To consider having a baby at 44

[littleloopylou]

I already have one child whom I love dearly. She desperately wants a sibling.

My partner and I met late in life.

We are financially secure.

I am aware it might not be possible.

Known three people to have babies in their 40’s - their children grew up ok and two without a father. Even know of a guy who fathered a child in their late 40’s 💕what a gift.

We’re not all peri upon hitting 40.

Good luck to you x

No, I certainly wouldn't plan it!

It would be madness to plan it at that age in my mind.

My eldest would be 23 and youngest 18 by the time I'm 44. I have no desire to start again and would feel ancient.

I have 3 kids and they all would love another sibling. Is it going to happen. Hell no. I wouldn't do it for giving dc a sibling. You and your partner have to decide if the risks are worth it.

Chances of a natural conception resulting in a baby are pretty low. Chances of a pregnancy & healthy baby if you use IVF with donor eggs are pretty high. Also pretty expensive.

However your DD is starting to reach a different phase where you will enjoy doing activities that aren’t so baby friendly. With a big age gap she’s not going to have a playmate in a sibling. That's not to say she won’t love her sibling but who knows whether they will end up close in the future.

What does your partner think?

Wrecking your body snd not having any me time are pregancy worries unrelated to your age.
But you do have a slightly increased chance if having a child with disabilities or autism.
You also have a small chance of conceiving naturally.
If you are fit and healthy and want another child then there's no harm in trying but you need to get on with and accept it may not happen unless you go down ivf route

I'd say YANBU if you genuinely wanted a baby at 44 but I don't think you do from your posts (I don't mean to be rude). It's because a friend has said 'it would be nice' and your DD said she wants a sibling. But all kids want what they don't have surely! Imaginary siblings are lovely 😅 ...plus don't let someone who wouldn't be raising the baby convince you, it could just be a passing comment.

I'm not making light of this as I'm 39 and sometimes think about another for my DD who is 6 -i also have people in my life who pass comment on it frequently!- but I don't have ideal circumstances and we are happy as we are so why rock the boat?
It's ultimately your decision however if you value free time I'd think carefully before giving it up again.

My partner genuinely wants a baby. He would never dream of pressuring me, but we spoke a bit tonight and it's clear he yearns for a child of his/our own (though he adores DD)

Do you think he would be a good father and pull his weight because he will need to

Is your partner the same age as you?
I think it would be a big shock to be a parent for the first time mid 40s and loose that freedom you've had for years.
If you were to go ahead it's best to plan how it will work ie. Is shared parental leave an option? Plus split nights when the baby wakes up and equal childcare.
Not to be pessimistic but it's good to iron this out beforehand as there's lots of posts on Mumsnet from men who don't do this (I write some of them 😅)

I think the most important thing you need to realise is that at age 44, you're stastically very unlikely to get pregnant. My mums menopause fully started at 45 - that's actually more likely than a pregnancy now.

It's not something I'd entertain after about age 42 as a possible reality

I got pregnant without trying at 44 but unfortunately lost her at 16 weeks. Go for it, the worst that can happen is you don't get pregnant & if you can cope with that, get trying.

@thatgirlinjapan I got pregnant on accident a year ago 🤷‍♀️

But yes, did miscarry. I'm fully aware that it probably wouldn't happen.

We had our youngst daughter late (not planned).
Age hasn't been an issue at all.
Go for it you can.

Don't get swayed by smushy newborns.

My son is a 5 month old planned only, and I already find myself getting wistful about "he'll never be this small again" moments.

But you have to want the kid for its and your entire life. That goes for the good and the bad - the expense, the loss of freedom, the body difficulties have to be weighed against whether you want the adult human in your life.

Don’t do it just because your DD wants it, OP. Bless her, but children change their minds all the time. And don’t do it just because your partner wants it, though that is obviously a plus.

Only do it if you really want to, after seriously considering the risks and disadvantages. It’s your body and probably most of the work over the next 20 years will be on you too.

But if you really want to, go for it. Best of luck to you all, whatever you decide.

How old is your partner OP? If he is much older than you you need to bear in mind his sperm will not be in tip top condition.

He is a year younger...so his sperm are probably still in good shape?

That's what I said

I personally couldnt think of anything worse. Potentially 62 before getting some freedom back if they go to uni.

35 was my cut off BUT I accept I was lucky enough to have met the right person before then and be able to have children without help.

At your age I would worry about multiples and additional needs.

My friend is 44 and has just had her second. It’s a choice totally personal to you.

I think your view is skewed that you live in 'a pocket of S London'.
44 IS old to have a baby, it always has been as it's towards the end of most women's fertility window. Most women can't conceive and carry a baby to full term at 44. A lot of the women that you see have probably used donor eggs, just like the celebrities who are having babies in their mid 40s. In previous generations, they would have presumed that a woman in her mid 40s with a newborn was probably the grandmother.

@littleloopylou don't have a baby because your child is desperate for a sibling. At your age, it has to be something that you both really want, having weighed up all the medical and other risks, which are much higher in your mid 40s.

I'm shocked not having free time is one of your main concerns. That suggests to me that having another child isn't for you at all! You just want a baby to cuddle, not a person to nurture.

I'd also be concerned about the likelihood that as your own children are establishing their lives enjoying that time in their life they'll be looking at care homes and supporting you through dementia or chronic illness. Life expectancy isn't what I'm getting at; it's disease free life expectancy that's pretty static at mid 70s. Would you want to be an orphan at 30?

I had my first at 40 and I'm so exhausted by parenting. Now heading into menopause at 42 and finding dealing with a toddler when I feel like crap so hard. I hadn't thought my age mattered that much but it's been tough. Of course depends how fit you are, when you start perimenopause etc but something to think about

@Isthisexpected I would enjoy nurturing a child, but it's tough with also working full time and managing life generally.

And @Isthisexpected concerns about my own old age are a part of it - theoretically at least, it would be easier for my daughter to handle these things with a sibling.

I am an only child and I look forward to the coming years of caring for my parents with dread (not least because I am not from this country and there is no path to bringing them here close to me) - which of course is another reason not to have a child 😔