Portion size and DH - crumb of perspective needed

[BakedPotato10]

Name changed

My Husband's done all the cooking today as I'm working on a project - not unusual, we share the life stuff depending who is free.

He made me sourdough and egg this morning for breakfast, around 500 calories I'd say. I've not eaten since and then he made this for dinner at 5ish.
For context, I used to have a physically active job and so have gained weight since being desk based. Peri menopause and increased stress have further cemented bad habits but I am actively working on better routines.

I had a 'feast or famine' childhood with periods of food shortage and food not always equally shared (not abusive, just not positive relationships with food) and so I'm very open to the possibility I'm projecting as I know I struggle with food shortages and dislike greed - maybe I just haven't noticed it in myself until now? But I am also conscious that I don't want further food issues, I eat a lot of fruit and veg and value a good relationship with food. Lately it's feeling quite stressful when I'm with DH.

I do feel that DH portions and attitude to food (increasingly smaller portions, usually only ever 2 meals a day at weekend, referring to food as 'naughty' etc) have only begun since I put on weight. But I'm aware my appetite might just have crept right up and I'm the one who's changed, not him. I feel like I'm being dieted and it's triggering food issues. So I'd like a little perspective please.

YABU - That's plenty of food for a day. Sourdough and egg, jacket potato with chickpea in mayo (a veggie version of tuna mayo) with salad

YANBU - That's not much food for a day.

I simply don’t get fhe folks saying it wouldn’t be enough for me. She’s not in a restaurant. It’s her own home and she’s perfectly capable of having got herself lunch, snacks or more food. I simply can’t fathom the concept of my partner is cooking so if this is all he gave me I now need to go hungry. She’s not a small child/

I wouldn't even call this "cooking" "dinner"

It's rustling up some lunch!

If my partner says he is cooking dinner I assume it's the normal type of thing we have for dinner and only deviations are if we have been out for lunch.

But always discussed -chicken rice and sauce or lazy fish fingers and wedges.

This struck a chord actually. I'm a feeder, it's definitely my love language. Got a cold? I'll make soup. Feeling down? I'll make your favourite meal. Busy? I'll make sure you're not hungry or thirsty. Heartbroken? Let's eat ice cream and put the world to rights etc.
Whereas to him, he served a meal he knows I like and thought no more of it.

We often have a jacket potato at lunch for our main meal-is that unusual?

Probably with tuna, salad & coleslaw.

Why are people on this thread convinced it's low on protein? Chickpeas are 19g protein per 100g and half a tin is 200g, so 38g protein.

The average chicken breast has 39g protein going on a weight of 145g for a breast.

Plus the mayo would have protein in (as would almost everything else, it's in everything in varying amounts)

I've already posted that I don't think that's a good evening meal that the OP was served, but I wish people would stop banging on about lack of protein because it's got no less protein than the average meat eaters meal.

My concern about it is that it is very low in calories for an evening meal and so it wouldn't be enough to fill me up.

Having a disappointing small dinner and then a bowl of cereal or some toast is not the same as having a nice, enjoyable, decent dinner. I don't really get why people can't understand that.

@Attryn, I didn't think it looked like half a tin of beans! If it was, protein requirement OK. Volume, calories, veg/fruit ... not.

Not at all but MN seems to have very fixed ideas about what type and amount of food can be eaten at certain times of day.

Yes, and a PP said ‘I’d be happy with that on a weekday but not on a Sunday’ which also confused me… what does it matter what day of the week it is when it’s eaten? It’s not like you need more calories on a Sunday!

So you whole family eats under 1000 calories a day? As those meals, would be 1000 max probably more likely to be around 900. She says she had no snacks. Don't promote under eating, especially to someone who has admitted she has a poor relationship with food.

I can put away 3k calories with ease tbf. ADHD sugar craving and heavy weights in the gym spike my appetite insanely. Full cheesecake after a meal is no problem. 😂

Thank you 🙏
I have noticed that the vast majority of comments saying this is plenty or too much food are also women saying they are overweight or obese. I'm not meaning to sound judgmental but it feels like projection and learned 'I'm overweight but I don't overeat' narratives.
This is what I'm trying to avoid. I am over weight but I don't want to resort to Ben & Jerry's and snickers to be full so I can undereat to avoid looking greedy. I need to address the issue, understand if my portions are off and, if not, ensure I don't feel 'fat shamed' into smaller portions and then eat crap because I'm hungry.

As someone who undereats as a part of an ED, that is not dinner. That is lunch. I have at least held on to what is actually considered normal, even if it is not a normal I can live with.

I would say that yes you are being "dieted" and the person in your family with food issues is your OH.

@BakedPotato10 what I've learned on mumsnet is there is an abundance of competitive undereaters on here, and of course they would say those 2 meals "would be more than plenty"

It doesn't matter if you are normal, overweight or obese, we all need adequate calories and nutrition to have a balanced , healthy diet. It's better to fill those calories with healthier choices though.

You are certainly not being greedy by wanting to eat something else, and I hope your husband doesnt make you feel that way!

MN posters tend to have very rigid ideas about what they perceive as "norms", and get very alarmist when those norms are deviated from. This is particularly the case around food. The screeds of calorie-counting posts are exhausting.

That's enough food for you if it fills you up. If you're still hungry, you need to eat some more. Neither of those things should be a value judgment.

OP says she thinks her husband snacked all day, so of course that'd be enough for him. Whereas she skipped lunch and didn't snack, so of course it's not enough for her.