To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

You sound very overbearing.

I cannot imagine kicking up a fuss about lack of wedding invitation for a grown women with her own family.

You have massively embarrassed yourself and your aggressive determination over this has probably caused much chatter.

I would retreat and be quiet going forward.

The younger two aren’t going to stay home because OP wants them to - they’re already pissed off with her prioritising the eldest. She’ll be sitting this one out alone, to everyone’s relief in all likelihood.

Be a bit of a silly point since all the “kids” are adults, 28, 20, 19. The oldest doesn’t live there from the read of things and has her own children.

The younger two are old enough to decide if they want to go or not whether OP chooses to or not.

After this entitled outburst, I’d be surprised if every member of OH’s side of the family ever asked you to any event ever again.

Fucking hell, if I was the nephew I'd be seriously considering uninviting you OP.

No-one has a god-given right to an invite, ffs.

personally I would just send hubby and stay home with all your 3 kids to make a point.

You need to read OP’s other thread which has been linked, her younger children are already angry with her for limiting their relationship with their dad’s side of the family when they were growing up because of the eldest. The younger 2 are also adults so OP doesn’t get a say on whether they go or not.

I think you're getting a slightly hard time here. Ever so slightly.

I'm not surprised you're upset that he's excluded your eldest on the basis that she isn't a blood relative. That's shitty of him.

But to go through your husband's phone to grab your nephew's neighbour and ring him up twice for a barney... Yeah, I'm not surprised they're all pissed off. Short-sighted of you and just a bit embarrassing all-round.

Just don't go to the wedding. If you're still invited, that is.

OP YABU. Very unreasonable. He doesn't want your daughter, his non blood relation, at his wedding. She's not his proper family. He has invited his cousins, which she is not one of. Don't blame other people because you chose to blend your family.

There was a post similar to this the other week. Difference being the children involved were small children who wouldn't understand why they were excluded. Nor would they understand the politics of weddings, the expense or the limits on seating. All of which you'd expect a 28 year old to understand. I understand fully being annoyed on your dd behalf but yabu to have phoned multiple times and gone about things the way you have. You could have politely declined or gone about things in a more civil way.

Nope. They are FAMILY.

If I was your eldest daughter I would cringe myself inside out with shame if my mum did this on my behalf.

Who are you, the fucking pendant police? JFC! Calm down, luv.

I'm guessing every single person who has said YABU would also treat a stepchild as less than worthy because "blood". I always think people who claim "blood is thicker than water" are just complete twats.

Having read your previous threads, I think you wanted to use this wedding, as I will show all the in-laws that we are family and I was always right to ban my younger children from seeing in-laws.

You really show yourself in the foot and are just showing that the in-laws thoughts about keeping your younger children away from them is completely valid.

OP this is going to damage your relationship with your younger children even more, my kids would be mortified if I did something so rude and stupid.

Why would they want your daughter there? They aren't blood related, didn't grow up together, have no connection. If they did, she'd be invited. Seriously, as others have said here, you sound completely unhinged. Focus on being a mother, put down your phone, and get over it.

No of course not. But if an adult nephew didn't invited adult SD to his wedding I wouldn't kick off and piss the whole family off demanding invites for her plus her kids.

OP doesn’t understand the concept of an invitation. Just deal with it and accept gracefully or politely decline if it bothers you that much.

You are behaving bonkers.

Sadly some people show different sides of themselves when it comes to weddings.
I would have very little to do with them now. Life is too short to feel like this. Know your worth and that of your eldest dd.

Bloody is always thicker than water

People have their reasons for who they do & do not invite. You cannot place your expectations on others. We didn’t invite cousins as there are so many but we had lots of friends. It’s what we wanted. Our wedding, our choice. Love our cousins dearly but love spending time with friends even more.

You’ve reacted as though they’ve done something wrong when in fact they’ve just done something differently to how you would have.

My advice would be to apologise and reclaim some dignity.

If this DD was a child, yes, I'd agree, but she's a 28 year old women with two children of her own, who lives her own life a distance away. It's not even saying she'd want to go to the wedding as it's the nephew's opinion they're not close.

The OP appears to carry a lot of deep seated resentment against her in laws, some of it warranted, some of it extreme, but who knows how her oldest DD feels.

Wow. Do people actually behave like this. How utterly rude, self absorbed and selfish of you op , you should be ashamed.

calling and asking if she could come, sure that’s one thing. But this? Fucking hell.

Yes, you most certainly have made an utter twat of yourself. You need to issue a grovelling and unreserved apology. Who the hell do you think you are?

You would probably be better not to go to the wedding now as your actions have soured relations. DH and your other DDs can go on their own. You and your eldest DD can spend the day together elsewhere if you wish.

Does a 29 year old even want to go to the wedding anyway? Is she bothered? She's hardly a toddler who needs to be taken everywhere with you!

Except she can't. Because the other two and husband want to go and will go. They want a good, healthy relationship with their family. And their entitled to do so. They don't have to sever their family ties because of OPs tantrum