To hate workplace collections?

[LOTR]

I know how petty this all is. But it's annoying me and I wanted to ask opinions.

I don't expect gifts really from work (staff team of 45) on births, leaving etc but my workplace do collections for each person and sometimes do whole staff briefings to give people a send off to explain as backstory. Big birthdays and weddings also get this treatment. Tbf there is definitely a bias towards SMT getting larger gifts and birthdays remembered.

I've worked in this primary school for 10 years. I feel like I get on with pretty much the whole team, I'm helpful, I work hard and there's maybe three people I'm not fond of but I've never actually fallen out with. My first pregnancy, I received £10 worth of gifts on my last day, signed by 3 people in my phase (2 of whom are the ones I'm not incredibly fond of). No goodbye thing sorted by the workplace like a staff briefing or anything. Really upset me at the time because I struggle with anxiety and it felt like I'd been forgotten and potentially sabotaged by the two I was unfortunate enough in those last few months to be working with. One of them, I covered her sickness leave for early pregnancy which involved a huge amount of extra work leading up to my due date. I've watched over the last two years as people have been presented with £100 worth of gifts and flowers and had a last briefing with everyone to say bye and been quietly jealous (not the most attractive emotion, I know!).

After a miscarriage, I'm now expecting again. Another girl is leaving in three weeks and I'm very aware due to the email round asking for funds and the staff briefing planned, that they are having a send off.

I keep attempting to tell myself it is just petty nonsense. I would rather no one got anything rather than it be so unfair and badly organised!

AIBU to care? What does your workplace do for leavers and celebrations?

I'm currently organising a collection for a colleague who is retiring and I'm realising what a mug I've been dutifully putting a fiver in for every colleague who's left/retired/had a baby since I've worked there. I thought that was just what you did.

Given the embarrassingly small amount I've raised (out of a staff of 200, 14 have contributed) I'm guessing it's not what most people do. I suspect they all think everyone else gives and their contribution won't be missed.

You see that’s what I dont like about this. The person leaving will be told how popular they were or weren’t by the value of the gift. In front of a team of people too at the lunch.
Some people won’t give a toss, it’s all subjective anyway but others will come away feeling hurt.

This is exactly it and why I've bowed out of organising collections.

I've had to top them up to a decent amount myself...and as the lowest paid member of the team I just thought, fuck that!

I started a new job 6 months ago. In that time I've been asked to contribute to collections for

4 staff leaving
2 going on Maternity leave
5 birthdays

It seems a bit excessive but I do feel obliged now as it seems unfair to contribute to some and not others.

At my last school we had a staff association, entirely voluntary and organised by staff not the institution, with annual fees pro rata for part-timers. Weddings and babies were noted, with a standard amount spent. Retirement was pro rata for years of service. Bereavement was bunch of flowers sent to the person's home. If you weren't member of the SA, they didn't do these things, it would fall on management or close colleagues to whip round.

I thought it worked well, and though there were still individual collections, it would be someone in your department who you knew, and always an envelope left in the collector's desk drawer to leave money in and write your name. No hassling, no checking how much you've left.

I opted out of my work places fund. It was ridiculous a girl going on maternity leave was counting out bundles of 50 pound notes she was given. The same girl in the time I worked there got married had 2 kids at separate times and a 30th . Her total haul of money would have been way over 1000 pounds.

In my last workplace we always had a collection for the boss at Christmas. I didn't like her at all we didn't get on. I donated 1p once. Whoever was doing the collection passed remarks on the 1p in the box 😃

What's worse is being the one made to collect them. Was part of my very first job and Id get the flack of those frustrated by yet another one. Consensus seemed to be if someone worked somewhere for 20 years and it's their send off fair enough, a few months or even a couple of years no. Maternity and paternity was rare so these were quite welcome, even ended up doing bang showers for the men as well which was basically an excuse to go on a very rare lunch together. Nothing too expensive.

I put my foot down with my own boss when he asked me to do a collection for a colleague as thank you for working so hard which we all had. Not right away but I couldn't being myself to do it and came back and said sorry I can't do this, asked why I said the feeling was yes he deserved a bonus but it should be the company who pays for it. Fair enough he said. Bizzare.

This can become a real source of upset. I work in a a big organisation, collections are organised by staff for colleagues, there are several organisers who volunteer to collect and chivvy for donations. I always donate to every collection; especially to those for the quieter folk who don’t have a job that has them engaging/collaborating as much as the movers and shakers. I’ve been really lucky in the past with big birthdays and maternity getting lovely gifts etc. Makes you feel really special and appreciated.

Last year we had a mass exit package with approximately 30 staff leaving in a 3 month period. I knew it would end up bring a shit show with those going first and the big characters getting fabulous collections and a big send off and things dwindling to fuck all for the quiet leavers who were going towards the end. Obviously people would get giving fatigue and ran out of money - usually averaged fiver a head per donation in normal circs - totally unsustainable with so many leaving. A couple of us suggested the social club organise a mass collection of £10 per month over three months and everyone going would get flowers, chocs and gift card of same value with presentations at team meetings/last day as they left. This would mean no-one missed out and the remaining staff wouldn’t be constantly harassed for fivers for 3 months.

One mean spirited bastard on the social committee decided there were “some people she did not wish to contribute to” and that hit the scheme on the head.

Result - first leaver (well known, social type job) had red carpet send off with prosecco, florist bouquet and £150 gift card. Two months later a 32 year veteran who worked in the very secluded finance room went she got a fiver bunch of flowers and box of sweets. It was awful.

Thing is, I totally understand folks refusing contributions when its too much or too many of them.

In my last workplace, I gave to lots of collections. Mostly birthdays. There were a few for when someone was bereaved or ill.
Now... illness.. that caused issues. I gave countless contributions for people who had accidents, cancer, operations etc. But for mental health... silence. I was off for MH, and people avoided me in the corridor, like it was contagious.

And how much was raised for someone made people feel shit if it was not much. A colleague was mugged and had a lot of time off work due to injuries..... silence. Another colleague fell over when running for the bus and broke a tooth. She had a collection and a fruit basket (yes, really... a fucking fruit basket).

Someone left and had about £200 raised as a gift. They worked there for 2 years. I worked there for nearly 10, and got £80 raised... and not even a card signed by everyone. Was told "there was not time", even though I gave a month's notice.

When I left my old job I went to my manager and specifically requested no collection. It was always so embarrassing when a member of staff was leaving and the envelope went round and I’d overhear people quibbling about not wanting to put in £1 or £2, I couldn’t handle the thought of receiving a £7.50 Waterstones voucher after 10 years or service so nipped it in the bud immediately!!!

Where I work now is a lot simpler, for a big occasion (wedding, new baby, retirement type thing, not birthdays) boss sends round an email with a link to either donate and sign the card or you can just sign the card, there’s no fanfare - the recipient just received the evoucher on the appropriate day and can read the card with messages. No one knows who gets what (unless obviously they disclose this) and it just seems like an easier and more efficient low key way to celebrate.

I hate them. Most are for silly reasons and I feel like I constantly give and never get anything as no big birthday, wedding, baby or retirement for me. It does piss me off. I decided to stop giving for most things such as someone leaving after having been at the company for a year only or someone relocating to another office. Or someone falling pregnant and delivering a baby not even two years into a job. I barely even know them due to hybrid working and it does grate on me that I got nothing in almost ten years.

Happened to me when I was the only homeworker in the directorate (15 years ago) and the rest were office based. I was still part of the team, but didn't see them much.

Girl getting married 6 weeks before me got a presentation and an enormous bunch of flowers at an awayday. I was ok with that, as my wedding was a long time away and I didn't expect anything anyway.

But the following year I went on maternity leave and turned 30 the following week. Nothing for my birthday, well that's ok, I was on maternity leave I reasoned.

Following year my colleague....went on maternity leave and turned 30 about 3 months into her maternity leave. Massive bouquet of flowers posted all over fb and gushing about wonderful colleagues.

I wasn't jealous it just made me feel shit.

I feel shit now remembering it lol..

I have only been in my place a year. It's quite a small team so manageable. But we have one lady, the collector and arranger, who'd arrange a collection for a cut finger. (Her husband is a high earner and she has literally said that all her wages are her spending money-and she's very sweet and generous). Office birthdays have become like Christmas Day and it's expected to contribute a (to me) not small amount. And it's all the time. It's a nice gesture but I'd stick to the card, cake to share and generic pressie like a nice bottle or a voucher. We also have a colleague who has a financial struggle going on. You never know all your colleagues' circumstances so best to acknowledge the events but keep them small. One person's easy twenty quid for tat is budgeted into another person's weekly food bill.

At my workplace a week wouldn’t go by without being asked to contribute to some type of collection, birthday, somebody leaving, whatever. I always contributed towards any collection. I was diagnosed with cancer last September and have had three surgeries and am currently going through chemo, I haven’t even received a card from my workplace. It’s disappointing but definitely an eye opener.

Agree that everyone should be treated fairly. In my work place, it all depends on who you work with as to if anything gets done. It used to be most if events were done for most people, but as the company got bigger and busier people just didn't have the time to go round everyone, so now it is just things like weddings or leaving/retirement collections and even then it's only if you've been there a fair amount of time, ie someone only there a year wouldn't get one.

There was one guy in our accounts dept that always used to say he didn't really know the person to get out of putting in, even said it about someone he had sat next to and worked with for many years, and everyone was aware of this, so guess what, when someone came round for him, no one wanted to put in, then it is a bit embarrassing handing it over with only a couple of signatures.

I work in a garage and the techs were always the most generous with collections, but hardly ever got ones done for them, mainly because the people who organised them didn't know they were getting married, having a baby etc till it was too late.

I hate to admit it,but it does sound like you were forgotten about last time, hopefully they make up for it this time, although our place only done collections for first babies.

I think this is part of the price you pay for being a home worker, you do get forgotten about, out of sight, out of mind. But at the same time, I do t get asked to put into anyone else's. I don't have to take cakes in for my birthday (work tradition for birthday person to take cakes in for everyone)

I am not saying it's fair, but just something we have to accept.

We do an ecard, link goes out to everyone and you can choose to click on the link and add your message, or ignore, delete etc. it's low environmental impact and very egalitarian.

no bother or fuss, no favouritism and no unfair burden on people's finances.

Getting staff on £20k to put £10 into a collection for someone on a high salary because people feel under pressure is really inappropriate- SLT should make sure this doesn't happen by putting out a note to stop it as a practice across the board . It has to come from the seniors. If someone elects to buy their own gift and card that's entirely their choice.

I get it op and i think you should be able to op out or generally call a meeting to openly discuss the issue and agree a way forward.

Sometimes it depends on a team set up. I’ve worked in a team of 12, same manager. Everyone gets equal gifts. Fine.

I then moved to a smaller team within a bigger department. Complete chaos, and total inconsistency about who organises the presents as well. My boss was absent a lot of the time and it meant i got zero acknowledgement for my 30th birthday, whereas someone else got thrown a party for their 40th (although hardly anyone turned up as she’s wasn’t well-liked).

After getting nothing for my 30th, i stopped contributing, and did start staying ‘oh i thought we’d stopped all this as i didn’t even get a card for my 30th.’ That shut them up.

I did also refuse to sign a leaving card for a horrible colleague.

Years as a Manager saw me contribute to everything, but it’s difficult when you know you won’t get anything organised for yourself.
At one time the firm would have a discretionary fund we could use for any type of flower gift, for leaving or get well for example. That was better

The worst was someone retiring on £120k redundancy payment, who was coming back to be employed by us, under new terms and conditions. No idea how that worked, but it did.
I refused to contribute.

Just to add another view, i also hate workplace collections because i sometimes become very close friends with colleagues and i buy them gifts anyway. So i resent having to then contribute more to a work gift.

I'm glad it's not just me. It tends to work that the closest colleague to that person organises the collection and card. If you aren't in an obvious 'team' in the school, then you are more likely to get overlooked.

Likewise off on long term sick for chronic illness doesn't get flowers or anything from the company, which shouldn't be necessary but doesn't make you feel great.

Nothing is done at my company for any personal event. On your birthday you might get a few Teams messages from friends saying "happy birthday" and if someone is leaving we're told but no gifts or cards. I prefer it as there is no unfairness and no constant ask for contributions. In my previous company I opted out anyway and didn't contribute to presents etc for leavers or or other events.

I didn’t mind when I worked in a small team as it felt more personal and we all interacted with each other fairly well. I collected and organised presents for both my managers when they left in my former role . They were the only two members of the sub-team I was in. I left a few weeks after before their replacements came, and I feel the gift I got was a bit less than it would’ve been if they were around, as it was left to the wider team - who weren’t as close to me - to sort out, but I didn’t care much. I’d had a great year at that job and to be fair the card was nice and signed by everyone, but yeah there was a bit of inequality as far as the present went 😅

In my current team there’s a lot more people
, most of whom I don’t interact with since I mainly WFH and many of us are in different offices anyway. I’ve just stopped contributing for gifts altogether. There was one woman who got a collection for her wedding then left shortly after as she was relocating with her husband so we had another collection for her leaving. Where does it end?! I sometimes sign the e-card but don’t bother sending money via the PayPal links that they share with the team.

I dislike them too. I worked somewhere where everyone contributed a set amount a month which was OK, but mostly I do find them a pain. It's often the same people getting, a 30th, then marriage then mat leave then leaving seems to be a common pattern, with others being there for years getting nothing. I used to think retirement as being one that was deserving but as I get closer to that I now think retirement is the prize anyway. Long term sick is the only one I think is OK but I do feel pressure to give to the rest.