Exhausted, broke UK parents of small kids

[RiverLake]

NC for this. Well, please tell me you don't all spend each Saturday or Sunday (or both) watching your kids (aged 5 and above) play sports/activities etc?

And then when they are pre-teens and teens, you are facilitating sleep-overs by chauffeuring them to/from cinemas/parties/friends, including night time pick-ups, etc

Well, if the above is CORRECT, NO WONDER the UK parents are beyond exhausted!!! And in most cases also broke!

What happened to staying home at weekends baking, reading and playing games as a family with occasional walk to the parks?
I lived in London next to a family with 10 and 12 yo kids, and could never FATHOM why 1) they never liked being in their flat, as every Saturday and Sunday around 12 noon, they are loading their car and didn't return until 6 or 7 or 8pm. They walked past my windows.

Only to read on MN that parents seem to attend after school clubs at weekends too- I did all my after school activities, well, after school. Not take up my/family weekend unless it is one of those events schools playing against another school.

This particular family always looked stressed and my flatmate said they were constantly shouting and screaming at each other almost daily about domestic stuff (had cleaner and child minder too). I am not surprised as they had full time jobs and seem out all weekend. When do parents REST?

So, it is 18 years of existing for a child. Other countries do not parent like this. These countries have happy, relaxed families.

I sort of understood childcare stuff for under 3 or under 4 and not sleeping properly and those costs; but this being out all weekend is unsustainable. No wonder UK adults are sick and cannot function properly in work!

I have one of each.... I can never win and I'm always exhausted 🤣🤣

I’ve not read everything, but I tend to agree with you that modern parents have a tendency to keep their children busy at all times.
We have two teen DDs and one does play football on a Saturday - her choice and her Dad loves watching her, so it’s not a huge effort. I generally stay at home and relax/sort the house out.
i, however, have never been one for ferrying the kids here there and everywhere to different clubs etc. constantly (they did go to the odd one or two, but didn’t really take to them) as I think they need down time and it’s good for them to be a bit bored occasionally. They liked to play out with the neighbour’s children when they were younger as well. I see a lot of parents micro managing their kids time all through holidays as well, but we didn’t do that - yes we did a fair bit of baking (still do) and crafting as well as just a few days out. There’s a fair chance that I’m just lazy though 😊

It baffles that people have so many opinions on how other people parent their kids.
I parent the kids I have, in a way that suits us as a family. I’m assuming other people tend to do the same.

Staying home all day with young children is at all restful. It's much easier to be out and about!

No offence but if you were at work those hours then someone else was bringing up your kids so no wonder you weren't exhausted.

Looking after young kids is much more tiring than work

Similar in lots of "other countries". In Canada it's ice hockey/dance/cheerleading with matches/competitions every weekend and multiple practices after school. Not uncommon for the two parents to spend every weekend driving miles in different directions taking kids to their activities. Often involves an overnight hotel stay too, so it gets pretty expensive. We chose not to go this route, for the sake of having some downtime at home at the weekends, but our kids do other activities with less commitment. The thing is, in Canada, ice hockey especially is very cliquey, and I can almost see my kids missing out because they don't play. It carries through into adulthood too - in our town all the big-shot business men/local politicians/ town planners etc. played/still play hockey. It's almost the Canadian equivalent of being an Eton alumnus or something. I can see why parents do it, thinking it may give the kids a lifetime advantage.

Omg 😂 yes I think I do need to accept that now 🤦‍♀️

I had a very relaxed and happy family (all adults now) We spent very little time in the house. No interest whatsoever in baking, and reading and board games were for chilling in the evenings after a fairly active day out and about. It wasn't particularly expensive, lots of free and low cost things to do, but we valued experiences over possessions anyway, so any money I did spend on doing things I never begrudged. As for being exhausted, nothing would tire me more than a day stuck in a flat with three children. Far less so to be out and about seeing things in the fresh air. I think the important thing is to find a balance that works for you and your family. If people are running themselves ragged to do things out of the house they shouldn't feel pressure to do so, but you can't assume they feel that way. Most people are tired because they work long hours and struggling for money because of the economic environment.

Yes both exhausted and broke but it's called being a parent. With 3 teenage boys we are constantly bringing them to various sports and extra-curricular activities. Weekends usually consist of sporting fixtures both mornings. But our choice to keep them off the streets, keep them active and give them opportunities to play team sport and engage with their peers and also proved to support good mental health. We'll get our time back for rest and to spend money on ourselves when they fly the nest. We both work full time in management jobs and this does not impact our performace at work. Until then our priority is our children, not us.

3 DC and yes. 2 are now adults so can drive themselves but went allover the south coast for matches & training from ages 6 to 17. Was absolutely shattered but worth it. We wanted to bring up the DC giving them every opportunity that came their way and have always encouraged sleepovers, parties, meeting friends, cinema and always transported them (shit to no public transport where we live).

Couldn't believe how bored we all were in lockdown - our lives are non stop busy but thats how we like it.

I've got very good at napping in the car while my children are doing their activities. It's my "me time".

I take my Kindle and a coffee in a flask… definitely more relaxing than baking at home with them!

Op as people who don’t do a lot of activities I’ll tell you unfortunately a lot of the kids that aren’t out doing activities are at home in front of screens. We live in a different age where some of us are more stressed trying to get our kids out to play than when they’re doing activities!!

I know what you mean op. My Dd just started ballet and it was originally one night after school, which I thought was fine for her age-5. Now it’s Sat morn too and it annoys me as I like to keep weekends more relaxed, not be up and out somewhere for 9/9.30 for another day of the week.
We get out and about a lot to the beach, walks, playgrounds/play dates with friends, but I do love the no plans weekends, just chilling at home or she plays with the neighbourhood kids, we bake, play games, play in the garden. I try not to schedule our lives too much. We are abroad though, kids do go to clubs and so on, but perhaps it’s a bit more relaxed 🤷🏻‍♀️

If my kids had their way and stayed home, they'd be on their tablets and consoles all the time! So yes outdoor activities are necessary for them, whether that be sports or playing an instrument or play dates at friends houses etc. It is good for children to be learning outside of just school.

My husband doesn't like to be cooped up either so we always go out as a family for a couple/few hours: shopping or going for walks etc. We only have a balcony so it's not like we can chill or play in a garden.

Also, I live in France and can tell you that lots of parents in the region I live in are very active with their kids; taking them hiking or to their sports or visiting friends/family. So not just a UK thing (though to be honest it wasn't my experience when I lived there, people were always at home until kids were of age they could go out by themselves)

Are you a DM reporter in disguise? Children go to school in the week, and if you work a normal 9-5, there’s not much scope for after school, and it’s those evening clubs that are the killer! I certainly couldn’t work 10 hour days in my professional career, certainly not in the workplace. Children are tiring and expensive, if you don’t know that when you sign up, I don’t know where you’ve been. That includes at the weekend. I’ve been completely baffled by OP and I say this as someone who did a lot of baking with young DC…and a lot of clearing up afterwards!

People just do whatever works for them and their family. Going out and doing activities is amazing for kids - learns skills, creates memories, exercise, fresh air, etc etc. of course rest time is also important. Some people need more of either than others.
I’ve nannied in several different countries - it’s been the same wherever I’ve been so it’s definitely not exclusive to the UK!

My kids don't do any clubs, sports or activities on a weekend - nor have they asked to. All are under 12 though so it could change.
Weekends, for us, consist of one "lazy" day - usually Saturday - where we all chill at home, recharge, play games or bake, and just "be". Sunday's are days out or activities together - if we can afford it. If not, it's a walk to the park or scooter rides. We don't have a garden, which doesn't help. But we make do with what we have.
I'm exhausted through the week, absolutely, as its nonstop - but at weekends, no.

Your post is muddled and you appear to be digging yourself into a strange hole.

BUT I do agree that may families seem to live very child centric lives. I think a balance is important - some kids activities, some more for parents benefit (there is value in being dragged round an art gallery occasionally!) and some time being bored at home (by which I mean actually bored, and therefore creative, and not on a screen).

I remember so much of my childhood was spent being quite bored and having to think of ways to entertain myself - this is valuable. Days out and meals out were maybe one weekend per month and that seemed very normal amongst friends. I'm always a little taken aback by how many people have full weekend itineraries each week. I also like to sometimes just see how we feel on Saturday morning and go from there!

Where on earth did you read I was at work whilst someone else was bringing up my children? Don't put words into my mouth. All I have said was that my kids were not raised in England. I was not in England!

I don’t understand why you think there are lots of parents out there who are simultaneously working 12-14 hour days in the week (but somehow also being able to facilitate them doing after school activities), dragging children out to multiple places/clubs/activities at the weekend and are also broke.
I have 3 children, and quite a lot of friends who are parents to young children. In the main, both parents work full time in the week (generally a 9-5), or one parent works part time, and the children tend to do activities at the weekend because by the time work finishes in the week it’s too late. Most of them have the odd grumble about playing taxi, but as far as I can tell none are exhausted or miserable. If they were, they wouldn’t do it. Most have some financial pressures due to the cost of living crisis etc, but I don’t think any of them are having to sacrifice their careers because they’re too exhausted from taking their kids to clubs at the weekends.

Also can I just check something… you were living in London pre kids, when you worked 12-14 hour days in a non child friendly career. You then moved to your international utopia where parents do everything right when it was time to raise your children, and now you’re back in London watching your neighbours exhaust themselves by taking their kids out at the weekend? Have I got that right?

I am just catching up with the rest of the posts. So far, I am grateful to you all for your varied contributions. I really am. Thank you.

This was going to be my next question, as again, I was confused. I wanted to ask if these weekend outings (I shall call them) are part of the curriculum or are ACTIVITIES parents and kids want to do at the weekend as something they want to do. Say, like you plan activities during holidays? The 2 are different and I believe people are conflating the two.

Are these football, rugby clubs with the same pupils as at school or, is it a case, Child A likes football and Parent A looks for a random nearby football club that is willing to take child A and the club give their timetable; and because parent A can only go at weekend, weekend it is?

I am starting to think there is an element of private schooling (public school) which I and my kids attended and therefore sports lessons were in the curriculum- I still remember Tuesday mornings after breakfast, my first class lesson being athletics followed by Biology that kind of thing.

I can understand state schools lacking sporting and music facilities etc and therefore parents with kids interested in those, scouting around for independent lessons they can do at the weekend, and pay for. It also explains why people are still telling me how much their day out costs doing activities (are those like holiday activities which are family activities?) when my thread is not talking about that. Being broke was a reference to working fewer hours than you would like, to facilitate weekends (Saturdays and Sundays) swanning around doing activities.

Again, an activity Saturdays only or Sundays only, is understandable. Some seem to be out both days without a break, during Term time.

So you don’t live in England, your kids weren’t raised in England, yet you have decided to create a thread declaring that parents in the UK are doing it all wrong. I can’t imagine starting a thread about how other countries raise their children, so odd.

Being broke was a reference to working fewer hours than you would like, to facilitate weekends (Saturdays and Sundays) swanning around doing activities

I don’t know anyone who has reduced their working hours in the week to facilitate ‘swanning around’ doing activities at weekends. I’m surprised you know so many who have done this.

Your opening post is what I’ve observed, OP, and was a big factor in my decision not to have children. I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time for asking about it.