To consider having a baby at 44

[littleloopylou]

I already have one child whom I love dearly. She desperately wants a sibling.

My partner and I met late in life.

We are financially secure.

I am aware it might not be possible.

I think that plenty of people have babies in far less ideal circumstances and think nothing of it. 44 isn’t particularly old: I don’t think I know anyone who chose to have a baby younger than their mid thirties and several who were late thirties / early forties with their first.

Do you want one? What your other child wants is much less important. You will be raising the child.

Absolutely nothing wrong with you trying OP. No-one's business but yours. Best of luck!

Go for it if you have the right partner.

Go for it. If I was in your position, I’d definitely have another.

i think it all depends on how you feel about it. What is worrying you?

Perfectly reasonable to expect that you’ll still be fit and healthy when your child is in adulthood.

I'd go for it, assuming everything else in your life is in a decent enough place to do so.

I would get all the tests though as there are some increased risks with pregnancy in your 40's.

I wish you the very best of luck with it!

Personally I wouldn't. I might be in a similar situation in a couple of years - I'm almost 41 with a 20 month old and DH is 48. We decided to stick with 1 and hopefully DS wont beg for a sibling. We can't face the newborn stage again though and have both managed to resume our careers and maintain some time for ourselves - I don't see how this would be possible with another child/more tired than we currently are.

A friend just urged me to do it.

When I see babies, I feel wistful.

The main concerns I have are wrecking my body, having a child with special needs, and not having any free time.

Nothing to stop you trying but as you know it may not happen, and IVF is less likely to work if you’re older too if that was something you were considering.

I wouldn't either, give the best life you can to the one you have. There is no guarantee that your child will get on with a sibling.

I'd stop contraception and see what happens.

You're braver than me! When I was 46 my DC both left home, I downsized and became mortgage free.

But all the best with whatever you decide. My youngest's godmother was 44 when she had her first and then went on to have another.

@Jk987 I'm considering this. I have an IUD though.

Agree with PP, 44 is not that old. In my pocket of South London, no one would bat an eyelid at a mid-40s mum with a newborn. Perfectly normal.

Go for it, if you’re able to and it’s what you want. Good luck.

44 IS old, please stop perpetuating the myth that 44 is an OK age to have a baby.

Very, very, very few women get pregnant at that age without significant and costly assistance. And even then the risks to the baby and mother are very high.

@OldTinHat this has been my dream ... A financially secure middle age. I don't know why this idea has seized me. Maybe it's perimenopause and some last dying gasp of fertility. Plus finally having an amazing partner.

So fertility is fine at 44 is it?

There are no risks to the baby with a mother at that age?

Your little pocket of South London is likely propping up a few dozen fertility clinics.

A bit different but I adopted at 44 after years of infertility. My DD is 16 now. It's been fantastic though I wouldn't have chosen to start this late.

Totally personal decision isn't it. I personally couldn't think of anything worse than having another kid at this age!

I think you’d need be prepared that it might end in a miscarriage or that there is a chromosome problem that means terminating the pregnancy. Unfortunately at this age it’s more likely that a pregnancy doesn’t work out.

I can’t think of anything worse. My youngest would be 14 when I’m 44. I’d hate to start again. So much more to life than just being a parent and I’m looking forward to having time to enjoy it.

@Cinai I know this is all right. Probably should keep my head out of the clouds

One of the hardest things I found about going from one to two was the time you take from the first. Yes they get different things, a sibling, a playmate (after 2 years or so) but those first two years you lose a lot of the one to one time you had. I still feel guilty about it. So it's worth considering that. Your bond with your first may well change especially as you are older and will find the toll of a newborn much harder and tiring.

Go for it if you want to - it's no one else's business and it's not that unusual these days to have kids in your mid-40s. You have set realistic expectations that it may not work out, but go for it and good luck! There are some heightened risks but you are the one taking them so again, your choice.

I wouldn't do it because your child wants a sibling. They're never guaranteed a decent relationship later in life. You need to do it because you want it.

I totally get how you must be feeling, it's like now or never so the pressure is definitely on and I'm assuming it takes over your every thought right now.

I also do understand why people would say don't do it but it's perhaps hard for them to understand that life doesn't happen at the same pace for everyone if they've had children a lot younger.

If it's really what you want then I say go for it! I'm 44 and pregnant (it's been a hard painful slog getting here) Ive had extra tests and things seem to be progressing really well this time. It's doable but you really need to decide soon as I'm no doubt you're fully aware.