To have been angry at this question from a stranger

[Whowhatwherewhenwhy1]

Was in a shop buying shoes with youngest child when a random lady came over and said how pretty dd was and what lovely shoes she had chosen. She then said “Is she your only child? To which I said no actually we have six children. She asked what age and I said she was the youngest at 7 and the oldest child is now 30. The lady then said “Oh my you have been busy. Do they all have the same father?”
Was aibu to think this was a bloody rude question to ask a total stranger? (The answer is yes they do all have the same father).

I’d answer ‘That’s a very personal question to ask someone you don’t know’ And that would be that. What a nosey question to ask!

Some people don't have any filter. Unless she says it with a tone or came across as judgy then I would try not to take offence.

'They all have the same father except for one, but you'll have to ask your husband about that one!' Wink.

@Justleaveitblankthen

Why do you think the rude woman was over the age of menopause? The OP didn't mention her age.

I agree your body, your choice ...but there's no harm a medical professional taking the time to make sure you had thought through your decision fully. That would include thinking about any implications the decision had for your current relationship and it's stability. Getting sterilised isn't usually a decision one parther makes on their own?

So fucking rude! What difference would it make to her anyway especially as a stranger. When I was pregnant I was asked "was it planned or a surprise" by someone new at work whose name I didn't even know so basically a stranger. Maybe some people just don't think before they speak or are that nosey that they don't care how rude their question is!

I would have said "Possibly, not sure."

How bizarre! My children have different fathers but I've sadly never been asked. I'd love to know how the conversation follows from that 😂

I think that was very rude, and I'd have told her so. It's no business of hers anyway. When I had twins a common question was "oh, are they natural". Initially I didn't know that people meant "did we have IVF". I used to reply "Yeah, we just fucked and they happened".

I had my DD when I was 42. I was asked the same question but I knew what people meant. My response was my mum had me at the same age. If the person was a medical professional they then had to spell it out.

To be fair two of the politest conversations I had with people about being pregnant was one of my opticians and my dentist at the time. My optician's wife was around the same age when she had their child, and my dentist was deciding whether to have a child herself in her 40s. My dentist did so sadly for me she is no longer my dentist.

In regards to twins as there are many twins in my family the normal way to approach it is to ask if twins run in the family. Even then it doesn't mean you will get told they are IVF as it is no-ones business. Also funnily the couples who I do know did have IVF aren't generally asked due to people's biases over who normally has IVF.

But so many people have kids by more than one person. Is it offensive to be thought of as one of these people? Surely it would be rude, also, to assume the kids all had the same dad as that’s making that “default” option.

also the woman was asking because the woman had such a significant age difference across her children - it is an obvious question to wonder about. It’s not like the op had two kids 6 and 3 and she asked whether they had different dads…because that wouldn’t be the first question that crosses your mind. But yes with a huge age gap people are trying to get a sense of how that came to be.

Was it her business? No. Is it an offensive question? if you’re insulted by the idea of being a person with more than one father to your children maybe.

A friend of mine had loads of people asking if her first pregnancy was ‘planned’ !!

can’t believe people asked that!

I have 4 and was always asked the same thing -
Yes they all have the same father
Yes we had tv

Yep, completely rude. I have a mixed heritage and my family all have different skin tones. Have often been asked if we are related, have the same Dad.. adopted??

I don’t really know where people expect the conversation to go. It’s just nosy and ignorant.

I'd have honestly burst out laughing in an assumption she was a bit nutty!

This is where this comes into play.

People ask me this ALL the time I used to get annoyed but still feel like I had to answer and justify it ???? Now I’m older I just say ‘no all different ! I’m a cock connoisseur!’

That was extremely cheeky. She crossed the line.

I've been asked that loads, not massively bothered to be honest, and I ask it myself

We adopted our ds aged nearly 4. We lived in a small village and, obviously, I couldn't just suddenly pass him off as my own but the amount of people who openly asked why couldn't I have kids "of my own" and whose "fault" was it, mine or dh's? was astonishing. Some (nosy buggers) even asked me what his background was, in a fake sympathetic voice, as if I was about to spill the beans on all his highly confidential early trauma to them!

It's laughable, not sure which part 😂🙄

It is kinda funny, I'd ask the same of a bloke

This. I like to say things that make people regret the rude questions they ask. When I fell pregnant with DS2 when DD was under a year old I was asked frequently if it was planned/did we plan to have them so close together. I just said “no, we usually do it up the bum but one night DH slipped and here we are”. That soon shut them up.

I was asked that so often I think I got immune to that one.

Better than MIL who as we hadn't announced tying to family assumed they were all accidents and told people this. DH got fed up of being ribbed by mates and got very blunt in end.

Still DH cousin announced trying as due to medical complications IVF was needed - they had people shouting across roads asking if his wife was pg yet.

Yes it was an odd thing to say and maybe a bit rude, but does it really matter?

No they’ve all got different fathers; I’m working my way through the Household Cavalry.

I also like @Dearg’s “no, all different Dads, Fathers’ Day is a logistical nightmare”.

I wouldn’t assume some neuro divergence but I wouldn’t feel the need to be aggressive to the woman in case she meant no harm and just didn’t think. She may be crass, nosey, judgy or deliberately rude. Retorting with “are you menopausal” as suggested upthread is shitty. A bit of deadpan humour wouldn’t go amiss, it’s not attacking her but it will shut the conversation down as others have said.

But I am both ND and menopausal so obviously can’t be relied upon to conduct myself properly.