To have been angry at this question from a stranger

[Whowhatwherewhenwhy1]

Was in a shop buying shoes with youngest child when a random lady came over and said how pretty dd was and what lovely shoes she had chosen. She then said “Is she your only child? To which I said no actually we have six children. She asked what age and I said she was the youngest at 7 and the oldest child is now 30. The lady then said “Oh my you have been busy. Do they all have the same father?”
Was aibu to think this was a bloody rude question to ask a total stranger? (The answer is yes they do all have the same father).

No idea, waiting on DNA results (you nosey impertinent cow).

The chap looked appalled and said “Does he know?”

why did he think your dh was a bit thick and wouldn't have noticed the bump?

And when there's a large age gap , they ask if the youngest was a surprise.

'I go to lots of orgies, so the kids could be anyones! In fact, I'm not even sure if I'm the mother of half of them 🤔!'

This thread has given me some quick replies to use, so thank you. I get this all the time, but from a childless perspective. A random walked past my house and asked where all the kids were? Are they inside somewhere then??? She was adamant she'd seen a push chair the week prior- she hadn't! Unknown to her, I'd had my 3rd MC a week prior, so I was a bit taken aback.

It is rude.

With three it people said they assumed childminder - though our three could not look more a like - never sure how to respond and why they felt necessary to inform me of it.

Rudest was when I ended up doing house selling tour of our last house- did I mean to have three children. It was a large family house - 3 bed but we were moving on to a 4 and the shared bed room was quite large. They were also miffed I wouldn't let their one child steal one of my DC toys and leave the house with it.

My sister has six kids and used to be asked "are you catholic?"
My sister would respond that she'd have had twice as many if she were, but hers were all planned at 2-3 years apart.

Showing an interest is one thing. Making assumptions is quite another

😂😂😂

Yes, bloody rude from this person. Don't waste too much time thinking about it. Some people are just cunts.

This woman might be on the autistic spectrum. Neuro-typical people will have all sorts of thoughts (like, 'I wonder if this woman has had more than one relationship to have seven children') but will have learned about social filters. Often, people on the spectrum will learn by observing how NT behave so they can fit in/mask, however you like to view it. But they must continually be aware of what the rules for mimicking are - it won't be a naturally inherent mode for them. Occasionally, especially in social situations that are stressful, these 'rude' comments/questions can be blurted out.
I would assume that to have been the case in your situation @Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 and it's probably best to laugh it off.

Referencing the menopause in this way is not only misogynistic, it also displays your level of ignorance about the menopause. I would re-think your technique to avoid being thought of as a bigot.

Gosh there are loads and loads of ND people around due to the number of people who report such incidents.

More likely there are loads of nosey people around who are puzzled when people don't fit into their biases.

(Should add I've had crap about my daughter from such idiots.)

I talk shit when I am nervous and have said the most cringeworthy things to people.
I apologies on her behalf... I doubt very much her intention was to be a dick.

I had similar from an ex-manager's wife. We went out to dinner, she was sitting between me and another (female) colleague. She asked colleague how many kids she had. She responded "four." She then asked me how many I had, to which I replied "three." She then asks me if mine all had the same dad.

I'm pretty sure there was an element of unconscious bias at best, and out and out racism at worst, as she didn't ask my white colleague if the kids all had the same father...

I don't know about this one.
Extremely rude in general, but might be relevant in a medical setting where the talk was about contraception?

I remember years ago,my father reeeaaallllllyyy wanted to go and see jurassic Park

He hadn't been to a cinema in years and he felt it would be a bit odd to go on his own,so looked round and remembered he had 4 kids of his own

We where rounded up and word soon got out in our close knit street that we where going

So of course other kids where asking if they could come too-to which mums and my dad said yes-we made up a group of about 15 kids

Off we went,watched it and we where all trailing out,when a bloke saw us-'mate!are they all yours?'

My dry witted father-'nah,I found that one,and that one,those two-maybe even that one in the local car park and asked if they wanted to come to the cinema with me-i bribed them with sweets'

The poor bloke just backed off slowly

I have been asked if mine have the same father,did I own a TV and have I never heard of condoms?

I find a dark stare and silence worked-they soon backed up

Fucking rude-although the time my (then 17 year old) dd took her siblings to the shop to buy me a mothers day present,and was stopped and then poked in the chest by a an older lady who told her 'it's fucking disgusting-having so many kids at your age'

Dd told her that 'its fucking disgusting that your judging me for being with my brothers and sisters and not my own kids as I don't have any-keep your nasty beak out!' (I wish I was that blunt)

I used to see that woman out and about and she avoided me for years

ND is more common than we tend to assume.

There are lots of women in their forties+ who are ND who would have been diagnosed had they been born later.

A perfectly reasonable question in that context.

Not on Mn. Every rude person is immediately armchair diagnosed.

Ive got 3DC (big gap between 2 & 3) and get this question all the time. When I was telling people, especially at work, I was pregnant so many asked if it was an accident. People are so rude but Im used to it now.

Now we're back at the school gates with DC3, when his friends parent find out we've got adult kids, the questions start again.

I often feel like having a sign that says 'yes all DC have the same parents & no, DC3 was NOT an accident'.

I do understand why you felt aggrieved but personally I’d give the lady the benefit of the doubt and move on.

There are a bunch of scenarios that don’t involve intentional rudeness:

• It may have been just curiosity on the lady’s part rather than intentional rudeness (ie she may have simply found you wonderful and fascinating)!
• Perhaps she was trying (misguidedly) to show you that she was ‘modern’ and had an open attitude to mixed families? After all, if she’s old then she’s probably seen a lot of changing attitudes over the decades.
• Perhaps she or her daughter has a blended family herself and wondered (incorrectly, as it turned out) if you were the same?
• Perhaps the lady spends a lot of time on her own and was desperate for a chat but rusty at conversation?
• Maybe her family tend to be more outspoken about stuff like that and she doesn’t realise it’s not the done thing.
• Maybe she’s just a klutz and blurts out things but means no harm by it.

It can be tempting to assume someone was trying to be rude but generally I’ve learned (at a cost!) that if someone says something that could be taken a number of ways, it’s nearly always better to assume they meant the nicer or neutral meaning. The bonus is that this approach completely de-arms the power of passive-aggressive or rude people to ruin your day!

Well, perhaps she did think that she was just making conversation, but that doesn't make what she said OK or any less rude.

It was very rude. I'd have been tempted to say so.

Stop digging.

My DP, a couple of my neighbours and a few other people we know are ND. (And yes some of them are women.) They never asked these sort of questions when we first met them.

In fact I've been asked inappropriate and inquisitive questions by ND teens but even they have seen and talked to me more than once before they do so.

This is very rude. For some reason some people think it's ok to ask this question if more than 2 DCs and/or large age gaps between them. I just say 'I'm not sure, who knows?'🤔

mm, see, I did not think so, it was me who wanted to be sterilised, I was done having babies, my body, my choice, not sure who the father was should have a bearing. what if they had all had different dads?🤔

Yes it was rude! Whether she meant to be/knew she was being rude is another matter and we can’t know. But as a pp said, that’s not curiosity or making conversation, that’s nosey and really inappropriate.