Something you'd love to say to that one person at work.

[32degrees]

Say it here, see if it helps.

I'll start: you dramatic entitled cow. I am sick to death of your bullshit. Stop threatening to quit, make my year and actually do it.

Take some fucking responsibility and be accountable for your own actions you useless fuck.

Wow that felt good 😂😂

You’re a sexist dick and deserve to have been called out for sexual harassment! You waiting for each female colleague to be on their own in order to question them on if they had been the one to report you makes it so much worse! Saying the manager who spoke to you about it overreacted and anyone who had an issue should have come to you first is missing the point entirely! Backing female colleagues up against a wall, hugging them in spite of them saying no and asking them how often they masturbate (to name but a few events) is sexual harassment!

Despite what you constantly proclaim, you are not 'carrying the rest of the company on your back'. You're just a loudmouth who takes credit for achievements which have been made by the TEAM.

And while I'm at it, it's 2024, why are you still such an unreconstructed old misogynist?

Stop being so fucking bland and beige and behave like a normal person - nobody is impressed by your humourless, joyless piety and it makes you look fucking weird.

The faux surprise and pretending not to understand when somebody else makes a minor error that you wouldn't have done because you're so thorough and careful (even though I can list at least three words you still constantly misspell after being told you're misspelling then) makes me want to punch you into the middle of next week.

It's OK if not everybody agrees with everything you say all the time and the sky will not fall down if you express an opinion that doesn't concur with that of whoever you're desperately trying to suck up to.

Colleague A - FFS, we don't need to hear YET AGAIN about your bottomless brunch tales you expect us all to laugh at. Every Monday.

Colleague B - No, surprisingly, I don't want to hear what disgusting things you would do for a million pounds. Every single day.

Colleague C - I'm actually pleased you think I'm a woke do-gooder. It means I'm nothing like you, you ignorant git.

I pretend not to hear you when you call my name (again!). It’s so tedious managing the snivelling office tell-tale. I think you’re a massive twat

Shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear you moan about how sore your back is, how your "trying" to stop smoking and what the fuck your doing to your house. You've been in every room and no one can work with you cause your such a lazy fucking cow. You stress us all out more than the kids just fuck off out the door and don't come back.

Since you started here you've made everybody's life a misery and we're all sick of you - except I did actually say this one day when I had been pushed too far.

You are not working when you write out for inconsequential information, put a BF on the case and stick it back in the outstanding case run. Pick up the fucking phone and ask them. Then do the work to clear the fucking case like you are paid to do you lazy, contrary bastard.

Please stop panting like you've walked up all of the stairs, we heard the lift.

If you have fallen out with every team and manager you have ever worked with and are collecting grievances like stamps, maybe just think that it could be you and not everyone else.

CLOSE YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU EAT!! Arrggghhhhhhh!

I do like you, but I can’t sit next to you as I need to breathe.

Look, you're a very nice person and you mean well - but I do not need or want a coffee and a catch up meeting. We aren't even working together on anything. Yes, I do have cancer but when I need help I will ask for it. There is a reason I li!e working from home.... I really don't like socialising!

Now I feel awful... She is such a nice person!

Ha yes mine are along similar lines.

Colleague 1: Please do not slurp your apple, no one else eats apples like that, it’s weird and disgusting.

Colleague 2: I’m so happy you’re leaving, I know you’re a nice enough person but the amount of noise you make doing a simple thing like finding a pen has to be heard to be believed. 10 minutes of cacophony.

Oooo can I have 2 please?

Colleague 1- we KNOW how little you do, we see how little you care. But we can't report you because you will make our life hell.

Colleague 2 - do some work. That is all.

I lost my job recently but if I could've it would've been;
"You're a two faced, incompetent, lazy wanker. We've all heard you smacking the life out your far younger wife. No one believes that's tea in your mug. And no, the customers don't love you, they think you're a little prick. Fuck you. Enjoy the job you stole back because speaking to the head office, that place is being taken back off the other boss you suck up to, so you'll be homeless soon you horrid old fucker".

Oh that felt good

This thread is doing me the world of good. I'm going to stash some biscuits for later on when I can get back and catch up with it 😀

Just STFU with your helpful comments about how my predecessor was so much better than me. They really weren't.

Jeez there can’t be more than one of these surely?!!

You are several steps above me and earn a bloody fortune. DO YOUR FUCKING JOB! It's not hard to turn up to meetings, reply to messages and complete actions when you say you will. FFS, delegate things out if you need to but for gods sake, at least try and justify the salary you earn 🤬

And on a more lighthearted note and to someone completely different who I actually like - stop bloody eating on teams meetings. No one needs to see you munching away - just eat between meetings or on lunch ffs.

Your staff wellbeing meetings are crap, they make us all feel anxious so just STOP sending invites.

I know so much about your life and your family and your health issues and how you feel about work and your boss and how undervalued you think you are and basically everything because you talk non stop about yourself. I don’t think you even know my children’s names.

Also, maybe if you start a new job and the entire team leaves and you are constantly falling out with all your colleagues and managers…the problem is you rather than them?

Why the fuck has no one fired you yet?

You say the same shit year in year out and it's all waffle. How no one higher than you has found you out is beyond me. Or what shit do you know that's making them keep you because the rest of us are dumbfounded?

Stop giving me your fucking work

The end