To hate workplace collections?

[LOTR]

I know how petty this all is. But it's annoying me and I wanted to ask opinions.

I don't expect gifts really from work (staff team of 45) on births, leaving etc but my workplace do collections for each person and sometimes do whole staff briefings to give people a send off to explain as backstory. Big birthdays and weddings also get this treatment. Tbf there is definitely a bias towards SMT getting larger gifts and birthdays remembered.

I've worked in this primary school for 10 years. I feel like I get on with pretty much the whole team, I'm helpful, I work hard and there's maybe three people I'm not fond of but I've never actually fallen out with. My first pregnancy, I received £10 worth of gifts on my last day, signed by 3 people in my phase (2 of whom are the ones I'm not incredibly fond of). No goodbye thing sorted by the workplace like a staff briefing or anything. Really upset me at the time because I struggle with anxiety and it felt like I'd been forgotten and potentially sabotaged by the two I was unfortunate enough in those last few months to be working with. One of them, I covered her sickness leave for early pregnancy which involved a huge amount of extra work leading up to my due date. I've watched over the last two years as people have been presented with £100 worth of gifts and flowers and had a last briefing with everyone to say bye and been quietly jealous (not the most attractive emotion, I know!).

After a miscarriage, I'm now expecting again. Another girl is leaving in three weeks and I'm very aware due to the email round asking for funds and the staff briefing planned, that they are having a send off.

I keep attempting to tell myself it is just petty nonsense. I would rather no one got anything rather than it be so unfair and badly organised!

AIBU to care? What does your workplace do for leavers and celebrations?

Same here
lady literally 3/4 m before me got nearly £100 gift wrapped presents and a hand knitted blanket
I got scrappy bits of cash in an envelope with a card that came to about £30
showed me how unpopular I was to be honest and made me rethink a lot of relationships
since then I'll be honest I've not bothered to contribute
I just do a card and a gift if I'm personally close to people and if not I do nothing

One place I work I’ve usually missed out. Flowers when someone has died has been a thing for all the group. My DF died and I got a card.

Another place I work (2 part time roles) I’m not part of a particular team as I work across teams. Usually teams do birthdays and secret santas. In 10 years I’ve been invited to join one team but the rest I’m the only one walking out at Xmas without a gift. I’ve got used to it. Big birthdays, babies and leaving are things people usually get gifts for from across the teams. Again, nothing. I had a big birthday, people knew as I was having a party with my family and friends outside of work and I had invited work colleagues. No one from work came. I went to work the following week on my actually birthday and one colleague gave me a gift and a card. No one else even acknowledged me. Another colleague has a birthday the day before mine and she was presented with loads of gifts and a special breakfast by her team for a non big birthday.

It used to bother me but I’ve stopped thinking about it too much now. I am applying for jobs outside of the organisation (for other reasons) and it will be interesting if I ever leave.

A place I worked at 15 years ago was lovely. Everyone got a leaving moment where the whole office got together at the end of the person’s last day, had a drink, did gifts and were even sung to (it was a music venue). I was even reminded for the week before I left to not forget my leaving moment.

I hate them, too. Luckily I don't need to do them anymore as I work from home.

At my last workplace, a woman, who was quite dominant, loved giving gifts. Therefore she put a lot of pressure on everyone in our small office to put 20 pounds each in for birthday collections.

Because they had done it for me, I couldn't really say no.

I hate it as well unless it's someone I'm particular friends with, in which case I'd rather give my own card and small gift, honestly. When I left a job recently I was very firm about not wanting a collection thanks, and if anyone wanted to I gave a couple of charities that they could donate to, but absolutely no expectation.

A couple of my friends gave me nice individual cards and very small gifts that meant something to us personally and they meant far more than the OD performative goodbye ceremony (which I was also able to opt out of thank God).

Given the rate people left at in my previous employer we were forever paying out and people just can't afford it these days.

I also think in some workplaces it can be a form of bulling by doing collections for everyone apart from the colleague you really don't like.

When we announced I was leaving I then sent an email round saying it’s been great working with you etc etc and please no need for drinks, card or any fuss but pls do stay in touch.

more people could do that?

Thats is like bullying. Im Not usually one of the everything has to be fair people but this is awful. So hurtful.

When these cards went round to sign in envelopes, no one would ever know if you did or didn't contribute. New trend in our office, probably because of hybrid working: pay by bank transfer! With one person collecting. I guess you could just "forget" but it's quite a blunt thing! To be fair, also because of hybrid working they seem to be dying out a but in our place overall.

same for me! These collections for charities to fund their bike run, Kilimangiaro trip, marathon in Paris. If you want to do it, fund it yourself, it’s your donation to the charity. If you can’t afford it go and run in the countryside. If I want to do a charity donation I would do it to the charity I choose not the one you have decided. The gut to go and ask colleagues in the office in person so they can’t say no it’s shameless. Luckily now it is on line so I just ignore. I remember as a graduate I worked on a open plan office with around 70-80 people, only the director had their office. Every week and sometimes twice a week someone would do the run and everybody had to contribute £5-£10. I always put £5 and then once I saw that the managing director had put £1!!!! They would also jot down the amount in front of you so you view! This is something I have only seen in the UK.

Ha ha yes years ago when dh had lost his job and we were skint, I was asked to contribute to a collection for the managers wife who had had an extremely minor procedure done.
When my father died, I received nothing.
It sucks. It really does.

I hate all this my son is going on a luxury holiday to a far flung place which you will never, ever be able to afford to go to.
Can you sponsor him so he can get this holiday for free?
Errr no, piss off.

See for me I think this really depends on the workplace & the team. As an example my team at work are all really close and friendly with each other and typically we all put £10 in for big occasions like wedding, baby, retirement etc, but we don’t do collections for birthdays although we do get a cake/sweets or something in the office for that day. Because we’re all pretty close and we all do get along nobody minds putting money in as it’s one of those where if we didn’t put money in together we would all be spending say £10 on a gift for the person anyway. Putting our money together means that the person gets a lovely gift for maybe £150 rather than 15 £10 boxes of chocs/flowers etc, so it works for us! But I can see where if you are part of a huge team and don’t really speak to each other very much you wouldn’t want to put in!

I also think the bank transfers are a much better idea, personally I almost never carry cash anymore so if asked for a few £ in the office would have to say no!

Ooh what kind of presents do you get for secret Satan? Sounds like a lot of fun! 👹

I was in my last job for 20 years. Five years in, I was in an office with six other people whose administrator made a big thing out of organising birthday gifts, leaving presents, you name it. I contributed to all of them. I moved offices (same job just we moved out of that building) the day before my birthday and I got nothing from those people. At that, I stopped contributing to any collections at all unless it was for someone I was friendly with.

Agree. Multiple people I work with have 3 kids and so in the time I've been there I've seen a bunch of people get 4 massive collections whereas the people who've not married or had kids during that time have contributed but had nowt. One of my colleagues has 5 kids, so she's had 6 collections!

We don't do birthdays or leavers (because we already do far too many collections as it is) so some people will go their entire career there and receive nothing.

It's one of the shitty parts of work, sadly.

At my school we had a present fund. One teacher kindly organised the collecting & buying the presents. When the fund was low we were all asked to put £10 in. It seemed to get low quite often, & the organiser told me some people never paid. (One was the Headteacher - she didn't name names, we all knew he never paid). That really annoyed me as the people who didn't pay still got gifts.

I had been on sick leave for 3 weeks when I got married. The term before the supply teacher who had been there 2 terms got married - she got flowers, a voucher & a card signed by all of the staff. I was most looking forward to my card with everyone's messages. We had a new Head by then, & I saw his email to everyone - 'school will send Goofygoldie flowers but you can send your own cards.'
After 22 years of paying into the present fund that did upset me a bit. Although it was more lack of effort than what was spent.

Hi

Years ago we were having at least 2 collections a month as various people from different departments came around. It could have been more collections as I was out of the office for at least half a day most days
I always refused felt uncomfortable - it was later agreed that an email for collections would be sent around with depts mangers agreement and people could decide if to contactact the collector or not

YANBU

Last year we had a mass exit package with approximately 30 staff leaving in a 3 month period. I knew it would end up bring a shit show with those going first and the big characters getting fabulous collections and a big send off and things dwindling to fuck all for the quiet leavers who were going towards the end. Obviously people would get giving fatigue and ran out of money - usually averaged fiver a head per donation in normal circs - totally unsustainable with so many leaving. A couple of us suggested the social club organise a mass collection of £10 per month over three months and everyone going would get flowers, chocs and gift card of same value with presentations at team meetings/last day as they left. This would mean no-one missed out and the remaining staff wouldn’t be constantly harassed for fivers for 3 months.

One mean spirited bastard on the social committee decided there were “some people she did not wish to contribute to” and that hit the scheme on the head.

Result - first leaver (well known, social type job) had red carpet send off with prosecco, florist bouquet and £150 gift card. Two months later a 32 year veteran who worked in the very secluded finance room went she got a fiver bunch of flowers and box of sweets. It was awful.

This happened to me. I left on a voluntary early exit package. 15 years in the organisation (250 people) and 23 years in the parent organisation. Took my team (of 5) out for lunch the week before I left. I got a £30 M&S gift card and a, to be fair, thoughtful gift related to my hobby worth £20. Presented in a conference room with about 12 people present. I’m aware I sound grabby but it just did seem a bit paltry considering my length of service, and I must have given hundreds if not thousands to various collections over the years.

One of my old schools I taught in used to have a staff association, and everyone who belonged to it would pay in a sum of £10-20, and then this would be divided in a fair way for gifts.

There staff turnover was fairly low, and so any money left over from one year rolled over into the next. Anyone who worked there for 1 year and left would receive gift to the value of £30. I can’t remember the increments beyond that, but if someone had worked there for many years or were SLT, then they would receive a gift at a set price - I’m sure it was £100 or £150.

Gifts were also given for maternity leave and flowers sent home if a staff member experienced a bereavement. It was a wonderful school, and I only left as I was on a one year maternity cover contract 😔.

I don't mind collections (we put 3-5e) but I do get annoyed with inconsistency. We have generally accepted to give gifts leaving, 50th, retirement. But then some get something for other big birthdays, some get for weddings, some get for babies. Today was an email to donate to a baby but we didn't collect anything to a colleague that had twins 6 months ago. It is dependent on your popularity I guess.

Like secret Santa, but naughty and illicit gifts for people you like. Nasty and offensive gifts for those you don't.

Feel for you and can empathise @LOTR
Where I work most people are in similar ‘teams/roles’ but I work slightly differently but all working together in providing a service, if that makes sense.
I’m more senior to a lot, more junior than a few SLT. I believe anyone slightly senior should lead by example so contribute to all collections, celebrations etc whether I like/work closely with the colleague or not. They tend to do lots for big birthdays etc
My 50th, nothing. Not even a single card.

They did know as (despite being shy and uncomfortable bringing it up) I’d let them know a while before. Problem is I’m solo in my specialty so no ‘team’ to organise it, and no one though about it (1 apology received afterwards).

I’d like to stop contributing to other’s collections, but it would feel spiteful (against how I believe we should work) ….

Sounds dreadful to me, and tantamount to bullying.

That is awful poor mum of twins .

They annoy me as well, especially when you know that some people who never contribute to others collections or put a bit of loose change in every now and then will get a collection done for them. Also annoys me when we get asked to contribute for a Christmas present for the cleaner, said cleaner has a better car than me and goes on several holidays every year (I don't) so is obviously ok for money, maybe their partner is a high earner and they don't need to earn much but its implied that we should get her a present just for doing her job when we don't get one for doing ours.