To have phoned DH’s nephew twice to ask why me daughter and grandchildren aren’t invited to his wedding

[SlothsRUs]

Husband is fucking angry with me. Received an invitation to his nephew’s wedding for us and our two daughters but not for my eldest daughter who is from a previous relationship.

Nephew’s response was that she was a step-relative who hadn’t been thought of but he didn’t think they were close.
He is closer in age to her and has known her longer than he has known the others.

I got his number off husband’s phone. He's furious with me.

Nephew is son of Brother-in-Law. The daughter of Sister-in-Law is invited with her toddler but my grandchildren aren’t invited.

When I found this out I rang him back asking how he felt closer to this family as they had grown up in different countries. He said he wasn’t willing to carry on the conversation.

BiL rang husband suggesting had I requested an invitation, one would be forthcoming, I don’t believe him. I get the sense it was more of control your wife.

I have no hope at all of my daughters not going, husband is definitely going.

I am fucking sick to my stomach. SiL rang me directly virtually threatening me saying I had upset people and not to involve my MiL.

Fucking furious.

People are going ask DD1 is 28, younger two are 19 and 20. Groom is 29.

Why "should" she have been invited? NOBODY has a 'right' to be invited to anybody's wedding!

I get why you might be a bit annoyed but personally I'd of kept that between you and your OH. I would be mortified if I was your daughter and wouldn't want to show my face at the wedding.

I felt some sympathy until I saw your oldest daughter is 28 , surely old enough to understand that there has to be a cut-off point somewhere when planning a wedding

I disagree. I think it’s a valid point she makes. It’s also hilarious.

I don’t think this is the case at all actually. I think not inviting OP’s DD is rude but at the end of the day as an adult she is capable of ignoring it. This is the sort of thing that can only upset you as far as you allow it to.

OP could have opened the invite, frowned and declined. She could’ve planned a lovely day with her eldest and the GC. Instead, she started drama. It’s unnecessary because this was just average rude, not like the thread with the 10 yo the other day which was lacking a basic moral compass level rude.

The fact you are not even close enough to your husband's nephew to have his number in your phone and you had to get it from your husband's phone speak volumes about the relationship you do not have with him. I get you are triggered by not feeling like your eldest is included in the extended family....but you don't have a relationship with him. I would have asked your eldest first if she cared about not going, and if she did, raised it with your husband to ask.

I imagine your dd1 will be perfectly happy not to go to this wedding if she isn't frequently in contact with the groom?

Your eldest is 28 and not a kid. If he doesn't want to invite her he doesn't have to and you don't have to go either. Your other two can decided for themselves as can your dh. You are all adults here! Your behaviour is annoying and if I was him I'd cut you off the guest list too.

It's his wedding. He can invite who the heck he likes. The end

I had to google the Malfoy's. Interesting bunch.

This...

But then for OP to phone again once she'd found out GC of DN's blood relative were going but not her GC by the elder daughter was unthinkable.

What possessed you to phone a second time, he already told you his reasons why her wasn't inviting your eldest DD but to call again and rant about not inviting her DC that he is even further unrelated to was out of order.

I'm not one to normally look at an OP's post from previous but someone mentioned a past post.
It pretty much sounds like this poster didn't think to much of her DH family before the latest incident.
Going on that I'm surprised she got an invite at all.

This is almost unbearable to read! Weddings are an occasion for the bride and groom to celebrate their union how they want! They are not an opportunity for a funded extended family get together. All this second step-cousin twice removed malarkey is utterly ridiculous.

The priorities at most weddings are immediate family, friends who have supported and played a role in the lives of the happy couple, then extended family; but only then and if whoever is paying can afford it.

Not once in your posts have you said you are happy for the couple, that you or your thwarted sundry offspring want to celebrate their special day. There is nothing positive, only anger and a rather ugly sense of entitlement.

Unless you can bring yourself to issue a heartfelt apology you will be the awkward elephant in the room for some time.

Oh dear, what were you thinking?!

YABU

I've read your other post.

You actively discouraged a relationship between your husband's family and his children and were pretty nasty.

And now you're carrying it on.

I honestly think you would benefit from some sort of counselling to deal with your emotions around your first born not having a relationship with her father and how you expect others to compensate.

Crikey, it sounds like you've blown this up a bit. Does it actually matter whether or not your adult daughter attends this wedding?

This is spectacularly bad form, op. If my husband went through my phone, contacted a family member and kicked off twice I'd seriously consider what I was doing with such a dick.

And what now, op? Are you attending the wedding? Because if I were you i would bow out gracefully, rather than gurn your way through the day.

It rings a bell with me

Also yes, you going through my phone to get my nephew's number would be a gross invasion of privacy to me and I would be beyond angry with you. I'd go so far as to say your behaviour over this would be relationship ending if it was me.

I voted YANBU because I think you are right to be upset in these circumstances. However, I think you should have kept the high ground and just declined the invitation.

Also are you sure she's not been invited because she's an adult in her own right, whereas the younger two are part of your husband's current household?

I always feel uncomfortable about other people defining my family for me.

The groom doesn’t consider your eldest daughter or her children as his family. That might be hard to hear - but he has that right.

My aunt has step children - they aren’t part of my family. I have met them once and they don’t get invited to any family functions - nor would they invite us to their stuff. They are adults. I would never think of them as my cousins,

you were rude.

That last comment in particular makes you sound a little unhinged tbh. I'm not surprised your husband is furious.

I hate when people don't invite one random family member, as if the budget was that close

It's not just one person though, it's grandchildren as well. Who knows how many?

Up to him who he invites but I think you massively confused the situation worn grandchildren. I'm assuming they are dd1 kids - she wasn't invited so why would her kids be invited.

Honestly numbers tend to be tight at most weddings. There is also a huge difference between inviting one toddler to a whole gaggle of them

But you have been incredibly rude demanding invites.

I totally understand that I have made a twat of myself and I am genuinely sorry. I am sorry that my husband had his head in his hands. He has phoned his brother to apologise and told him that I am declining. I accept that this is the end of my relationship with them. Although BiL said to see how the land lay in a few weeks.

I cannot accept that they can’t treat her like a cousin.

DD1 was upset not to be invited. The other two are excited to go. All three of my daughters are now adults with one at uni and the other going this year. Neither of them know about the drama I have caused.

I have not posted about this before. Nor did I get the me daughter comment. It was a typo. My degree is in English. Sorry.

I hope the couple have a long and happy life together. Genuinely.

I am nevertheless really hurt. I don’t expect my in-laws to compensate for her biological father but I would have expected them to treat her as family and not differentiate based on shared DNA.

DH is looking after neighbour’s dog and when he comes back there’s a meal for him so I hope we can have a quiet evening.