To think this is rude of DH

[Iknowwhatitinvolves]

There are numerous issues at the moment and the relationship probably isn’t salvageable in any meaningful sense but am I overreacting to this?

Been on the go all day with two children (3 and 9 months) woken numerous times then woken for the day at half six. DH comes in from work at half seven, the three year old is awake but in bed so goes to say good night to him - lovely. Then gets his laptop out and just sits working all evening. No check in or even ‘sorry, I really have to get this done’ or similar, I wouldn’t have minded that, it just feels like I don’t exist

It probably wouldn't bother me I get up with our 3 toddlers around 6:30am hubby has already gone to work and gets home at night about 7pm..I don't feel I need him to do more on his working days as he is working for us all to do it balances nicely me looking after the children. He does the same soon as he comes in he will go cuddle and say goodnight them sorts whatever he has to for the next morning's work day. On his days off he is fully hands on with the kids so I enjoy those days

I think it's not the lack of work you object to, it's your seeming invisibility. Did he kiss you, say hi, or ask how your day was?

No. I wouldn’t have minded if he had. It’s been like this for weeks.

Really hard to do, but I think you need to. Ask him to stop just for 30 minutes because you need to talk to him. Then say what you think is happening. Not fun, I know. Go from there.

Is he fully funding you staying at home? It doesn’t sound like his behaviour is ideal but he might just really be feeling the pressure?

So you have assumed I am a SAHM and therefore his behaviour is justifiable because I am a leech, correct?

I am not a SAHM.

I’ve tried but you just don’t get anywhere. I think in my heart of hearts I know it’s over but will probably drag on for a while … just such a rubbish atmosphere. I probably just need to go upstairs and watch TV on the laptop.

Do you look up and ask him how his day was or say hello? I’d just make dh a coffee and go and give him a kiss. You can change the dynamic by changing what you do rather than waiting passively for him to change.

Quite an apt user name you have there

I asked. I didn’t assume but way to go being so defensive?! Are you like this with him? Jumping on everything he says? Because if so, there might be your answer!

What? For asking? Many Single income families are really feeling it just now, I was simply making a suggestion he is feeling stressed or something. You lot really need to chill out.

And then be ignored all evening?

It might change that moment. It doesn’t change what he does. Sorry if it sounds negative at all. I think I’m sort of resigned to it all really.

Oh go away, don't fucking poke the bear if you don't want a reaction.

I really hate this rhetoric. And sorry @Youcannotbeseriousreally because I’m not saying your meant this, but it’s just a quick example.

While men ‘fully fund’ their SAHM wives to SAM, these women also fully fund these men to continue working, by taking on the childcare role which would otherwise cost the family £1000s and impact their working day, salaries and careers. It goes both ways.

No you weren't, you were being an arsehole, OP knew what you were implying as did I and probably everyone else on this thread

You lot are batshit. The defensive ridiculous attitude is just madness.

Have a lovely day!

When you say you've tried, what has he said? If you said something along these lines, what would his reply be?

"DH, why do you come in from work and ignore me?"

Good god. So the woman is struggling, the woman is hurt by the man’s behaviour, the man is not, yet the woman has to give him a kiss and make him a coffee to make it better. OK.

Nah, all I meant was he might be worried re their finances and therefore keeping his head down to get the work down but as usual in this place the SAHMs are immediately on the defensive trying to make everyone else look like wankers when in fact they just make themselves look more insecure and ridiculous

Is he like that all the time? If it’s an occasional thing, then it’s obvious he’s under pressure so it wouldn’t bother me and I wouldn’t find it rude. I would take the children to bed so they are out of his way so he can focus.

If it’s a regular thing, then it’s really rude and disrespectful to you all.

Stop being so fucking goady

I get

Don’t be silly

I’m not ignoring you I’m just really busy <said impatiently>

I don’t doubt that’s true but it’s one thing to say ‘sorry I’ve really got to finish this … you OK?’ which I don’t mind and silence.

No one is a SAHM

For all you know I work full time

You said you’ve ’been on the go all day with two children’

so, fair assumption that you weren’t at work on this day. Maybe you’re on mat leave maybe it was your day off, but I don’t know why you’re asking on a public forum if you’re immediately going to take offence at every suggestion.