To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

Same. Another sad case where someone expects their DH’s family to step up and make up for the fact they had their previous child with a shit, and when the DH family doesn’t really get involved, the relationship with all their biological relatives is held back as punishment.

I think your daughter should have been invited but not your grandchildren.

Your husband should have spoken to his nephew, if anyone was going to do it, which was probably not a good idea either.

Just vote with your feet. Let your husband and younger daughters go. Avoid your ILs.

You have no choice but to accept it. You can’t force them to feel how you want them to. It really is on you to suck it up 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would have been annoyed that my daughter wasn't invited and I would have declined the invitation and said I was already going somewhere with said daughter, leaving dh to go with other daughters if they wanted to go.
I would not have contacted them. You have let yourself down by doing so.

You are so out of line.... Being a bit miffed is one thing, but furious? Get a grip.
You ned to apologize, but I fear you'd only try to argue your case again given the opportunity....

I cannot accept that they can’t treat her like a cousin.

You said yourself on the other thread that even your youngest children see your eldest as an embarrassment. There’s more to this than you’re letting on.

All three of my daughters are now adults with one at uni and the other going this year. Neither of them know about the drama I have caused.

Well your younger two will inevitably find out from their paternal family (like they have about past events that you stopped them going to because of your eldest) & I don’t imagine it’s going to go down well considering both of them have already blown up at you about this kind of behaviour.

Having read your post about how upset your younger two are that you actively prevented them from spending time with their grandparents and cousins, I can’t believe this situation surprised you.

You have done everything possible to keep
your DH’s family at bay. Why on earth would they invite your adult daughter and her children? Why on earth would you think you have the right to phone them (twice! cringe) to shout the odds about her lack of invitation?

Make your apologies to all concerned.

You don’t get to decide how other people define family. Blood relatives is a pretty common way of seeing it that way.

Malfoys, ffs.

She's not a cousin though. The groom has nothing to do with her. Your entitlement is unjustified.
You've posted about your kids before on the linked thread way near the start, about your daughters turning against you 🤷🏼‍♀️

Good god in heaven I thought you were going to say your daughter was a child, she’s a fucking grown adult with her own family. I’d be apoplectic if I were your husband. I can’t believe you did that!

That's rather sad surely?

Inviting cousins is going quite a way out of the family tbh. I was only invited to the weddings of one set of cousins that I grew up close with.

No. If I’m not close to someone and haven’t talked to them in years, I wouldn’t be sending them an invite regardless if they’re family or not nor expecting one.

I just read the OP of your other thread. This isn't the first wedding you've interfered in and you have very deliberately deprived your DC of relationships they deserved. No wonder everyone is pissed off at you

This is embarrassing for you. I can understand why you are upset as he’s not considering your daughter a cousin as she’s not a blood relative but considering he’s not close to any of them it’s nice that he’s invited any. If they were children it would be different but there adults and old enough to understand.

You have absolutely NO reason to be hurt. They don't know your eldest DD much and are not actually related to her or her children.

Just plan a nice day out with your DD and grandchildren. DH and the younger DDs can go to the wedding on their own.

Whatever you do, don't turn up at the wedding yourself now. It seems like the best that could be expected from you would be a face like a slapped arse! Or some might prefer to say a cat's bum face!

Thing is of course they don’t consider her a cousin.

Their own actual cousins have been barely alllowed a relationship because your golden child was always your priority. Nothing like building up a lovely bit of resentment that you created.

@SlothsRUs Your behaviour makes you sound awful . I have a picture of you in my head that isn't flattering. You sound aggressive, bullying and as if you can't control yourself.
Being your grandchildren does not entitle anyone to an invitation to the wedding of a step-first cousin once removed. It's ludicrous to think it does.
Your lack of control and respect and aggressive behaviour has damaged your family relationships and made things difficult for your husband.
Have a bit of dignity and self-respect.

But “blood is thicker than water” for some people. My family is my blood family ie the relatives of my parents

My step mum has been in my life since I was 7 and not once have I considered her family mine. They are the relatives of the woman my dad married. I get on with my step mum great but she is the only one from her family that I have a relationship with

My half siblings have a relationship with their mums family as they should. I don’t. And I would be mortified if my dad demanded that I am included in their family events (and I felt the same when I was a child)

I know that I am coming over as a lunatic BUT aunt is invited with her children and her grandchild.

Uncle is invited with two of his children BUT NOT the child he had raised since she was three and NOT her two children.

My daughter has been known to them for a quarter of a century.

So those who would invite their cousins and cousin’s toddler but not my daughter and her two children could you give me a reason? Predicated only on shared DNA. Genuinely struggling to understand.

Embarrassed for you

I concede that I should have declined and not phoned him. My emotions got in the way.

Because you, because of your golden daughter basically cut them off from their family!

She's 28 not 8. I am cringing with second hand embarrassment reading this.

Do yourself a favour: wind your neck in. You don’t get to choose who is invited to someone else’s wedding. You better start working out how to apologise.

The one thing I do find odd though is your DD has been in your DH's life since she was 3 years old, now 28 and still being seen as an 'outsider'.

I'm not even going to assume there's a reason but after 25 years of being in your DH's life just seems odd to me.

OP we seem to have cross posted there..
Does your eldest see her paternal family.

Do your DH family feel she has other relatives that she's closer to.