To think it’s very hard to live in the uk without inheritance or family money?

[Lifesucksthenyoudie]

Just that really. Social mobility seems almost impossible at the moment without a head start. I earn a decent salary (Dh doesn’t but that’s another post) but my standard of living is so much worse than my parents and my mother didn’t work until we were in secondary school and even then part time for peanuts. Nursery fees and mortgage alone wipe us out. I haven’t inherited any money (large family, no chance) and feel a bit stuck. Not after sympathy just interested to see if others feel a bit trapped. Why is our society geared up this way?

It's easier if you come from money. Social mobility does exist but it can rely on a fair bit of luck as well as choosing the "right" (and I mean that solely in terms of earning potential) career.

I come from a poor background but I had some dumb luck in my career (financial services), married a very hard working guy who has climbed the ladder rapidly and we now have the big house, kids in private school type life.

It can be done but I'll be the first to admit luck came into it as much as hard work (and I appreciate there are people out there who have much less than me and graft bloody hard) Even with the house, we're still more asset rich than cash rich, we drive modest cars and take modest holidays in comparison to some of the other families at the school driving their Lotuses and swanning off to the Maldives for 3 week over Christmas!

I don’t agree, we haven’t had family money or inheritance and we are doing fine. DH and I have both worked hard in our careers for promotions and op and have a decent income, we can afford our mortgage, nursery fees and bills comfortably and have decent disposable income. We made our own opportunities instead of relying on family money.

I disagree with you, no family money or inheritance here and we have both known financial struggles. A combination of hard work, some sacrifices, sound financial plans, working as a team and we are in a brilliant position. We will retire comfortably by mid 50’s. 2 children and no help received either financially or practically from anyone.
We have successfully managed to change our lives, our daughters will now be in a position where family money gives them a head start, although it won’t be handed to them on a plate.
My 15 year old is already working (weekend and school holidays) and has a fantastic work ethic so expect she will mostly do it in her own as we did.

I think people now have more expectations. When I was a child we lived in a 4 in a block flat (so had a garden etc rather than a block of flats), one car, holidays in the U.K. My mum worked part time when I went to school and my gran would look after us when she wasn’t around. Now people seem to want their forever home at a young age, multiple expensive cars, foreign holidays, plus (as in my case) parents are often still working when we have our own kids so we need more childcare.

We don’t have family money or inheritance and are now doing OK, I am in a professional role and my kids are teenagers so no childcare needed, but we’ve always had a modest house. It was hard when the kids were small.

Most people aren’t borrowing more than £200k. Thats a long way off the average house price, never mind the price of better houses. People I know have had to stretch to even get their first home, and that’s probably the best they’ll ever afford. If they earn more as they get older it’ll have to be spent on increased living costs such as childcare and raising kids - not on a bigger house.

'Enabled one parent not to work' is interesting. My mum was gagging to go back to work and every single mum I knew growing up as a teen in the 1970s worked at least part time. In some cases, their wages were essential. People knew what they'd come from and that there were better things to be had than cold houses and shared space.
It's very difficult now to live outside a city without some of the things you mention. WiFi essential because of the way our society runs, a car because public transport is so sparse and so on. What were unimaginable luxuries have become essentials.

Our family income is over £200 k. We have always lived in a flat. We don't have a car ( London so easier). Zero help with childcare as both parents abroad. We saved all of it for a rainy day and for the DC,and now the rainy days are here.

It's not all luck, sorry.

It's shocking. I'm a boomer so even though I was a single mum I had a good job and was able to buy a home for me and DS.
He's now 40 and has been saving for 30 years for a deposit for a new home and has had to move to Wales to afford it, luckily his job is 100% work from home.
I've decided to forgoe my upcoming inheritance and just pass it straight to him otherwise he'll be very skint for years with the mortgage.
It leaves me having a bit of a belt tightening retirement but I just don't want him to live on beans on toast for years and this way he can buy a bigger house.
I have at least another 20 years to live so he'll inherit my house as well when the time comes.
He and Dil are not having any children because they simply cannot afford to. They like animals more than children anyway and have lots of cousins so I don't think it matters.

Social mobility is declining. I think it nust be very hard starting out at 18 with no family backing. Not necessarily inheritance as that often wouldnt come until your 50s anyway.

But even small things help so much. We paid for our son to do a qualification which has given him a better than average saturday job, which means he is likely to get a car as he has saved, which opens up the job market more, plus we can house him whilst he save for his next stage.

I disagree OP. I think people's expectations are too high.

As for your ancestors "higher living standards" - you have really got to be joking!

My parents certainly never dreamt of owning property when they were growing up! You may as well have dreamed of going to the moon!

Foreign travel was another totally elite thing, not for the likes of us working class, simply the cost was exorbitant.

It's very, very, area dependant.
Up here, you can buy a 4 bed detached, drive (garage if not converted) in catchment for good and outstanding schools for 200k.
That is totally achievable on 2 average salaries as a family (not starter) home.

I think nursery years are tough whatever your salary. Obviously the more you earn, the more likelihood there is to cut back. But nursery fees are a massive chunk of extra money to fund each month for everyone.

Why are these other people you talk of so different to me then? If we can manage to increase our income and afford a bigger house, why can’t anyone else? I’m not trying to be facetious, just trying to understand why we would be in such a different position to apparently ‘everyone else’.

Surely this is expectations around social mobility?
Sounds like you'd be in a better position if your husband earned more so actually that is the issue exacerbated by the uk financial problems.

Why would you even factor in an inheritance? It's not an absolute given for many people and even so, not until much later in life, long after you'd want to settle down in your own house.

Additionally, as a couple we are int he "middle squeeze" bracket that gets talked about. We have not inherited or set to inherit anything.
We don't feel trapped.

No it's not. Millions of people do it. It's not a bed of roses but it's fine.

I think it depends a lot on where you live.

DH and I have neither of those things and are doing well enough financially. It would be a great deal tighter if we were attempting it in a more expensive part of the country, not least because we've also had childcare help from family.

No family money or inheritance here.

I'm mortgage free and own my house. My DS bought his house last year at 24 with no help.

I'm single. DS has a partner who also has no family money or inheritance.

No big fancy careers either.

@Saramia that's total nonsense!

But Sususudio I consider you and I to be very fortunate/lucky that we live in a country which for all its faults - has an infrastructure and social welfare system/education system which enables access to high income employment opportunities - I’m sure you will agree 👍☘️

One of the great satisfactions of my life has been achieving what I have without any inheritance or hand up from family.

I'm proud and content with the life I've made for myself (not much, but it's my own and I'm happy with it) and it is all of my own making with a dollop of good luck thrown in.

It must be a hollow victory to look back on your life and think well, I have all this, but I couldn't have done it on my own. We could all own Chatsworth House if it had been handed us on a plate, but if you by the sweat of your brow own a two bed terrace then that's achievement.

This used to be a London thing but it shocks me now that people are saying this about the uk as a whole.

We bought a 1930s flat (residents own the freehold) in london in our 20s though we lived with family to do so though to be fair his father did the same in the 80s (lived with family until he married and bought a flat).

What is different is that the previous generation were all homeowners by their 30s (some help but mostly them) but for our generation it's just us (we work in financial services) and a cousin who works in IT and also inherited. Another cousin was on the housing ladder briefly when he married a lady whose parents gifted them a deposit but lost the house when they divorced.

Individuals may do better but overall in UK average families are getting poorer.

Personally, I have not used social welfare or education for myself, so... Barely used the NHS. I was well employed before I arrived here. Or I would not have come.

I am also pleased that I have done it without any help from parents. I hope my DC can do the same.

Two issues;

1 The cost of housing is vastly higher vs incomes today. This means you will probably be able to afford a lower quality of housing that your parents. Depending on where you live this will be more/less extreme.

2 Childcare being so obscenely expensive.

I know plenty of people paying £3-4k a month for housing and another £3-4k a month for childcare. They have high paying jobs but feel absolutely skint.

I'm 48, expectation was I'd get a job and leave school at 16.

I have always worked and have an average income. My ex also left school at 16 and probably had a slightly above average income. We saved and managed to get in the property ladder relatively young.

I need to add we had no childcare. I had zero maternity leave. I worked weekends and evenings to make ends meet. In hindsight this probably contributed to our marriage issues.

We divorced I was able to purchase a house with a mortgage. Not in my desired area, this was astatine I needed to make to remain a home owner.

I am now mortgage free. But it's been hard work and sacrifices have been made to be in this position.

I will inherit from my dad, if funds are not used for a care home etc. This may put me in a position where I can help my DC with a deposit in the future.