To consider having a baby at 44

[littleloopylou]

I already have one child whom I love dearly. She desperately wants a sibling.

My partner and I met late in life.

We are financially secure.

I am aware it might not be possible.

The risks would be too much for me at that age OP. I personally wouldn't do it.

Lots to consider, including:

You might want a baby now, but do you want to be doing the primary school years in your 50s and high school years in your 60s?

Do you want to be supporting a student through university when you're in your late sixties - would this delay your retirement?

Age gap of siblings - is it too big? They're not likely to be playmates really with a 7/8 year gap. And then when your eldest is 16/17/18 she'll be independent and spending her free time with friends, work etc (we barely see our teen on evenings or at the weekend!).

Consider the financial impact - the cost of living isn't going to decrease. Life is going to continue to get more expensive. Would another child impact the things you can do and provide for your DD now?

These are things I would be seriously considering (I'm the same age as you).

I wouldn't myself. The next few years of her life will be gone in a moment and your attention will be taken up with getting pregnant and then with the high demands of a new born. And that's if it all goes smoothly.

Does she have cousins or the children of close friends that she can grow up with and develop those bonds with? I'd encourage and facilitate those relationships. I might also get a puppy! A loyal, adoring breed like a labrador for her to love.

I think that this is knocking some sense into me. It would be unwise to have a baby. Need to remind myself of this...

It may be a bit of or all of that - and you're lucky to have an amazing partner!

You've reminded me, though, of a neighbour. She had her third baby, a surprise, when her other DC were 23 and 18. Her DH (father to all) was about 15yrs older than her. Her surprise baby had just started at uni when her DH dropped down dead. Literally. It was very difficult for her and still is, 2yrs on.

I had my second child at 44 and I don't regret it for one moment. Yes a new born is tiring in your mid-forties, but I was desperate for another child and it has been so worth it. My personal choice and my experience, but it will be different for everyone.

I don’t see what harm there is in trying. Maybe set some parameters around how far you will go to try (ie a budget) to keep your expectations under control.

And dealing with elderly parents when you have siblings who don't care, or who are on the other side of the world, or who aren't speaking to you, or who disagree with you at every turn isn't a barrel of laughs either.

Its not how young, fit and energetic you might feel at 44, but whether that's going to last through another 20 years of the parenting journey and beyond. You will need to work hard at your diet, fitness and general health and keep your fingers crossed you avoid unforeseen health conditions if you're going to do that without either shortchanging them or exhausting yourself. I'm 54 and could cope with a ten year old because I'm lucky to be fit and healthy, and have no other responsibilities. Many of my friends who are already finding life a challenge, with health, menopause, plus care of elderly parents would really struggle.

Just had my little girl at the ripe old age of 44, she’s snoozing away on my chest 🥰 ivf, my own egg, I consider myself very lucky (less than 5% chance of it working) but here we are! It’s fine, I’m good for my age (better than some of my younger friends), financially secure and my family tend to live well into their 90s so here’s hoping. Who knows what turn life will take, all I knew was I wanted a sibling for our daughter and I’m so glad I did. Second time round I’m a lot calmer and mature about things; yes I’m tired but I know it’s fleeting and before I know it she’ll be starting school!

You might want a baby now, but do you want to be doing the primary school years in your 50s and high school years in your 60s?

Do you want to be supporting a student through university when you're in your late sixties - would this delay your retirement?

Age gap of siblings - is it too big? They're not likely to be playmates really with a 7/8 year gap.

All the above - I do know a few who had babies 44 or later and it was all fine but the risks are so much higher - and you do have to think further than relatively immediate baby stage.

You're 44 now with a 7 yo.
So you were pregnant at 36?

This doesn't read like you met late in life?

You were in your mid/late 30's and didn't try for more kids when it would have been easier.

This sounds more like hormones than you actually wanting a child.

What wait until now if you really wanted two children?

I had my second one at 42. Secure financial position, healthy baby.
but at 49 I am so tired, all the time. And even though the kids are at school it is relentless.
if your age gap is small I would consider it, if it is a large gap I probably wouldn’t.

Do you want to be doing the primary school years in your 50s and high school years in your 60s?
I have to agree with this i mean its not the now its the later aswell.
There are lots of older mums now its normal but i wouldnt do it my baby has moved out nothing could make me go back to them days.
I know mums that have had a baby 44 46 48 (even one at 50 im sorry but thats just not fair on the child)
Just because you can dont mean you should.
Mums & dads are getting older but when is it too old.
You cant help how you feel but really think about it you want some freedom back at some point.
Parenting in to your 60s thats your time your years.
Good luck with what you choose.

Personally I think it's too great a risk. The chances of problems due to chromosomes and other factors are just too high. But up to you in the end.

I had my DD with an abusive and poisonous ex. My current partner is the opposite and will be my life partner barring some sort of horrible tragedy.

I am 44 and couldn't, wouldn't consider it.

I have teens diagnosed in the last 1/2 years with ASD/ADHD and tbh if I was at retiring age and (even more) exhausted the family would be in bits.

Your child has a massively rose-tinted view of what a sibling looks like. They see a playmate and someone they can boss around. The reality is much less quality time with parents and by the time the baby is old enough to join in games/roleplaying etc. the elder child has moved on and wants time and space alone or with friends

I had my first daughter at 40 and watching at 42. Natural conception, no issues with pregnancy and both are wonderful healthy, happy children. There are a lot of scare stories but there are a lot of really good stories too. It's been bloody brilliant! We're very tired but the youngest is almost 16 months now and we're just starting to feel normal again but I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

My youngest was born when I was 40. My reflection at 52 is that her needs are going to mean hands on, in your face parenting for at least another ten years. Of course you can have a baby if you're still able. It's not a decision I would make again

Just because you can dont mean you should.
No thank you.
Ive started to notice that their is a rise in older mums.
Still doing school runs till nearly 60 i want to be on a beach somewhere with a cocktail at 50s 60s with no responsibility.

There's nothing wrong with trying but be realistic.
My friend was trying for a baby at 44 and it didn't happen. She read that the chance of conceiving at 44 was around 3% over the year and that 50% of these pregnancies would end in miscarriage. I don't mean to be negative but it's important not to raise your hopes.

I think I'd take the IUD out and have lots of sex and see what happens. You'll either get pregnant and it sticks, or you won't. Lots of women do manage to conceive at 44 and if you want another baby with your DP, I'd just try. It probably won't happen, but it might. What will you regret more - trying or not trying?

I had my first at 37 and the second at 43.
I love both dearly but if someone ask me if they should have kids in 40s, I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are a millionaire who can afford a nanny as it’s expensive and tiring!
I’m 50 this year and it is not very fun looking after very energetic 6year old and indifferent preteen when you are yourself suffering from pre menopause… 😫

There’s nothing wrong with removing your IUD and seeing what happens. But please make sure you’re emotionally prepared that you’re unlikely to get pregnant, and if you do, that it may well end in a miscarriage and/or with various other complications. I know it’s easy to understand in theory but that’s different from being ready for the emotional turmoil each time you get your period and realising that even the faint chance is slipping away. At 44 most women would be advised to use donor eggs.