To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

Totally get why your annoyed.
Nephew was tactless and quite prepared to cause a divide.
What an idiot, why don't people think long term I don't get it.
Why do they want upset?
I definitely would no go. Who cares if he wants to get married, let him, dosent mean you got to care or be there.
As long as he and the bride are there, what does it matter.
Your nephew has shown his true colours.

Are your younger two daughters still living at home while your eldest has her own household?

I also wondered about that.

Sometimes you need to find some demarcation to cut numbers down.

Are you accepting you have made a twat of yourself or not? If so, what is with the Malfoys comment and what does that even mean? (And I am very acquainted with the franchise but I don't see the parallel).

Lots of wedding invitations are based on DNA and blood, they are often seen as family occasions you see. The other two children are I assume being invited as minors making up your household.

Your daughter is not his cousin. She is the adult daughter of his uncle's wife. As I mentioned upthread, my husband is acquainted with two people who are the adult sons of his father's wife. He also has two brothers, it isn't very hard for me to imagine that he might invite his brothers to an event but not the other two, because they really aren't his brothers and he doesn't have a relationship with them, never mind a close one. He has known them a very long time though.

OMG I thought we would be talking about children, not a 28 year old FGS, maybe they have history and hate each other, did you think of that.

I was assuming it meant leaving a 12 year old home alone whilst the rest of the family went. You need to get a grip!

What are the long term repercussions? Not having to deal with OP?

If so, is that an undesirable outcome?

Yanbu to be a little upset but yabvu to have said anything- I'd be really surprised if you're still invited

Why would you be so out out over this? It's their wedding and they decide who goes!

You sound like incredibly domineering and you have embarrassed your husband with your obnoxious behaviour.

Apologise to husband and nephew and wind hour neck in

I think it's basically not an invitation to any of you. He knows you won't come if he excludes the other sister. So he wasn't intending to invite any of you including your husband.

LOL @ Malfoys!
You are hilarious.
It's his wedding so you can't change that. If he changed his mind would you all go?
Just sit this one out. None of my family would be going.

YABU

That's what I thought.

Good grief. I'm cringing with embarrassment just reading this thread.

If my spouse had done what you did, I'd be incandescent with anger. You've made a total idiot of yourself and embarrassed your husband hugely.

Eek , glad you're not my wife..

YANBU to be upset as your DD doesn't have a relationship with her father, and therefore I assume she's been involved with your DH's family for 20+ years.

However, YABVU to phone the groom up! Good lord, I'm surprised you still have an invitation tbh. Please think before you act.

Trying to invite yourself to something you have not been invited to is about as unclassy and ill mannered as you can get.

Yes oldest is put of the house and I'm assuming has children. That's why she said her grandchildren is not invited. She wants an unrelated adult's children to come to this wedding

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

Just because they're close in age doesn't mean they're close relationship wise.

While she's your DD DN rightly gets a say in who gets invited to his wedding.

Obviously you're going to be upset your DD didn't get invited.
If you don't feel you want to go it's fine to decline the invite based on that reason.

Choice...in this instance it's each person's choice to do what they feel is best for them.

I agree with this.

YANBU to be upset, but haranguing an invite for your daughter is unreasonable and embarrassing.

Next time keep your powder dry and decline the invite - much more effective.

It's none of your business who they want at their wedding, your behaviour sounds insane, do them all a favour and don't go. It will save them money and you can do whatever you want instead!

This!

Only OP seems to be upset by the lack of invitation and her DH is angry at her for her behaviour.

If the nephew doesn’t see and/or feel OP’s 28 yo daughter as family, OP’s behaviour isn’t going to help nor change that.

I bet the nephew hasn’t even talked to OP’s daughter in some time considering he forgot about her completely.

I think I would have quietly checked with him or whoever sent invites out first to see if it was a mistake. (my ex MIL gave us a list for their huge family for invitations and left one of the older cousins off by mistake and we were mortified when we found out)
Anyway that's irrelevant now as you've already made contact, so just let your husband go to the wedding on his own, he can sort the gift etc and the rest of don't go.
Don't worry about who else has been invited or why because it won't make any difference. Go and do something really fun with all of your daughters on the day instead .

I thought you were upset because an older CHILD had not been invited, not a fully grown and functioning adult.

YABU and v v rude.

I’m surprised by the responses. I get that it’s his wedding and he can choose etc etc but imo it is a bit of a dick move to exclude her because she is ‘step family’

my Oldest is from a previous relationship and my youngest with my partner. If my in laws excluded him I wouldn’t be happy either.

personally I would just send hubby and stay home with all your 3 kids to make a point.

I would be embarassed to be your DH.

Groom can invite whoever he wants. Weddings are pricey and I also invited friends above relatives i’m not close with.