getting larger gifts and birthdays remembered.

I've worked in this primary school for 10 years. I feel like I get on with pretty much the whole team, I'm helpful, I work hard and there's maybe three people I'm not fond of but I've never actually fallen out with. My first pregnancy, I received £10 worth of gifts on my last day, signed by 3 people in my phase (2 of whom are the ones I'm not incredibly fond of). No goodbye thing sorted by the workplace like a staff briefing or anything. Really upset me at the time because I struggle with anxiety and it felt like I'd been forgotten and potentially sabotaged by the two I was unfortunate enough in those last few months to be working with. One of them, I covered her sickness leave for early pregnancy which involved a huge amount of extra work leading up to my due date. I've watched over the last two years as people have been presented with £100 worth of gifts and flowers and had a last briefing with everyone to say bye and been quietly jealous (not the most attractive emotion, I know!).

After a miscarriage, I'm now expecting again. Another girl is leaving in three weeks and I'm very aware due to the email round asking for funds and the staff briefing planned, that they are having a send off.

I keep attempting to tell myself it is just petty nonsense. I would rather no one got anything rather than it be so unfair and badly organised!

AIBU to care? What does your workplace do for leavers and celebrations?

A bit of Yabu, a bit of yanbu I don’t think it should all be about the collection. The best place I worked will do an Employer gift for maternity leave and leavers who have been at the company two years (usually about £20 for a bunch of flowers or a bottle of wine and chocs or sometimes just an Amazon voucher).

We always now do staff collections online with an online card so no one has to contribute, and encourage people to at less sign and send best wishes. I find it disheartening how few people take the 30 seconds to click the link and write a quick “best of luck, hope new baby/new job go well”. It’s just courtesy.

I do see that people like recognition in different ways. But I’ve also seen that whole-team celebration of life events can be really important to build culture and a sense of team spirit, whether you work F2F or wfh. I think it is important when people leave that remaining staff know their contribution was valued and people will miss them. And when people go on maternity or paternity leave, you know they will be coming back after a life-altering event. We need reasons to celebrate and connect with other people.

If someone cannot abide a cringey team send off, I’ll always let them quietly request to avoid and then usually I’d suggest close colleagues email separately their best wishes and/or organise a quiet lunch together.

As a manager of someone in my team has a collection I always think “would I buy this employee a few glasses of Prosecco in a nice bar” and then contribute to the collection accordingly. If it’s a maternity leave I usually chuck in about £30. I never give much to management! If I like them, maybe £2. Management earn enough and usually don’t expect a huge pot in my experience.

YANBU

I had the same situation many moons ago.

A milestone birthday, wedding and my first DD. Got nothing for the first two and only got something for maternity after receiving an email (logged on remotely to stay in touch with some fave colleagues - days before Facebook) asking for a contribution for a managers maternity. I got really pissed off so replied something along the lines of "seriously?!"

Then had to pop to the office (can't remember what for but unrelated) and got a measly gift card amount and a card signed by a handful of people in a large office. My manger then proudly announced this is why I wanted you to come in! Yeah sure you did. I was there for something for myself (but expected) and that's why the gift card had that days date on the receipt?

Fuck 'Em. Glad I didn't go back.

Over a decade ago but still salty 🤣

I should add I didn't actually care about the gift but seeing so few names because of the last minute panic following my email did hurt 😞

My work have now started doing bank transfers. I despise it, they know exactly how much you put in. An envelope you can get away with a quid or two.

I haven't contributed to one recently and been 'called out' directly by sending an email to my manager 'did I not add you to the group hehe' absolutely gross, knew dull well they had. Now I feel I must contribute.

The chances are this is different people organising at different times. Eg, teacher from class 1 organised the collection for TA in class 1 leaving. Admin 1 collected for admin 2 who was leaving?

Different people, different levels of pestering people, different times of who can afford what, different relationships eg people are more likely to throw in for someone who they actually know and get along with as apposed to someone who they've heard their name but don't know them.

For birthdays we can choose to pay £5 into a fund each month and we get £50 on birthday, plus a card - £60 for a "big birthday. We can do the same to save for Christmas - both optional.
We someone leaves, there is an envelope and someone who has been in the job 20++ years buts a £ figure by their initials. It Is Expected that you match this. I say fuck you and put my initials and "paid". Invariably senior staff / employers but more in for the Jolly Good Chaps who have longer service, and someone in the pbi who only been there a couple of years get less.
My feeling - don't expect, you won't be disappointed.

I've had it at previous jobs where they've been organised by an over zealous colleague. Always female, never male, strange that?
I now work with only men and don't get so much as a happy birthday, I love it. The boss is generous with bonuses, gifts and other benefits so we don't feel hard done by.

I think about this. I've been in the same team for decades and I haven't had children, so by the time I retire I'll have had two boquet's of flowers and one sort of sympaty gift, plus whatever I'm given or not upon my retirement. But I'll have given approximately £40 a year towards other's events. I do sometimes opt out, but I'm senior and also feel it's a minimal effort gesture of goodwill.

@Dacadactyl prior to my first maternity leave, I gave to pretty much all the collections. After I returned from mat leave I mentally said 'f this'. I now give to some, depending on income - I'm low paid and will contribute to people who have similar wage packets to me and if I have money - we are on a tight income at present.

Good! How have the collectors taken this?

How unfair for you I'm sorry

This is a good solution. Maybe you should suggest it.

My workplace does massive collections for marriages and births, and then leavers it depends on how well-liked the person is as to how much they get. I've contributed thousands over the years and never received anything as I've never married, given birth or left.

I hate the collections with a fiery passion now!

I work part-time and I simply can't afford to contribute anything to this type of stuff. I don't feel guilty about it.

LOL at this! There speaks a person who has NEVER organised a whip round.

On occasion I have had to chip in "twice" to top up collections to a reasonable amount.

the amount of thought and planning that goes into this varies depending on your manager/team or how close you are to people at work
That’s it really. Your feelings are valid but you can’t prevent others from organising something for their teammates just because yours are not as proactive.

YANBU

Doing individuals for a staff team that large sound unwieldy.

I'm a part-time teacher at a secondary school. We have annual staff subs for the large collections (which is linked to pay to some extent). That costs me less than the individual department collections per person.

My department is large (approx. 20 people as we have so many part-timers) and since Covid cash has gone out of the window and the contributions increased people feel tight to send less than £10. Thankfully we don't do birthdays but it has made me feel uncomfortable in the last couple of years, especially as leavers are usually all at the same time and the £10 has almost become a flat rate. So you'll get the same whether you've been with us for a year or twenty years. I would say something but I don't want to take it on...

I mean I don't want to take on the job of organising and buying leaving/maternity/wedding gifts and I know that would be the solution if I challenged it/made any suggestions...I will [selfishly] keep putting in my tenner and hope that the people who can't afford as easily it put in less, the problem is I really don't think that is the case.

Exactly this, in the old days it was easy just to discreetly pass the envelope on. Now we're mostly from home we get asked to PayPal or transfer cash.

Putting some pound coins in an envelope feels very different than a bank transfer so I end up feeling tight and giving at least a fiver to someone I never speak to!

Last time I put any money in the kitty for a colleague's leaving gift he decided that he didn't like the job he left for and was back working for our employer again as soon as it could be arranged.

As the person in my workplace who organises most collections, it's hilarious that some people think us organisers may be squirrelling away the odd tenner. Thankfully none of my colleagues think that (I hope).

I'm the highest earner in my team and the "boss" (though we're all employees). I've also been there the longest. I collect, top up, buy and present the gift at the person in question's leaving lunch. My top-up rule of thumb is to double whatever has been collected (within reason) so typically the more liked someone was, the more they receive.

We don't do birthdays, weddings or even secret Santa. Just leaving gifts and a small gift for maternity leave. If someone is on long term sick leave we usually send a card which everyone signs.

Agree, though I've had bank transfers of less than a fiver, which is absolutely fine. Lowest thus far has been £1.50. For all I know, that person may have become overdrawn by transferring a fiver...

I don’t think this was personal. People just get gift fatigue. It also depend on when in the payday cycle the collection happens.

Secret Satan 😂😂😂

Remember when I went on maternity leave same time as another colleague / friend a big fuss was made of them and I was added as an after thought. Where I work now an envelope and card goes round for big birthdays / events and no body gets treat differently management / company top it up