To think it’s very hard to live in the uk without inheritance or family money?

[Lifesucksthenyoudie]

Just that really. Social mobility seems almost impossible at the moment without a head start. I earn a decent salary (Dh doesn’t but that’s another post) but my standard of living is so much worse than my parents and my mother didn’t work until we were in secondary school and even then part time for peanuts. Nursery fees and mortgage alone wipe us out. I haven’t inherited any money (large family, no chance) and feel a bit stuck. Not after sympathy just interested to see if others feel a bit trapped. Why is our society geared up this way?

Not sure which generation you’re from. My dad was definitely one of thatchers children. He hankered after the latest car / foreign holidays and we had a mortgaged four bed detached home. He ran a carpet shop and my mum didn’t work.

I still only inherited a pretty small amount (under £50k) when he died as he went bankrupt in the late 80s and he moved to a one bed flat after mum died. But you’re probably more thinking of our grandparents generation rather than boomer parents who pretty much discovered Benidorm.

What's luck got to do with it? If you work hard then you work hard. That's it.

Graduating into a recession or not is mostly lucky and timing - quick google shows there's a wealth of information that show impacts years later - and often the impact is worse for those coming from lower societal economic background's.

Though we've had people say were we lived with cheaper housing (at the time) is lucky - it was planning and compromises we made.

I worry about DD1 she studying and talking about going into a career that low paid but wants not only huge number of qualifications and lots of free work - she's 18 so hope she'll look again after paying a few bills or finds a way to make it pay for her - some do whether she can remains to be seen or she'll have to do career changes like DH and I managed for better opportunities.

Care work is very stressful! They have 15 mins for each appointment and don't get paid for driving between them. When I had to do a speed awareness course, it was full of carers who'd been done for speeding because they don't have enough time to get between appointments and lose money for lateness.

You can't assume that low paid jobs are less stressful than high paid jobs either. Most CEOs claim their jobs are super-stressful but if they really were, they wouldn't be spending two days a week on the golf course.

@mumpenalty in that case, the OP should say "it is imposible to live well, if you have chosen a badly paid job". I fully agree with that. But that's why some of us chose careers which might not be very exciting, but pay well. The OP's husband is in a badly paid job, she says. I am single now, but when I had a husband, I would not have picked one with a badly paid job. I didn't come here to suffer. I have encouraged my children to do the same. If you want to live well, you have to plan very carefully and make the right choices earlier in life, and that's why in my first post I mentioned education. Without a good education, most people are destined to not live well. I understand it was different 50 years ago

Yup, same. My parents had (until very recently) multiple foreign holidays a year, drove top of the range cars, sent their three kids to private school, and still rattle around in an enormous house. They had professional jobs like me, and I couldn't dream of a lifestyle like that. I earn a decent enough salary but have a very average three bed terrace house and couldn't afford to send even one child to private school. Of course there will be individual members of the Baby Boom generation that experienced hardship, as there are in any generation, and of course upper class people have always had it easier than middle class people who've always had it easier than working class people. But as someone else on this thread has said, the economic winds were behind that generation in a way that they haven't been for Generation X downwards (and as a Gen Xers, the 90s were still a hell of a lot better than they are now).

No we should be pushing for reform to rent laws. If renting is the norm, then tenants need more rights and protections.

I don't know about people hankering after owning aspirational cars etc. My dc and their friends in their early twenties aren't like that - They all work hard, have few material possessions, rent and like to go out occasionally - with a large dependence on "pre's". They have one holiday a year in a cheap country in Europe. But if you want to spend money on expensive cars, have an expensive beauty habit and buy lots of clothes, then you are making your choice. You can't have it all.

My peer group aren't like that either although most of them own their own home - cars and stuff are largely unimportant (we're in our40s and 50s for reference).

I'm curious about those whose DHs left them - didn't their ex DHs have to pay them half their pension and half proceeds of the house?

No support from parents here either. Aside from being interested and supportive in my academics.

No tutors for A-Level, just state school. University for which I got a student loan and worked at the same time. I paid off my student loan via salary - took about 10 years I think.

Most of my friends who now have comfortable lives lived in shared houses in London for a few years post Uni whilst training. Enabled us all to save deposits. We all had pretty shitty living standards compared with those people who had their own homes at 24-25 but our earning potential increased more rapidly. We chose smart careers.

For the poster who said that sometimes things like unplanned pregnancies and redundancies happen. Yes they do. But you make choices in life. And that's ok. But I don't think it's fair to say that you can't get anywhere without an inheritance.

You can - you just have to make choices. Difficult ones sometimes.

Ok that makes sense. Thanks

Not sure what you’re whining about? If your DH has a badly paid job then surely he can provide childcare and so nursery fees will no longer be a problem? Or he could work more hours, in a second job if necessary. Or look for a better paid job.

At the end of the day you have to cut your cloth according to your income just like the rest of us.

We would manage without inheritance on a joint income of about 90k but the things we have been able to do with the inheritance are:

• Buy a 4 bedroom detached house (would probably still be renting or have bought a much smaller house)
• Have a 3rd child (didn’t have room for her before inheritance and couldn’t have afforded the childcare and still maintained a good standard of living for the other 2)
• yearly abroad holiday (budget of around 5k)

Although I’m very sad to have lost the grandparent I inherited from I think that they would have been absolutely delighted that I was still young enough to make the decision to have another child because of their money.

I was a sham when my kids were little, now in their twenties.

In terms of houses, it was calculated at three times your salary, so they were more affordable. However, interest rates were a lot higher than today, so not quite as cheap as people may assume, and the recession in early nineties sent many people into negative equity. People were stuck unable to move. Also there was more progression of houses - flat, terraced. , semi detached etc whilst people seem to be jumping straight into houses nowadays.

My DH and BIL inherited money. Both are terrible at frittering money away. I encouraged my husband sell our house and to move up the housing ladder, which we did as a family. So essentially he invested his, BIL spanked the lot (talking tens of thousands) on gambling and crap basically. He’s now still renting a room and now with nothing. My husband does thank me for encouraging him to do the right thing.

I still don’t understand why BIL would do that, when given a big chunk of cash and just waste it on… well nothing really!?!

That's not quite true that most people in Europe rent. I know lots of people in France, Spain, Germany - all of whom own their own homes, even younger people. Some rent, yes, but if they get the chance to buy/inherit their property then they do so. There is one couple I know who rent as he gets a very good deal on his rent from his company (some sort of finance company) but this is in Geneva. But they do have a family home.

But I don't think it's fair to say that you can't get anywhere without an inheritance.

You can - you just have to make choices. Difficult ones sometimes.

I'd agree it's much harder for younger generations but still possible with good choices or yes some luck - or when bad stuff happens social and economic resources to ride the hard times out.

DS working hard in his education to get into a well paid and interesting career - my girls seem less focused which is exact opposite of me and my siblings where DSis and I were ambitious focused ones - though life has thrown us both some curves along the way.

I've been single for the last 15 years, brought up 3 children without support from the ex, dreadfully concerned about my future as I approach old age. Working myself into the ground in my 50s to try and help from a pension point of view but it's just too late to fill in the gaps left by divorce and an ineffective CSA/CMS system. I am barely making ends meet whilst working full time and doing additional work on the side.

I'm curious about those whose DHs left them - didn't their ex DHs have to pay them half their pension and half proceeds of the house?

You assume there is a pension and/or a house in positive equity to have to give half of! It's not that simple, is it?

It's really not simple, you're right. Apologies, I was stuck in a mindset that everyone on MN in their 50s or over are well off/have house equity and pensions! Just goes to show there's a spread across generations, though I know on average Millennials are finding it tougher to get on the housing ladder.

I think its near impossible for the majority of people to get on the housing ladder without inheritance or parental help, yes.

Pretty much everyone I know has:

1: Inherited or given money for a deposit
2: Able to buy a house near family so they have assistance with childcare

The same applies to anyone I know who has more than one child.

I have friends on significantly lower household income from me who can afford to have more than one child because they have parental help with childcare,

There are lots of messages here. Haven’t had time to read them all to see if this has been mentioned.

It used to be one salary for one mortgage. And mortgages were max 2.5x that one salary. That kept house prices down and meant that one salary could afford a house.

Also social housing used to be available but that changed a lot with the right to buy scheme. Brilliant for some. But meant less people to a house as it wasn’t a controlled system anymore and lack of social housing pushed people who were on the edge of being able to afford it into private renting.

You used to get tax relief on mortgage interest so it was generally cheaper.

Although interest rates were high, housing prices were relatively low to today.

Wages and salaries have not increased in line with cost of living.

Generally market forces of supply and demand have increased cost of housing and cost of childcare and other services. This is especially felt in larger cities, I should imagine mostly London.

I live in London, an older babysitter is £13ph. My friends who live 2hrs from London pay £6. For an adult.

I can’t afford £39 to go to the pub or elsewhere for three hours… so I don’t go. Much like other people. Which kills trade locally, which has more knock on effects. It is an absolute mess out there!

I know quite a few people who must be having family help to live the lifestyle they are in the location they live - unless they have a very good side hustle.

We however got here on our own . It was education , hard work and making the right decisions . For DH it was being a workaholic and not afraid to take risks . For me it was being in the right place at the right time and being brave/ foolhardy to take a chance offered , I regard myself as distinctly average in my profession . A big part of life is luck OP and no amount of societal change or legislation will change that .

Keep an eye out for those chances and make sure you live well within your means .

For me it was being in the right place at the right time and being brave/ foolhardy to take a chance offered, I regard myself as distinctly average in my profession . A big part of life is luck OP and no amount of societal change or legislation will change that.

Keep an eye out for those chances.

This is absolutely true as well. Definitely relate to this.

It’s geared up this way because although it’s great to empower women to work, the backfire is now they are expected to and in most cases need to live.
In the previous generation life was simpler. And that’s the crux of it all.
Simpler. Less expectation of things. Less paid for ‘days out’ to go to. A walk round the woods on a Sunday afternoon, a visit to grandmas and a yearly zoo visit or similar was the norm.
Huge expectation of holidays and the price tag of those is insane both UK and abroad. I went on holiday camping a few times as a kid and that was it. That was normal. Most years we didn’t go at all.
Everything was hand me down. Shoes, clothes, bags, school stuff.
Everything my parents bought for their house was second hand. Even the carpets. Adverts were in the paper and most people bought second hand.
People want more. And the more stuff they want, the more expensive it all gets.
Population growth is another reason as there arnt enough houses so the price goes up and up and up.
The trouble is families have switched to two working parents, it hasn’t made most people happier or better off. Everything has just increased in price and expectation.

Our society is geared that way because all societies are geared that way. Everywhere in the world people hand down knowledge, wealth, possessions and privilege to their family more than to other people. This becomes a particular problem when house prices are inflated to very high levels by a combination of multiple successive generations handing down wealth and an ultra competitive economy.

Most people struggle working and childcare costs outweighing wages, which is why people often are forced to be a stay at home parent until nursery hour kick in. I hear so many people who rely on family, we've never had that, and whilst it was possible when childcare costs were half the price, full price meant we were losing money even with the UC top up.

It's perfectly possible to have a decent standard of living assuming you haven't got ypurself into debt, and don't have excessive spending habits and justify things as necessity when realistically they really aren't without the help of family money or inheritance.

Even university, isn't essential unless its a requirement for the profession. Most people could self study through open university and work if they just wanted a degree.

Thd other thing we have now, is home working has become more common, many jobs offer this now, and that was definietly a rarity when my parents were at my life stage.

You have to have realistic expectations, adapt to the way the world changes and prioritise your spending alongside self development to get ahead nowadays. You can have a decent life, without a struggle on a fairly average income.

Me and DH have neither inheritance or family money, and don't find it difficult, however our parents have more disposable income as they still all work full time and all their children are grown, so the do help us in smaller ways which makes life easier, for example, my mum pitched in with school uniform which saved us a fortune, and my FIL tends to foot the bill for the pricier gifts at Christmas and birthdays, which again helps us out a lot at what is a really expensive time, so we are very lucky in that sense. We would manage without these things but we would have to make cutbacks.

I do feel for those in the thick of raising young kids who are doing it with zero support whatsoever, it must be really tough.