To hate workplace collections?

[LOTR]

I know how petty this all is. But it's annoying me and I wanted to ask opinions.

I don't expect gifts really from work (staff team of 45) on births, leaving etc but my workplace do collections for each person and sometimes do whole staff briefings to give people a send off to explain as backstory. Big birthdays and weddings also get this treatment. Tbf there is definitely a bias towards SMT getting larger gifts and birthdays remembered.

I've worked in this primary school for 10 years. I feel like I get on with pretty much the whole team, I'm helpful, I work hard and there's maybe three people I'm not fond of but I've never actually fallen out with. My first pregnancy, I received £10 worth of gifts on my last day, signed by 3 people in my phase (2 of whom are the ones I'm not incredibly fond of). No goodbye thing sorted by the workplace like a staff briefing or anything. Really upset me at the time because I struggle with anxiety and it felt like I'd been forgotten and potentially sabotaged by the two I was unfortunate enough in those last few months to be working with. One of them, I covered her sickness leave for early pregnancy which involved a huge amount of extra work leading up to my due date. I've watched over the last two years as people have been presented with £100 worth of gifts and flowers and had a last briefing with everyone to say bye and been quietly jealous (not the most attractive emotion, I know!).

After a miscarriage, I'm now expecting again. Another girl is leaving in three weeks and I'm very aware due to the email round asking for funds and the staff briefing planned, that they are having a send off.

I keep attempting to tell myself it is just petty nonsense. I would rather no one got anything rather than it be so unfair and badly organised!

AIBU to care? What does your workplace do for leavers and celebrations?

I completely sympathise.
When I started in my current job, 20 years ago, I was one of a tiny number of women at my level. 8 years later I went on leave to adopt my son and there were still very few women at my level - lots of female admin staff - and every time one of the admin staff retired, went on leave, was sick etc. there were loads of collections but we never got a single card.

A junior colleague in my role had a baby around the same time and she did get a collection (perhaps birth children count more?).

@drspouse I have unfortunately also seen a case in my workplace where a woman adopted a child and no collection was done. It stood out because such a fuss is made over babies, and I felt terrible for the mum because although she was far too polite to say anything, it must've felt so invalidating.

@fitzwilliamdarcy it really did.

Further to resentment of low wage/ status staff being browbeaten into whip rounds. It is also galling to see the office and senior staff having gatherings/ drinks/snacks, whilst the lower level staff are forbidden from attending (as they HAVE TO work).

This thread reminds me of friends when Ross moves into the new building and is asked to put in $100 for the maintenance man who is leaving 😂.

Only done in our place by department. Birthday isa cake only and bought by manager. We collect for Weddings, Big birthday and babies. Emails sent around that so so person is collecting and if want to contribute you contact that person. They don't contact you. Manager always contributes generously. We haven't had anyone leave in the past 6 years i have been here so haven't had that issues. Funerals the company sends flowers or a donation

I totally get this. With my second child I didn’t even get a card from work, no acknowledgment really or anything, it really hurt my feelings, I tried not to think about it because it was tail end of Covid so I reasoned that was why. Except 6 weeks later somebody else had a baby and had cards and collections delivered to her house around the corner to me. It made me feel like I wasn’t as important as other people in the school it’s not about the “stuff” like you say it was the unfairness of it all, I’ve become very resentful of it all since then and have had to set through many a workplace baby shower when my child wasn’t acknowledged in any way.

It feels like such a petty thing to get annoyed about so thank you for sharing your thoughts because I feel more justified in my feelings of inadequacy that I felt.

@Floogal I'm definitely organising one of those in my office this Christmas!

Ive always been happy with whatever gifts I got from my employer. I’ve never been anywhere really long term, so I don’t expect much.

My Current employer buys staff gifts and pays for lunches. rather than ask us to, which I think is way more fair. Most of my current colleagues have way more disposal income than me, even if I earn more on paper, so I would resent having to contribute to gifts for them.

Much worse since covid - prior this we had no home working, and someone went round with a quality street tin and a card - donation was £1 or £2 and those who didn’t want to participate could see the collector coming their way and dodge them if they were too shy to say no. During and since covid its all been BACS payments and mysteriously leapt to a fiver minimum.

We have regular collections, big birthdays, babies, retirements, etc etc. Think there’s been about 10 in the last 12 months. The least you can give is £5. A list is made with everyone’s name on it and you are ticked off as you donate. Those who don’t donate are very visible everyone as they don’t have a tick so it’s impossible to feel that you can’t take part. On a minimum wage, it’s sometimes a lot to manage.

It is. This is why we need 'rules' and someone to be in charge of coordinating this. I doubt it is personal to her. But my guess is that she had only worked a few months, came when majority was wfh and had to have unexpected sick leave before the babies that it fell through the cracks cause nobody is in charge of these things. It really sucks.

This happened at my work for my 50th birthday. No card etc but the following week a big card/ present/ desk decorated for a 30th birthday. Felt very hurt but you can’t say anything without looking petty 😟

I used to say no thanks if I didn't know them, or put a pound in if I vaguely knew them. If I knew them well, I'd stick a fiver in. Could you do the same.

Yep I despise workplace collections. I absolutely say no to any charities,school based fund raisers, MLM type sales. It’s work ffs. I do tend to be specific when contributing to weddings babies and retirements. It’s not fair but I don’t believe in democratic gifting. I also do not support “adopt a family” type Christmas donations which tend to be poorly vetted. Boss it’s your “tradition” not mine. We currently gift our boss at Christmas. She’s returning to staffing this month and I’m making it clear I will no longer support a boss gift when new manager is announced. Its like someone at work ALWAYS has their hand out and if you say yes they keep coming back. And happy birthday is adequate.

I’ve worked for the same store for 16-17 years. Had 2.5 months off with gallbladder issues and subsequent surgery. Did I get a collection? No. Yet colleagues who had a month off with other things got a collection. Didn’t expect anything when left previous jobs as only was in them for 18 months.

Understood why I didn’t get a collection for a milestone birthday which was in lockdown. Other colleagues had milestone birthdays in lockdown didn’t get a collection either.

In other workplaces, there were collections when colleagues went on maternity leave and then a few months later when baby was born- another collection. Should be only ONE collection- maternity or baby, not both!

I’m selective to which colleagues’ collections I put towards. If I have never worked with them or the very few who I never got on - nope. Many colleagues who organised collections for the above, understood my reasoning for not donating. One got really stroppy.

We do collections where I work. There was one girl who would regularly do the collections and we know for a fact she was pocketing some of the money. Someone would ask her how much was in the collection and yet when the leaving presentation was down, we clocked that it didn’t add up. She is also a bully, very nasty and loves herself and thinks she’s a manager. Not well liked at all.

One manager had a big birthday. The usual collector did the collection. When it came to presenting the gifts, there was fuck all handed over and a comment of ‘There’s some cash left over that I need to send you’. The manager had to ask and ask and It took almost a month (just after payday) for the money to be sent over

When one lady retired four of us refused to give anything to the general collection. We clubbed together, I sorted a beautiful box bouquet of flowers, another got a bottle of gin, one sorted chocolates and another sorted a card, an afternoon tea voucher and a couple of other small gifts. We attended the team brief, the usual collector handed over a 4 quid bunch of flowers from Sainsbury’s, some perfume, a cheap box of Turkish delights (poundshop variety) and a tacky lamp thing with a verse that is about a tenner. I know for a fact she raised well over £100 and the woman retiring had been with us over 34 years. She also had ‘money to be sent over’. That took about two weeks to materialise

When the usual collector went off on maternity a few of us were pleased that all she got was a baby outfit in a carrier bag, a cheap bunch of flowers and a card. The collection only gathered about £20. I think everyone has got wise to her.

my 50th last year? Absolutely nothing

so I don’t give anything now apart from the secret Santa I organise, unless I really like the person and want to show I care.

I worked somewhere once where a collection was held for a long term employee for becoming a grandmother. 🤣

I signed the card but being on minimum wage and struggling financially didn't contribute to the gift as I thought it was taking the piss.

It was somebody's 60th a while later, she didn't get anything.

It was a system reliant on enough people in a clique liking the person enough to instigate the collection.

And it was in a school too.

I’ve grown to hate it too. Over the last year I’ve probably given £70 to collections for birthdays, 2 babies and a wedding. I didn’t spend £70 on DH for Christmas.

The issue we currently have is that others feel the same but some want to continue with the envelope going round on what seams every other week! We are a team of 15.

I’m the collection organiser for somebody leaving in a couple of weeks. I feel so bad as I already know the collection will be shit. We are at the arse end of a 5 week month and most people are on or near minimum wage. The collection will be a reflection of piss poor salaries, not their regard for the leaver.

Where I used to work there was collections for weddings, DC birth, people leaving and retirement no birthdays. People got £50 for DC birth, £75 wedding, leaving varied depending how many years service and retirement £75. Teachers, TA's and admin staff all paid in £5 per term. Management paid in £10 term. There was often enough for a bunch of flowers for someone off on long term sick or who had an accident.

I work alone in a school library. I've worked for libraries dept for 30+ yrs, and in school for 6. I'm not a school employee. This means I get 2 lots of emails, from both depts, looking for contributions for illness, birthdays, retirements, births, marriages, bereavements etc. Meanwhile, I had my 50th a few years ago and got nothing - I'm not part of the school and my own dept have forgotten I exist. Library staff have nights out etc and I'm never included. It sucks. I contribute to nothing now.

Reading all of this, it is obvious collections are mainly a bullying weapon, by a clique to show some sort of office hierarchy. And shows a lack of leadership. management should lead better. It is also terrrible on people on minimum wage.
I would advise anyone to stop the bullying, state clearly why you do not buy into what you feel it is very unfair and badly run.
just stand up for yourself and all the colleagues who do not dare to speak.

My husband contributed to every leaving collection in the 20 years he worked there,yes you guessed it,he received nothing when he left,had been on sick leave for months so they never bothered.

I get this completely, parents collect at our school and I often organise it as a way we can all give an affordable amount and the teachers get a nice voucher usually for £100+ rather than 30 mugs or boxes of chocolates. You do get year groups that are more generous than others though. When it's between colleagues I guess it depends who you are closest to and if they're the organising type. Similarly with hen dos and surprise parties, some are far better because closest friends or family are natural organisers and creatives.

In workplaces I think most people give when asked and it's not a personal snub but can definitely feel like that. Hope you get a good send off this time xx