Portion size and DH - crumb of perspective needed

[BakedPotato10]

Name changed

My Husband's done all the cooking today as I'm working on a project - not unusual, we share the life stuff depending who is free.

He made me sourdough and egg this morning for breakfast, around 500 calories I'd say. I've not eaten since and then he made this for dinner at 5ish.
For context, I used to have a physically active job and so have gained weight since being desk based. Peri menopause and increased stress have further cemented bad habits but I am actively working on better routines.

I had a 'feast or famine' childhood with periods of food shortage and food not always equally shared (not abusive, just not positive relationships with food) and so I'm very open to the possibility I'm projecting as I know I struggle with food shortages and dislike greed - maybe I just haven't noticed it in myself until now? But I am also conscious that I don't want further food issues, I eat a lot of fruit and veg and value a good relationship with food. Lately it's feeling quite stressful when I'm with DH.

I do feel that DH portions and attitude to food (increasingly smaller portions, usually only ever 2 meals a day at weekend, referring to food as 'naughty' etc) have only begun since I put on weight. But I'm aware my appetite might just have crept right up and I'm the one who's changed, not him. I feel like I'm being dieted and it's triggering food issues. So I'd like a little perspective please.

YABU - That's plenty of food for a day. Sourdough and egg, jacket potato with chickpea in mayo (a veggie version of tuna mayo) with salad

YANBU - That's not much food for a day.

That looks like a perfectly normal evening meal to me.

Why didn't you have lunch though? Or make yourself a snack now if you're still hungry?

Your DH did all the cooking today??
I wish my DH would do all the cooking... any cooking really - he NEVER cooks (totally misses pint of post) 😂

The photo is chickpeas in mayo on a jacket potato. It says so in the OP.

There's an age gap of 10 years between DH and I - he's the older one. And his appetite has massively reduced in the last 10 years, I could serve his meals onto a tiny side plate. So that plate looks just right for him - he would only eat half a small baked potato. I eat much larger portions but my diet is mainly veg with a serving of protein (low carb due to diabetes).

It looks nice! Hard to judge portion size. I think it would be enough for some people, or some days, but not others. I think provided he would not make negative comments if you got yourself something else around lunchtime, or after this meal, then there isn't really a problem.

It looks delicious, but also lacking. It’s a light lunch type portion, rather than a ‘proper’ meal. If breakfast was also light then YANBU. If you’d had a substantial brunch - 2-3 eggs, sourdough, mushrooms, tomatoes, halloumi - then that would count as the ‘proper’ meal, I guess,

Has he changed his eating habits? Or has he always been a small portions eater? Did he have lunch too?

I don't think that's enough food. But I also this more about his decision to put you on a diet. It's particularly gross as women do gain weight in menopause. While we might want to fight it if poss it is a biological phenomenon to do with our sex. So I'd be feeling awful if my DH didn't understand what I was experiencing and did this to me without my consent. Just horrible.

You are blaming your DH for your diet?

If you are still hungry just go to the kitchen and get something else to eat?

As soon as you described the meal in calories you were being unreasonable.

He's not responsible for your diet, you are
Act like the autonomous adult you are and get a snack if you're hungry

Did you say before he prepared it that you were quite hungry?

OH does almost all our cooking and some days seem like diet days. I'm free to say I'd like something else or make something myself. However I do get lots of tea and biscuits/cake and toast made for me dirong the day so I'm not starving plus theres always fruit available.

You can't expect him to read your mind.

I would've said, 'Can you put a bit extra on as I didn't eat lunch'.

I always have 3 meals a day but I’d be happy with a jacket with filling & salad but if I didn’t have lunch it wouldn’t be enough. For most people (real world people!) they’d find that portion small for a main dinner, lunch maybe. I have a pancreas disease which means I can’t eat 3 big meals a day without extra pain hence I’d find the portion size ok

I'd be happy with that on a weekday but I'd be a little bit disappointed if that was my main meal on a Sunday!

I'll only accept a jacket for an evening meal with beans and cheese. Salad doesn't count; it's basically water.

On a weekend I have yoghurt/fruit/linseed mix for breakfast, soup and roll for lunch then a proper meal in the evening (e.g. tonight was filled mushroom pasta and 2 veggie sausages).

He made you breakfast and dinner! If you were starving you could have got your own lunch or a snack or after dinner had a bowl of soup some crackers etc as a supper.

It sounds very ungrateful. If this was a man posting he would be told rightly if he was still hungry he knew where the kitchen was.

Yeah that's not a Sunday dinner.

That's lunch!

It's maybe a weekday evening meal if rushing out to something in the evening.

Thank you ladies, that was the perspective I needed 😂

So in all likeliness it went more like this... I was busy working, he grazed on various things, then made a perfectly adequate dinner but by that time I was overly hungry.

He isn't a controlling person, but he's a very healthy person who values good health and fitness. Possibly why I am very sensitive to the perceived dieting me. And by the feedback, very much me projecting. I think it might also be he is more of a grazer whereas I am a meal time, generally no snacks, sort.

I'm glad I asked before complaining. I do appreciate you giving my head a wobble.

Ps, I'm not a lazy bum I promise, he hasn't done anything today cooking wise that I don't do when he has a deadline. We do slide it between us.

God just get yourself some food if what he gave you isn't sufficient. You're an adult. Sorry but if your childhood is still bothering you then get CBT/counselling and move past it. You deserve it.

I'd eat that for lunch. But I'd want a proper dinner too.
Egg on sourdough and that meal wouldn't be enough for me in a day.

Why not just go to the kitchen and get yourself more to eat.

You mention perimenopause, WFH, gained weight, bad habits, etc., so are you moaning to your husband about your weight, so he's then helping you to reduce intake by preparing smaller meals, and now you're complaining?

Why don’t you just TALK to each other?? Say dh I’m really hungry, can you make sure dinner is substantial?

Or he could say, how hungry are you? Want a huge potato or a small one?

Like??? You live together, surely one of you is capable of conversation?

Doesn't sound like a lot of food for one day. Tbh I'd be really hungry if that's all I ate

The dinner is a jacket potato with chickpeas

500 Cals for 2x sourdough and toast is realistic

Bread x2 300
Eggs x2 150
Butter x2 50 at least!