Exhausted, broke UK parents of small kids

[RiverLake]

NC for this. Well, please tell me you don't all spend each Saturday or Sunday (or both) watching your kids (aged 5 and above) play sports/activities etc?

And then when they are pre-teens and teens, you are facilitating sleep-overs by chauffeuring them to/from cinemas/parties/friends, including night time pick-ups, etc

Well, if the above is CORRECT, NO WONDER the UK parents are beyond exhausted!!! And in most cases also broke!

What happened to staying home at weekends baking, reading and playing games as a family with occasional walk to the parks?
I lived in London next to a family with 10 and 12 yo kids, and could never FATHOM why 1) they never liked being in their flat, as every Saturday and Sunday around 12 noon, they are loading their car and didn't return until 6 or 7 or 8pm. They walked past my windows.

Only to read on MN that parents seem to attend after school clubs at weekends too- I did all my after school activities, well, after school. Not take up my/family weekend unless it is one of those events schools playing against another school.

This particular family always looked stressed and my flatmate said they were constantly shouting and screaming at each other almost daily about domestic stuff (had cleaner and child minder too). I am not surprised as they had full time jobs and seem out all weekend. When do parents REST?

So, it is 18 years of existing for a child. Other countries do not parent like this. These countries have happy, relaxed families.

I sort of understood childcare stuff for under 3 or under 4 and not sleeping properly and those costs; but this being out all weekend is unsustainable. No wonder UK adults are sick and cannot function properly in work!

Ah but the OP was hoping for a nice UK parent bashing thread.

Having just spent a morning painting and baking with my two toddlers I can attest that it is about the least restful activity I can imagine!

I'm personally not a fan of any activity where the prep and clear up takes several multiples of the time spent on said activity.

This might shock you, but there are 67 million people in the UK and we all do things differently.

I am a UK parent and I don’t ‘put my kids to bed so early or go to extreme lengths to tire them out.’
I have a 6 year old…if we’re going out on the weekend we’d only just be leaving the house at about 11am.
Believe it or not, we’re all different

I'm getting flashbacks of baking with my eldest when she was a toddler - it can be quite stressful. I don't think I tried with my youngest 😂

I suppose for me ( 3 DDs under 11) it was the decision that as parents our lives will revolve around our kids and not in a spoilt way more like we give them opportunities.

So yes our lives are taken up every weekday evening and weekend by their competitive sports which amounts to on average 20 hours a week for each.

When we have a spare couple of hours we will take them to soft plays or trampoline parks tying to balance family experiences and days out.

18 years isnt a long time in the grand scheme of things, and bare in mind it is a choice, people can choose not to have kids, but i think as parents it should be a standard to ensure you are doing everything you can.

I think it's a culture we have got ourselves into. I'm a childminder and my colleague has a child who is full time with her then at weekends she's out and about all over to 'keep her busy' as she can be a handful. Only problem being she never gets chance to rest and recuperate and when she's poorly she's poorly for weeks etc. she's continually exhausted. But it's pretty much the norm these days.

Despite being busy with their hobbies at weekends mine are rarely poorly (all on 100% attendance this school year so far bar a day taken for a funeral), and get plenty of sleep so are not exhausted.

I do think all children are different, some need more stimulation and some need more rest. It can be tricky if the kids and the parents don't match and one wants to be doing a lot more than the other can cope with.

Sounds a bit resentful, you should get our more.

Both my kids are neurodiverse: one is dyslexic, anxious and would never leave the house, one is awaiting ADHD/ASD diagnosis and needs constant stimulation & being out. BOTH of them are “better” when out & about, for different reasons.

My husband works away a lot, I work, I am doing a PhD, I am a school Govenor …. I am absolutely shattered a lot of the time & yeah all my “spare” income is spent on my kid’s activities or needs (I just apply for DLA really, but don’t have time!).

But I love my life, I love my kids - whilst no parent expects two SEN kids I wouldn’t change them.

My point is that parents have to parent the kids they have and you don’t get to choose who they are. And you have no idea what you are really seeing when you see a tired family out & about.

Christ on a bike!
Have you ever actually baked with small children OP?
If so, which part of the process was relaxing?

Every family that I know who are stressed it's because one parent is doing it all. Where both parents work full-time then the housework, child-rearing and family admin need to be 50/50. The screaming starts due to the inequality imo.

Exactly this! Plus some of us who work until 5/6/7 can't fit in activities on week days...... so we do them at weekends!
It's hardly that hard to comprehend

DS is 14 and attends a few social activities. I collect him at 5pm on Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday then 7pm on Thursday. He goes to them straight from school.

None of us venture go outdoors all weekend.

Not exhausted in the slightest. 😬

There seems to be an influx of ‘the Brits do everything wrong’ posts at the moment. Weird.

Mine did/do two activities at most a week. The rest of the time we are home together or they are amusing themselves. I remember my Mum saying don't be like so and so, she's always out with her kids and entertaining them, kids need to be bored and know how to deal with it and learn to amuse themselves. This is why teaching is so difficult when the classroom can't compete with endless clubs, balloons and the like!!!

No not all parents are out ferrying or doing activities.
It seems it's changed from kids playing out and playing alone to some parents sub contracting this play to a business or others. All extremely structured.
Even football is coached for infants upwards.
Both Dp and I played out with friends and did actual family activities together.
Mainly we played out.

And the kids are knackered!!
I look after children. Come Monday morning, the children turn up absolutely knackered because they haven't stopped all weekend- they've got no energy left for anything!
And this is also a reason why kids can't play these days - because they're constantly kept busy because parents don't want them to be bored, so they end up not being able to amuse themselves. It's bloody hard work.
I understand that parents want to give their current lots of opportunities and experiences but sometimes it's to their detriment. I couldn't afford to do it with my own children, and I can honestly say that they haven't suffered or felt hard done by!

Kids shouldn’t be knackered if they’re getting enough sleep. Mine do quite a lot of activities (they enjoy them, we enjoy taking them) but they’re rarely knackered. They sleep well, eat well, and chill out when they’re not at their activities. They’re awake for around 14 hours a day so even with a swimming lesson and a dance class on a Saturday for example, that still gives them 12 hours down time.

@HungryBeagle I don't think this little girls parents really notice she's tired anyway but she's dead on her feet some days. Obv some children deal with it better than others but we all need a day off now and then.

Yes exactly. Tomorrow there will be a post completely the opposite of this :
‘UK families are lazy and do too much baking on the weekend’ or ‘UK children don’t do enough sports on the weekend’ etc.
Whatever we do, we’re doing it all WRONG.

Yeah, mine have got 2 weeks of days off starting next week as it’s the Easter holidays and none of their activities are running. They’re not short of down time.

I was actually just reading a thread which had comments about how British children spend too much time inactive, staring at screens and that’s why they’re all fat 😂. I think we just need to accept that we can’t win 🤷🏻‍♀️

I see distinguishedsocialcommentator has had another name change. There's really no need OP if you're not going to also change your posting style.