To have been angry at this question from a stranger

[Whowhatwherewhenwhy1]

Was in a shop buying shoes with youngest child when a random lady came over and said how pretty dd was and what lovely shoes she had chosen. She then said “Is she your only child? To which I said no actually we have six children. She asked what age and I said she was the youngest at 7 and the oldest child is now 30. The lady then said “Oh my you have been busy. Do they all have the same father?”
Was aibu to think this was a bloody rude question to ask a total stranger? (The answer is yes they do all have the same father).

I get this all the time as a mum of 5

Yes it's bloody rude

You can imagine if you said yes to her being your only child she would have said something derogatory like "oh, what a shame, she must be lonely', or 'oh dear, what was wrong with you?'
Haha. Absolutely mad. I don't know why they can't just smile and say 'hello, and then mumble 'ah, so cute' when seeing a child with their Mum? Bit awks but at least its not rude!

The world contains a number of people who have no filter on their questions and comments to others, including to strangers.

I've lost count of how many times I WISH I'd thought to say "Obviously, you're a complete stranger but are you always this rude?"

Next time give an answer that will embarrass her.

Most people in the UK don't like answers that involve death so say "No the older kids father died by a toilet exploding" or some such nonsense.

I have many dc and used to get that all the time. Before they get chance now I declare I now have a TV...

She was just making conversation.

It is rude... I know more than one father is probably a fairly common scenario with 4+ kids, but all the same it's just a really rude question so you don't ask it!

Yes, I think it's a rude question.

Yes, but the world does contain a significant number of people with no filter and the emotional intelligence of a sock. I’ve lost count of the number of total strangers who have expressed horror and sadness or called me ‘selfish’ on discovering DS is an only child. Or, when Irish and living in England, ‘If you’re Irish how were you clever enough to get into Oxford?’ ‘Do you have fridges?’ ‘Your lot did that’ (stranger at a bus stop across from an army recruitment centre bombed by the IRA when I was in primary school in another country), ‘It’s a savage country, isn’t it?’

People are weird.

Yes it was rude.

A good way to deal with rude questions is either say 'That's a bit nosey' or ask a question in return like 'Why do you ask that?'

I use a light tone at first with a smile and usually they get embarrassed.

People seem to have stopped using their filters.

I am 100% stealing the phrase "emotional intelligence of a sock"

Definitely rude. Being me, I would probably say ‘No, all different dads- Fathers Day is a logistical nightmare ,’ tinkly laugh.

But then I would not have been as,ing any of those questions - how many? How old? …

These threads are useful for when these rude people inevitably come across our own paths.

I would have a stock passive aggressive answer:
Smile sweetly, "Ah bless you! Have you always had no filter or has it just come about as you hit the menopause/aged?"

Yes it's judgy, but it's matching like with like.

And you don't think the bit about the father is rude/intrusive/unnecessary?

I can make conversation with strangers without asking highly personal questions.

It’s depressing how frequently you might find yourself using it!

Yep, some people have no idea. You smile and keep your opinions nosey questions to yourself.
A gossipy friend came up to me in the queue for the doctor's receptionist and announced she'd just been for her blood test. Then she asked me why I was there. I told her to mind her own business (jokey not jokey) and she gave a shrug and walked off. The guy in front of me in the queue turned round and smiled at me :)
But it is funny at the doctor's - it's a small town and everyone knows one another, so you get a lot of "Hello, you alright?" "I'm alright, how are you?" "Yeah, I'm fine", So everyone is 'alright' but they're all waiting to see the doctor!

Actually, the first question was rude, let alone the subsequent ones and I don't know why OP answered. I would just not have engaged at all.

I get it all the time with my 6 dc.

I usually say "I'm pretty sure they do, there's a couple that are a bit iffy" soon shuts them up 🤣🤣

DGCs are of mixed race, one noticeably paler skinned than the other. A total stranger said to their mum ‘What beautiful children, do they have the same father?’
They are beautiful, but even so…

Very rude. I hope you told her so!

No, she was being nosey and rude.

Yes, rude. Next time “no idea who their fathers are”. That ought to shut them up.

Playing devils advocate she maybe wondered if you had had 'two families', with the number and age range of your kids - as in you had three with one partner and then remarried and had another three, but she should have resisted the temptation to ask and if she absolutely had to, I imagine there is a more pleasant way to find out.

My two are very different looking, and the cashier in Home Bargains asked me if they were sisters, I said yes. Then she looked again and said 'same daddy?'. I've dined out on it for years.

This reminded me of when I was a child, about 4 maybe. I remember it 40 years later..my mum took me to see an older lady who she knew from a few years back, in her home country.
The lady insisted on referring to me as adopted. Mum corrected her but she actually refused to believe her?! Started questioning how it could be possible that I wasn't and stuff. Utterly mad. My mum was 45 so I guess she simply could not believe a pregnancy was possible? Weird and we never spoke to her Again lol.

It's rude. My eldest is 33 and youngest is 9 with 5 in between inc twins.

I'm asked all the time if they all have the same Dad. And my favourite 'were the planned?' ffs.

People get even more confused when I have the grandchildren 😂