To think that he should pay more rent?

[FairPlayer]

Hi all, my partner and I are planning to move in together soon. (Currently living at my parents together until we've found somewhere) Currently I pay rent to my parents so he Is effectively living rent free whilst he sorts out his finances. I'm okay with this for now. What I'm concerned about is that he has 3 children so obviously we would need to find a 2 or even 3 bedroom house so that they can stay as both him and his ex wife want it to be 50/50 custody.
I'm more than happy for this to be the case but don't feel that it's fair that we split the rent equally between us. If he didn't have children we would be looking at getting a 1 bedroom flat and it would cost 300 less a month.

He earns 10k a year more than I do but has a lot more financial commitments than me. Child maintenance (private arrangement and not through cms) being the biggest chunk leaving his account every month. (Ex wife unwilling for this to be reduced even when children are with us 50/50 which I guess is another issue)

I don't have children so I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable in my thinking and want some opinions please.

Sounds like you'd essentially be subsidizing his ex. Run.

Also, it's much too early for a joint savings account.

what the heck is in this for you? I'm sure you could find a less encumbered man. Go to the step-parent site in Mumsnet and have a read about how shit life can be as a stepparent, even - or maybe especially - an unmarried one. Really, OP. This sounds like a huge mistake.

Can he afford to cover his and his children's costs in a house? Is he adding more to the savings than it will cost?

I'm shuddering at the idea of my DD meeting a bloke with three children and expecting him to live here with me and DH rent free whilst he sorts his finances out.

What kind of baby is he? If he's old enough to have fathered three children, then he's old enough to support himself like a big boy. Living with someone else's Mummy and Daddy has given me the serious, serious ick.

Succinctly put 😂
Don’t do it @FairPlayer - you will regret it!

You beat me to it with an age gap.

Good grief op, he saw you coming.

Also, why are you letting him leech off your parents aswell as yourself??

And? That's all most people can afford to spend money on. Seriously. If he's sorted himself out in 6 months to a year consider it then

Lots of things. Generally speaking no maintenance is payable if parenting is 50/50. Secondly, I would recommend you sit down and share all the info. Incomings, outgoings and do the maths. Finances can be hard and quite triggering but it needs to be done if you're taking your relationship to the moving in stage. I personally think it's totally off side for him to be living at your parents and making no financial contribution. That doesn't bode well in my opinion

How old are you both ? How long have you been together ?
In your situation I’d stay living with my parents while saving up for a deposit for my own place. Keep dating your boyfriend but do not move in with him. You’ll become his housemaid and nanny to his three children. Life is hard enough when you’re looking after your own children and your husband doesn’t have children with another woman. Think very carefully before throwing your best years away. If you want your own children, can he afford more than the three he already has?

You haven't even got off the starting blocks and he is telling you he wants you to pay half despite him earning 10k more and him taking more - needing extra bedrooms.

Please read some of the step-parent threads on here. The aggro over how bills are being split when the family go out to eat or to activities/the shopping being split/the childcare when your partner is at work - even when you have plans of your own.

You need to know what you are getting into and do it with your eyes wide open. Consider if you are happy to be a family with family money even though you know this will make you (and in future your own kids) considerably less well off. If you aren't happy with this then think again.

If you aren't happy to take care of his kids then make sure he shows you the plan of how he can care for them/find and pay for childcare/do school runs etc while having them 50% of the time.

Work it all out as far as you can before you move in together. If you can't work it out don't move in. The idea of him renting a place of his own so that you can go back to your parents if it doesn't work out sounds sensible to me.

Generally, you don’t pay maintenance if you have a 50/50 arrangement. I assume he’s aware of this?

Have you come to your senses now - that this is a very bad relationship for you?

I know not quite the point of the thread but if he and his ex are doing 50/50 custody why is he paying her maintenance?

The only times I've known significant maintenance being paid on 50/50 is via private agreement following the wife finding out about an affair and throwing him out ( 2 different couples) he agreed out of guilt. I also wonder if the 50/50 is more about ensuring he doesn't get all his time free for fun and games.

So how long after he separated from his wife did you 2 get together?

Please, please read the writing on the wall. It's written in 10 foot high letters and it says, 'RUN FOR THE HILLS.'

So effectively he wants you to subside his kids? And you aren’t running for this hills? Why the fuck not? This has disaster written all over it.

He has no respect for you and your parents, so I think it’s time to kick him out and withdraw from the joint savings the money you’ve added.

If he can’t afford to pay rent at your parents - he can’t afford a privately rented house:

what would he be doing if he was single? It sounds like you are facilitating him and his ex wife achieve their goal of 50-50 custody. You subsidise housing and living costs, keep his bills down and she gets incessantly h chi old maintenance.

run.

Has he said to you what percentage of the rent he expects you to pay?

Cue the 'sick of my step kids' posts soon...

So your parents have let this man and his 3 children move into their home?
or does he not actually have his kids yet because he doesn’t have anywhere for them to stay?

"Hi all, my partner and I are planning to move in together soon. (Currently living at my parents together until we've found somewhere) Currently I pay rent to my parents so he Is effectively living rent free whilst he sorts out his finances."

Before he moved in to your parents' house, where was he living? ANd what do you mean by 'sort out his finances'?

Men like this are rarely single. They are intensely pragmatic and will seek out women who they can sponge off.

So he is bringing debt, 3 dc and a demanding ex into the relationship.

What is that phrase I have read on mn before, about a homeless man falling in love quickly?
He needs to provide a stable situation for his dc first, before anything else.
And he absolutely should not be looking at you to prop him up or pay his living expenses or finance this.
Sorry @FairPlayer you sound too nice. Let him stand on his own two feet. You cannot rescue this situation. Or solve it. Or be Dad's girlfriend who houses 3 dc.
You stay put, he needs to leave.