Four children 1-14 years sharing room

[Parques]

AIBU to think it's ridiculous and irresponsible that 4 children (same sex - male) aged from 1-14 are sharing a bedroom? There is a fifth child - a girl - who has her own room. There are no funds to extend/loft conversion etc. The children were all planned. No multiple births.

It's not ideal from a number of factors. I shared a room growing up....with a similar age sibling...and then had my own room from around the age of 12.

I don't think sharing rooms is a problem per se but 4 in a room is going to be crowded - if the room was enormous, presumably it would have already been split.

I can't fathom how bedtimes would work with a 1 year old, 14 yo and 2 in between for a start

Secondly there is no privacy for a boy going through puberty

As well as not having quiet space, space for toys (younger kids) or to study (older kids)...or just be alone or quiet

I think though posing the question as AIBU, lots of people are desperate to say yes, YABU regardless of the details!

Having said all that, while I do think it's unfair that 4 siblings are sharing and potentially irresponsible of their parents to set up that situation, presumably they just have to make the best of it, and find ways to make it work. If it's not your own family that's not a lot you can do about it!

And no it isn't, but that's an utterly ridiculous comparison. I live in a third floor flat with my DS. But I actually recognise that I can't afford any more children, so I stuck at one.

@Kalevala exactly - a family just adapts to the situation.
My Dad worked nights when me and my sister were young so he was asleep in the daytime.
That meant no playing in our bedrooms or no playing music or making a loud noise in the dinning room (the room under his bedroom) or no making a noise out in the garden.
Oh what a terrible childhood I apparently had 😂

I know at least two families in a similar situation where I live.

Three sons shoved in one room so that the youngest child (yes that's right, a girl!) gets a lovely spacious bedroom all to herself.

Wrong IMO.
I have four the same sex but two to a bedroom so it's reasonable. Everyone treated equally.

I feel sorry for families where the youngest is opposite sex of the older ones and treated differently.

Not fair on the 14 year old who will end up doing the night-time parenting. One year old should share with his parents so that parents deal with night-time wakings.

What does that have to do with this thread? So you have one sister and were asked to play quietly? Who wasn't?

How is that comparable to four children ranging from infant to adolescent sharing a bedroom?

Not having personal space of your own, not being able to have friends round, not being able to have your own stuff because there's no space, not having privacy, possibly being awoken by a 1 year old?

@Beezknees well personally I would have liked more than one child to live in my second floor rented flat. But it never happened 🙁
My 15 year old actually asked me yesterday why we didn't have another baby. I asked if she would have liked that. She said yes.
Anyway.....this is going off topic a bit.

I know a girl who was living with a family friend through sixth form due to a younger sibling having severe SEN. I agree most families can adapt to the space they have though, as long as parents enforce boundaries.

@MsPloddingBottom no 2 children (me and my sister) were told to be quiet.
The family in the OPs thread probably at least 3 of the children will have homework (not just the 14 year old) so 2 children will need to play quietly and/or leave them alone.
Fairly similar.

I don't think telling a 1yo to be quiet or go to sleep will work

Same here. I have two teenagers sharing, two primary aged sharing. Not a big deal.

The 18 month old should be in a cot in his parents' bedroom.

Why should the older siblings be dealing with night waking from a toddler, or working around the toddler's bedtime? The eldest child shouldn't have to be a substitute parent.

You can talk around in circles all you like virtue signaling but it still stands that your alternative solution was for the younger kids not to have a life at all.

I am not quite sure you understand the meaning of virtue signalling. And yes, fewer kids would be better where they aren't being properly cared for. Children who haven't been born don't know they haven't been born 😂

the reality is it’s up to each set of parents what way to raise their kids and it’s nobody else’s business

Ah but it is. It is why various government-led organisations like Social Services exist. Sometimes the way parents raise their kids must be others' business.

@MsPloddingBottom I worked with someone who had 3 teenage girls and then one suprise baby boy.
As soon as he learned to climb out his cot he would toddle off to sleep with one of his sisters (they had a room each). Every morning would be a surprise as to which room he was in.
Individual bedrooms doesn't mean you're always going to be left alone.
That's family life.

That thinking depends entirely on you thinking you know what your kids will like before they are even born

I'm sorry to hear that. But it doesn't negate the fact that cramming loads of kids into one room isn't great.

@MsPloddingBottom you don't tell a 1 year old to be quiet as such but you have him in the living room to play there while the homework doers are upstairs.
Close the living room door.
Close their bedroom door.
Not complicated.

I can guarantee that, given the choice, a 14 year old would not want to share a room with 3 younger siblings.

The one year old should be in the mum and dad's room. how on earth can you put a baby or toddler to bed in the same room as three older siblings, including a teenager? That's mad.

Sounds shit, especially for the oldest. I think it’s poor decision making with no care for the impact on existing children.

I do judge that yeah, especially if they aren’t keeping the youngest with them. 1 yr olds get up and kick off most nights, it is deeply unfair on the other kids.

If it was share, or not have those siblings, many would be happy to share.

🤣🤣🤣

ok so why doesn’t OP just ring social services then and tell on these terrible parents? Social services already know about large families and they must’ve deemed it ok

I mean you’ve really escalated here from a 14 year old not having a place to do homework to suddenly his siblings should never have been born and social services now need to be contacted because he has to share a room.

And yes it is virtue signalling whenever someone presents themselves as a better parent because they only had 2 kids and that allegedly makes their kids happier than the family of 5 kids

One year old should go in with the girl.
Parents bedroom should have a desk in it for the 14 year old to study in.

We have five children in a four bed house and even I think that it's much less than ideal.
My only caveat would be if the room was very large and had been divided so that each child had their own space.

I don't see why the one year old isnt sleeping in with the parents to be honest, that would give the older children more space to spread out in the bedroom.

I don't agree that each child needs their own bedroom if they live in a large house with adequate space downstairs. We have three reception rooms and the younger children usually play downstairs after school whilst the teens choose to stay upstairs more often than not.

If the house has only one reception room and the bedroom isn't divided then privacy and space to play will be compromised far too tightly in the example within the OP.

It's also dependent upon family dynamics, personalities and the opportunity to spend time outside of the home.

Do the children appear content, OP?

Yes but that's because they already exist.

I don't want a third child... therefore I won't have another. If I did have a third child, would I love it? Yes. Would I wish it wasn't here? No. That doesn't mean I should have one though.