Something you'd love to say to that one person at work.

[32degrees]

Say it here, see if it helps.

I'll start: you dramatic entitled cow. I am sick to death of your bullshit. Stop threatening to quit, make my year and actually do it.

You are boring everyone with photos and endless talk about your fucking kids. We are not interested. You are the smug mummy personified and yes, we do know that you're kid is at home with you when you're working even though you pretend otherwise. We also know that when you turn your camera off and mute yourself in meetings you have fucked off somewhere with your kid. We have been gathering evidence of everything you haven't done and you are going to get disciplined, finally.

You're incompetent. You show yourself up at every possible opportunity. You gossip about people behind their backs. People don't actually trust you at all, either as a person or as a worker. You're riddled with anxiety and not suited to the job at all. It isn't that difficult, but sadly you're just not actually that intelligent or bright. We are all desperate for you to leave, but a) you'll never manage to get taken on anywhere else, and b) the manager will never actually sack you, just continue to have a short discussion every six months or so.

Another separate one. I've never claimed to be a nice person but you, you're a cunt. An utter fucking bitch. And your child gets it from you btw. If I could be guaranteed never to be found out, I'd find a way to hurt you physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, the way you hurt me and my child. And I'd make sure to look in your eyes whilst it happened so that you'd know, know, I got you.

You're a lovely man. You have the best intentions but you are the WORST project manager ever. You make an industry out of it where none exists. You slow projects down and make them less efficient. You are the reason why all out systems are shit. I know you are planning to retire in June but for the love of god go now before you do any more damange and before I lose my shit.

None of your PIDS, TAMS, TOMS and gant charts make the boat go any fucking faster. They just annoy people. You have zero understanding of the processes, services or departments you are managing projects for and your driver is project management itself not UX or deliverables. I simply cannot work with you.

Oh… other than the bit about being about to retire, I have some very similar things I want to say to one of our project managers.

He is a really nice guy, but he workstreams things to the point of making collaboration impossible and stifles any ability to do anything under a million layers of process. It’s all allegedly ‘agile’, but seems to involve so many Gantt charts and spreadsheets looking for effort estimates for work 6 months from now. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My sympathies, I have one of these as well. I'd even wonder if it's the same one, but there's only me and her in the office. I zone out and only respond if she actually asks me something directly. Very draining!

This thread is gold

"I do not need to hear a lengthy, blow-by-blow account of an episode of a television show WHICH I DO NOT WATCH AND HAVE NO INTEREST IN"

1. stop forwarding emails to me that you can see I was copied into in the first place unless you have something to add (you never do)

2. stop cherry picking the quickest / easiest tasks from the shared list

3. we don't need to hear every inane thought that pops into your head. You especially don't need to project your voice so the whole entire office has to listen to you.

4. approve my AL or don't. Stop hanging it over my head.

To my ex-boss - your life isn't as private as you would like. We know you're gay. It's ok. We all still love and adore you and no one cares that you prefer men. JUst come out and everyone will be happy for you, it's 2024 and I know you're a public figure now, but people really don't care.

You are a supercunt and need a life outside of work.

Oh and yes I did have cancer even though my hair didn't fall out and yes I heard you saying this.

God knows how you managed to get to such a senior position in such a big company but I’m not going to lie to our legal team like you want me to just to make your life easier.

And you know why we all said in a recently staff survey that we felt disengaged? You.

Perhaps don’t be such a total bastard.

We all hate you.

There have been so many over the years:

Don't tell me you had a 'Panic' and couldn't find things while I was on holiday. It's you who looks incompetent not me.

When you have a cold please don't lean over your own wastepaper bin to throw your snotty tissues in mine then have a hissy fit when I ask you not to. It's dirty and it's unhygienic and you know that very well.

Don't slurp your hot drinks and then say 'aaargh' really loudly. Same goes for eating loudly. Don't breathe basically.

Has it occurred to you yet that the reason half your team resigned within the space of four weeks was down to your utterly incompetent management? You are an insufferable, arrogant, mansplaining prick who hasn't a clue what he's doing and we are all glad to be out of there.

I read through the thread to see if anyone has posted about the twat I am working with.

You are incompetent, toxic and a bully. You managed to piss your team off. Rather than you being punished, they were moved. If it was someone else, they would on PIP or fired.

You are at this position with fancy title just because you are "best" friends with the boss. Even though you both are married, the friendship (relationship!) is uncomfortable for the team and team is betting if you both are sleeping together.

I was vindicated about my ex boss however. Made redundant not long after I left, couldn't blame me anymore when things went wrong in the department. Second redundancy for her, next two jobs same thing happened again. I laughed when I heard

Former boss: I knew you were an utterly useless people manager from early on when I was virtually in tears at how you spoke to me, only to find out that you were treating others so badly that they actually thought I was your favourite. I just thought you were one of these people who had got pushed to a senior level because you were good at the job itself, but not management.

I soon found out differently. In over a year in the company, you managed to learn precisely zero about it or the industry we were in. Every time you asked me how come I knew about XYZ when I hadn’t been in the industry any longer than you had, I wanted to scream that I occasionally looked at bloody Google and did the most basic research. The only reason I never went to HR about your unhinged behaviour was because I knew your utter uselessness was about to catch up with you, and I figured why put myself at risk when I could let you dig your own grave?

Former colleague: The reason we all stopped checking you were okay when you cried after a disagreement in a meeting or being sent a mildly critical email was because you cried wolf far too many times and we were sick of giving you attention. Also, you had zero self-awareness as to why so many people had had to pull you up on mistakes or lack of preparation.

Current colleague: Yes, you’re very clever and very creative, but you care more about how clever and creative a campaign makes you look than whether it actually works. Sometimes you need to keep it simple and make sure we actually shift some units, rather than dreaming of the advertising awards you could win.

Fuck off Chris

Why have you spent your career in criminal law when you have no interest in criminal law?

Why do you put all your time and energy into getting out of things instead of doing the work?

Why is the only interest you seem to have in the work related to mocking clients’ clothes, habits and personal hygiene?

oooh that feels better 😀

Wow.

What a cow...

This is really making me chortle at my desk

Fuck off julie you ridiculous human. Nobody cares about this only you.

Get your head out your arse and wonder why no one wants to work with you.

You're a twat, you are really rude, your approach is totally inappropriate and xenophobic and why don't you just fuck off.

Why are you so lazy? Just do the job you're paid for.

Discussing someone’s perceived weaknesses with their peers and then calling them out on them in team meetings is toxic. You think you are an amazing manager. You aren’t.