To think that he should pay more rent?

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Hi all, my partner and I are planning to move in together soon. (Currently living at my parents together until we've found somewhere) Currently I pay rent to my parents so he Is effectively living rent free whilst he sorts out his finances. I'm okay with this for now. What I'm concerned about is that he has 3 children so obviously we would need to find a 2 or even 3 bedroom house so that they can stay as both him and his ex wife want it to be 50/50 custody.
I'm more than happy for this to be the case but don't feel that it's fair that we split the rent equally between us. If he didn't have children we would be looking at getting a 1 bedroom flat and it would cost 300 less a month.

He earns 10k a year more than I do but has a lot more financial commitments than me. Child maintenance (private arrangement and not through cms) being the biggest chunk leaving his account every month. (Ex wife unwilling for this to be reduced even when children are with us 50/50 which I guess is another issue)

I don't have children so I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable in my thinking and want some opinions please.

What working hours does he do? The fact that he is happy to leech off your parents is a bad indicator.

Have you actually seen his bank account ? Or is he just telling you she expects 50/50 and maintenance.

He sounds like an awful prospect as a partner and I bet you end up being chief cook and bottle washer.

In all honesty I wouldn't move in with him just yet. Let him rent somewhere by himself and sort out the 50/50 contact etc and revisit in 6 months time

You should be running for the fucking hills. Why are you willingly burdening your life with this freeloaders baggage?

Don't do it.

We both work normal 9-5 hours. I disagree with your assumptions about him but totally get how you would come to those conclusions from my post.
We've had conversations with her together so yes that is what she expects

Would you say that to a guy who met a single mother??

honestly, this place...

He should rent somewhere that us appropriate to his needs including his kids. Then you can make the decision whether or not you want to move in and contribute (not half!) To the rent.

I'd also read a few of the Aibu/step mum threads if I were you.

I certainly would. Anyone who has no issue freeloading off their partners parents isn't someone you want to be in a relationship with.

So he is currently cock lodging at your parents.
Where is all his money going at the moment?
You would be absolutely nuts to tie yourself financially to this waste of space.
You will never have a penny.
Stay with your parents for now, save and buy your own place.
Don't pin your star to a cocklodger with 3 kids.

Obviosly you dont pay 50.50. Should he expect to pay half, he can do one
If the XW expects him to lodge & feed dc 50% of the time she will have to accept he reduces his payments

But seriously, this is an accident waiting to happen.

Ooo it's a tough one! Have you sorted how you would split bills? Obviously him + 3 DC will eat lots, use more energy etc - how will that be split?

Tbh I'd be a bit unsure about him paying maintenance and also doing 50/50 care of his DC, especially if that means you may need to sub him.

His money is being spent on child maintenance , debts that him and ex wife got into and also into our joint savings account. He isn't a big spender and doesn't really spend money on himself other than his gym membership and food.

This honestly sounds like not a good starting point to move in. He earns more than you but wants to split rent equally. How will other bills be split? Given that you will be feeding his children 50% of the time and the extras that come with having them there, so extra on the bills? Have you also discussed the extra workload, how will housework be split, what about things specifically for the children?

I think it needs a lot of conversation before moving in with a man with children when he has them 50% of the time.

And for your original question, I agree. If you pay half of what you would be paying on a 1 bed and he needs to cover the rest. But this sounds like it needs a larger conversation around all of the finances and also workload generally that comes from having dependents in the house.

And if he cant afford the privately agreed amount, he needs to go through cms or get something reasonable in place surely.

And also why isnt he paying half the rent to your parents at least? Surely if he cant afford half of this, he isnt going to be able to afford half of a 3 bed house?

You're setting yourself up for a life of domestic exploitation and financial servitude

They saw you coming. Sorry.

Absolutely this.

OP, I strongly, strongly second this. Let him get set up on his own first so you aren't financially tied to him if it doesn't work out.

He is already strapped.
You will end up subbing him/his dc.
Plus end up caring fir his dc. How old are they?
You wont be RP. How old are they? You will have no say in any difficult ado situation X3.
You dont have dc?
You have NO idea

You could give me a million pounds and i wouldn't live with three children who weren't mine.

OP, you are walking into this with your eyes wide open.
He is a cocklodger.
His outgoings will not reduce, they will increase if you move in together.
If he has the kids 50/50 he won't have to give maintenance to his ex. Why would she expect maintenance? That needs to be sorted out.
He has 3 kids, 3! Their financial needs will increase as they grow.
What about your future wants and needs? How old are you? Do you want your own kids in the future?
Is he still legally married or divorced?
If divorced there must have been a financial settlement?

If the custody becomes 50-50, why would he continue to pay his ex anything at all, much less the current amount? I really don't understand this.

But as others have said - what you've described is a recipe for disaster in terms of an ongoing relationship.

How long does he need to ‘sort out his finances?’

It doesn’t sound like a good prospect for you whatsoever.

Why doesn’t he get his own place and you stay where you are for the moment and see how it works out with the children 50:50 and paying off his debts etc?

It sounds like he needs you however so he is unlikely to do that. You need to think of yourself.

If he's still paying off debts from the marriage, how long have they been apart? How long have you been together and where did he live before your parents? Is there any chance you'll have dc together? Why does his ex expect maintenance if they're going to be 50:50 custody?

Lots of questions but from what you've said so far, it seems like a bad deal for you (and your parents). What do you get other than paying for him and his kids?

This!