Exhausted, broke UK parents of small kids

[RiverLake]

NC for this. Well, please tell me you don't all spend each Saturday or Sunday (or both) watching your kids (aged 5 and above) play sports/activities etc?

And then when they are pre-teens and teens, you are facilitating sleep-overs by chauffeuring them to/from cinemas/parties/friends, including night time pick-ups, etc

Well, if the above is CORRECT, NO WONDER the UK parents are beyond exhausted!!! And in most cases also broke!

What happened to staying home at weekends baking, reading and playing games as a family with occasional walk to the parks?
I lived in London next to a family with 10 and 12 yo kids, and could never FATHOM why 1) they never liked being in their flat, as every Saturday and Sunday around 12 noon, they are loading their car and didn't return until 6 or 7 or 8pm. They walked past my windows.

Only to read on MN that parents seem to attend after school clubs at weekends too- I did all my after school activities, well, after school. Not take up my/family weekend unless it is one of those events schools playing against another school.

This particular family always looked stressed and my flatmate said they were constantly shouting and screaming at each other almost daily about domestic stuff (had cleaner and child minder too). I am not surprised as they had full time jobs and seem out all weekend. When do parents REST?

So, it is 18 years of existing for a child. Other countries do not parent like this. These countries have happy, relaxed families.

I sort of understood childcare stuff for under 3 or under 4 and not sleeping properly and those costs; but this being out all weekend is unsustainable. No wonder UK adults are sick and cannot function properly in work!

OK, I won't tell you that!

Still knackered though. Think it's a bit more complicated maybe...

Well, must feel good to have written that all down and got it off your chest I suppose?

Thoughts and prayers

They live in an apartment. I live in an apartment, my Dd would be bouncing off the walls if I didn’t get her out of the house every day. Yeah I’m pretty tired but I assume at some point in her teens I’ll just be dropping her off somewhere.

My kids do a fair few out of school activities and we ferry them around a lot but we’re neither exhausted nor broke.

Oh and I function perfectly well at work.

No, I want to be corrected, if I am wrong.

It took 4 years of reading and putting one and one together to work out this is why the parents are forever knackered. I was shocked and took a lot of time trying to process it, but I need your help.

Fair enough. Thank you.

Thank you. So those constantly exhausted are the exception then? Good to hear. I was genuinely shocked if all / most parents did this and therefore exhausted.

Do you have kids op? Most people I know parent for the kids they have. Which means if you have active easily bored kids who love sport, its often easier to head out at the weekends and keep them busy with sport, days put, seeing wider family etc. Anyone who has tried to stay home with one of these children will know that it's not restful!
On the other hand if you have homebody kids and you all love to read books and chill out then fabulous - enjoy!
But yeah parenting is exhausting and more stressful than it needs to be sometimes, so I agree with you there.

DC do tennis and/or football on weekends. Means we can drop them off and have the morning or afternoon to ourselves. Not remotely exhausting for anyone involved.

A lot of parents are exhausted, but it’s mainly due to the fact that they work full time and then have kids to look after/households to run.
A weekend at home baking and reading with my children wouldn’t be especially relaxing. They’re fairly active and like to be out and about. As do we. So we organise our weekends accordingly.
Do you have children?

I think a lot of parents go out with their children because they’re so bloody annoying when they’re cooped up at home. Absolutely intolerable actually.

A lot of sport and activities take place at weekends. That’s just the way it is. The volunteers who run them (of which I am one) have jobs and don’t have time to be coaching or running matches or races during the week. And parents are working and many don’t have time to get to activities during the week.

This is a good and informative post- thank you.

Kids- I do. They were not raised in Uk and are now adults.

Ok. If parents have 9-5 jobs I can understand you don't need to sleep in on Saturday. My hours are brutal and always need either a Saturday or Sunday to rest/chill.

So, they do 9-5; then be up and down doing activities with kids on Saturdays and Sundays and then they are broke as clearly, especially in London, very few people are in professions where working 9-5 can lead to a comfortable family life.

Yes, a lot of what parents do is unnecessary. That family- initially I thought the parents were keeping up with Jones in that if the parents' friends do that, they wanted to copy/do the same to fit in. I was exhausted just watching their movements.

Why are you so bothered by what other parents do? People just tend to try and do the best thing for their family.

Mind your own business

We do this and you’re right…. it takes up all my time and money.

am I going to stop? No.

Kids grow up so quick and the memories that they are making with these hobbies and their friends are invaluable

Why would you be watching their movements? Is this something people do where you come from?

personally, I think it would be more exhausting to be stuck in a flat with young children than to take them out for fresh air and activity. Also healthier for them. We tend to do what’s best for our children.

DCs have always done activities every day after school, and an activity on each weekend day. At primary age weekends were spent taking them to activities (some sports, some more creative) but also to events and places to visit across London. We did spend most weekends out of the house (usually leaving before 9am and home by 5pm). We did it because we enjoyed it and there was a huge variety of things to see and do. We tended to do baking and playing games type of things later in the evening once we were home. They've never gone to bed earlier than 9pm even at nursery age.

We don't shout at each other and we're not exhausted. Even without dc, DH and I are the kind of people who would go out every weekend and on holiday so that's just the kind of lifestyle we prefer. We're not broke as we have a very good income, and I work pt so I have time to myself in the week to deal with housework and to relax.

DCs are teens now and very independent. I don't ferry them about because they've used public transport since they were babies and take the tube like every other Londoner.

Okay.

Its often much easier to take kids out then be under each others feet in a flat. Most kids need lots of fresh air and exercise to stay regulated.

You have absolutely no idea why this couple seemed unhappy. You have drawn a conclusion to suit your narrative.

Parents are broke because food is expensive, rent is expensive and childcare is expensive. Not because they are going to the park or the swimming pool at weekends.

We do rugby every Sunday, plus generally have very busy weekends. But it's fun busy and we spend our time laughing together.

Is it a chore taking my kid to sport every weekend? Yeah totally. Is it worth it for what I brings him? Yeah totally.

Its part of being a parent.

So, you are doing this for 18 years? OR are you expecting it will be easier from say 14/15 years? But then as Mn know, that age can be challenging on its own, but at least maybe you don't have to be physically exhausted, just mentally.

I am not blaming the parents. The successive UK Govs have a lot to answer for. It is now also almost clear why some people opt for a benefit top-up so they have a free week day or 2 with their kids. What a way to live!

Personally I'd find it more stressful getting my dd to clubs after school. We only have one car and I take that to work and often stay late. My dh walks to collect her from after school club/childcare. I don't want to be rushing about in the evenings. She does swimming one weekend morning and gymnastics the other morning. I'd much prefer to stay in bed but I think swimming is an important life skill and realistically we just wouldn't take her ourselves enough and gymnastics good to get some exercise.

So you see one family doing this and THIS IS WHAT ALL UK FAMILIES DO. Ok then.

(it’s not by the way, our kids don’t do any weekend activities, although we often go for days out..for fun).