To think that he should pay more rent?

[FairPlayer]

Hi all, my partner and I are planning to move in together soon. (Currently living at my parents together until we've found somewhere) Currently I pay rent to my parents so he Is effectively living rent free whilst he sorts out his finances. I'm okay with this for now. What I'm concerned about is that he has 3 children so obviously we would need to find a 2 or even 3 bedroom house so that they can stay as both him and his ex wife want it to be 50/50 custody.
I'm more than happy for this to be the case but don't feel that it's fair that we split the rent equally between us. If he didn't have children we would be looking at getting a 1 bedroom flat and it would cost 300 less a month.

He earns 10k a year more than I do but has a lot more financial commitments than me. Child maintenance (private arrangement and not through cms) being the biggest chunk leaving his account every month. (Ex wife unwilling for this to be reduced even when children are with us 50/50 which I guess is another issue)

I don't have children so I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable in my thinking and want some opinions please.

OP who will be looking after the kids while he works?
Who will do school runs, doctors visits, homework, washing ironing?
Oh wait.....

Nope. Absolutely do not move in with him.

I'd put £50 on you hugely regretting it.

Read back your posts.

Why would you do it to yourself?

You may be happy to do this now but as soon as you have your own key ds you'll resent not being able to give them the life you would want them to have because you're financing someone else's 3 kids. Spend some time looking through the step parent board, this future awaits you.

Stop forcing him on your parents. He needs to rent separately to you for Abit. Huge red flags im afraid op on this.

I cannot believe your parents are accommodating this arrangement?

If either of my DD's ever come home and tell me they are seeing a father of 3 children, who cannot afford to rent a place, the last thing I'd do would be to invite the leech to move in.

Do you want children with him? Do you want to get married? Can he afford a wedding and more children?

Yes

Er a big “Fuck No” to all of this. Kick him out OP, get some self respect and a new partner without all this baggage. The debt problem ran up between him and his ex is a major no for you to have to accommodate.

I'm horrified that your parents are actually accommodating this disaster. WTAF. They are doing you such a massive disservice.

So currently - living rent free .

paying debt him and ex drew up .

paying large amount of maintenance .

when does he see his Dc now ?

I am assuming he hasn’t established a single parent relationship with his Dc .

where was he till he moved in with your parents ?

I am guessing not long separated .

This man is not yet available to be able to be financially or emotionally tied to .

Living rent free at your parent's house? Well that's quite the cushy little number isn't it?

I would also be very wary- I fear the expectation will be that you do all the running around for the DCs on the days they are with you.

And in answer to your question absolutely no way should you be paying halves. His past debts and his children are his financial responsibility regardless of how much each of you earn. He should be absolutely paying for their living costs, taking on any additional domestic chores/ washing, cooking, housework that need doing while they are with you ( and his fair share when they are not.)

Oh and it doesn't matter if the ex still insists on the same level of CM if they go 50:50. He stops the payments and she can see how far she gets claiming CMS! She wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Really sorry op, but i think this too. Moving in with this man - and his kids - is a seriously bad idea.

Has he suggested it's 50/50 rent? I can't get my head around a grown working age man not giving your parents a penny! Does he bring 3 kids to their house for half the week as well?

Also - think this through - he has alot of baggage and financial shit going on. Take feelings aside - he had waaaaaay more to gain from moving in with you than you do. Blended families rarely work and you and any future kids will always play second fiddle.

Another one to ask where was he immediately before moving in with you?
How long were you with him before he moved in?

Am cringeing at a grown working father of 3 who finds himself living for free at the expense of his latest girlfriend's parents - sorry-forgot that you pay them.. But he doesn't pay them a penny.
Shameless 😳

You are subsidising him. Stop.
He can move out into his own place.
Still date if you want. But you will be paying as he can't afford it.
He needs to sort out his own financial mess. Not you.

How old is he? Because a grown up adult man living rent free at his GF's parents' house while his 3 children are at his ex-wife's place, paying nothing... No.

How old are you? Do you want children? Do you want marriage and commitment and to come first for someone? Do you want a happy, stress-free love life?

I'm assuming he is older. Tale as old as time.

@FairPlayer , where did he live before he moved in to your parent's house for free?

The reason I asked the above question @FairPlayer is because from what you say , there is no indication that he knows how to handle his personal finances. And if you move in with him permanently you'll suffer for this. Plus , if you want kids of your own how will he ever contribute fairly to their financial upbringing if he's struggling whilst paying no rent.

Do you have quite low self esteem OP? I ask because you’re worth much more than he can give you. I suspect you know this. Building a future with a man with 3 kids already and debts is not something you want falling to you to sort out. It’s a red flag. Read these response posts and know the way forward.

I agree that he needs to rent somewhere for himself and the DC first so that he knows that he can afford it on his own if you broke up. He needs a 3-4 bed house. It is really important from his point of view that he can manage the property on his own, for stability for the DC.

once he is established, then you can discuss what would be fair for you to pay for rent wise and utilities etc if they are there half the time. Some people are happy to "take on" a family and pay 50%, others prefer to do it differently. He should really pay for more of the food shop, or pay the weeks that they are there and you pay when its just the 2 of you.

He should not be paying the same maintenance to his ex if they are 50/50. Him and his ex need to sit down and look at costs and pay half each of all DC costs.

It's always hard in situations like this but you both need to protect yourselves and be very clear on who is paying for what.

Omg, op, do yourself a favour.

I get your parents not charging him rent that make it a permanent and proper arrangement
currently they are doing him a favour which they can withdraw at anytime
to sums it up that it would cost you £300 more for a bigger place that £150 each
id offer to pay £75 off the £300 extra he pays for kids food and a bit more in gas and electric

Move into your own place without him. This is completely lopsided and will never improve.

this. this. this.