Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

The sooner you can get him Speech And Language Therapy, at the very least, the better the intervention will be. Time is of the essence with child development.

Ask your GP for a 2 year assessment - I did, and we then did two years of SALT which were invaluable.

I know it must be hard to hear OP. We all worry so much about our little ones.

But if two settings have expressed concerns to you, you MUST take it on board for the sake of your son. He needs you to fight for him in the right way.

Why do you feel that you are more qualified to pick up on whether he has autism than trained professionals that have experience of many children?
You don't sound as if you really know what autism is with what you have said.
Instead of being defensive or trying to make out that the nursery and childminder just want an easy life maybe follow up on what they have said and contact your health visitor and GP to start the process of getting him assessed?

Two different childcare settings have told you the same thing - I think you should listen.

At my son's nursery there are some children who have additional needs and receive 1:1 support - which is only possible because those needs have been assessed.

My children can do that and they're autistic.

You need to listen to childcare professionals. An assessment may rule out additional needs so that he gains skills over time but if he is struggling then early intervention can help. 10 words at 2 1/2 is below average, even you admit he does not listen. He is also quite old to start at a cm, maybe she prefers seeing them through from baby to school age. Both settings are suggesting they cannot currently meet his needs and you need to look elsewhere. If he had a diagnosis or ehcp you are correct in saying he cannot be discriminated against in a funded setting.

What you see is your little boy who is probably at his most relaxed with you.

what a professional sees is your little boy in relation to his peers. What they are saying is that in relation to his peers he will s showing indications of SEN. Do listen to them as he probably finds settings stressful and will regress as a result.

Autism is very individual and lots of things that are common traits (eg eye contact) is not actually something that is common in all people with autism. So just because he can do certain things is not proof he doesn’t have it.

He is your little boy and you will love him no matter what. I would seek advice, a label may help you and others understand him better.

Children with autism can and do make eye contact, some don’t have problems with eye contact at all and others don’t make eye contact in some ways (eg: to make a request, to draw attention to something) but will still use it in other ways (eg: making eye contact during an enjoyable interaction)or they will have difficulty in sustaining eye contact for the right amount of time, either using fleeting eye contact or too much eye contact.

Not all autistic children sleep poorly.

10 words at 2.5 suggests a speech delay, by 2 years old children would typically have 100+ words and be linking 2 words together so to only have 10 words by 2.5 suggest something is up.

Do you have much experience of child development or of spending time with young children? The things you are describing of your son sounds more like a typical 18-month-old, not a 2.5 year old. Speech delay certainly doesn’t always mean autism or SEN but if both nursery and a childminder are saying your son appears to have developmental delays that suggests you really need to be making a GP appointment to discuss this.

Exactly this, OP.

You love your son. You don’t want him to be “different” in any way. But being in denial only holds him back.

You are thinking worst case scenario. But as @OneMoreTime23 said, it’s a whole spectrum.

I’ve worked with someone who I didn’t even know had autism for 9 months until he mentioned it. He was a bit particular around deadlines and things, often sarcasm escaped him etc., but he lived a very ordinary life, professional job, a fiancée. An autism diagnosis doesn’t have to be the life-stopping diagnosis you think it is.

But not getting him the additional help and understanding he needs will only hold him back in life. Help with language will go along way to helping him make friends at school etc.

You can’t keep burying your head in the sand, and when you stop you might find it isn’t as bad as you are imagining.

There are plenty of boards on here where you can get advice and support.

My ds has ASD and no one picked it up until nearly secondary school age when his teacher happened to go on an autism awareness course. If two childcare places are suggesting your ds has additional needs and may be autistic then I would listen to them.
Take the reports to your GP and get him referred, it could be a long wait and the sooner you get the ball rolling the better.

@penelopepinkbott i work in education and my son had SEN needs also. Your son is entitled to an education so make sure you send him somewhere that can meet his needs and be upfront and honest with them about what has happened so far.

However, I agree with other posters, these people are experts. The fact he is hurting other children IS a communication and language need (my son used to do the same and still does when he is stressed, tired and emotionally dysregulated) therefore I would ask your HV to refer to speech and language and go from there.

please don’t see this as me being mean, I’m genuinely trying to help you and the sooner you get the ball rolling the better it will be in the long run. You are your child’s advocate at this stage and it’s not helping him to assume this is developmental (it could be but the experts who deal with lots of children everyday are saying not)

Good luck

Don’t you care he’s hurt babies?

10 words at age 2.5 is barely any and would likely been considered speech delay.

You need to get him properly assessed as the likelihood is he'll need extra support via high needs block funding to attend any provision.

Childcare ratios are based on neuro typical children with no disabilities. Most settings cannot cope with a child with additional needs without extra funding to provide more staff.

These childcare professionals have far more experience of that 2 year olds are like than you - you only know your DS. You should listen to them.

Burying your head in the sand about possible issues isn't going to help your son

OP, it’s horrible to think your child is not developing as they should. I get it, I’ve been there. But ignoring what the professionals are saying won’t make it go away. Speak to your HV and push for a referral. He will only be diagnosed with something if he has it.

Some of the early signs of autism can be similar to a child with a hearing loss, even if this is fluctuating/ temporary- very common in small children caused by glue ear. I would get his hearing checked as a matter of urgency as, if this is the cause, then intervention with hearing aids ( yes they do give these for glue ear) or surgery might make a big difference. ) If not then an assessment of his needs will help him to access early education with additional support.

Don't all kids get hurt now and then? It's not like he was deliberately going up to them with a cricket bat. He just stood on them or hit them with a toy when he was playing.
When we pick him up he nips us and he did that to the CM too. I think he just likes to 'hold on' to us.

Many autistic children can do the things you’ve pointed out

This can’t be serious?

Fuck me, OP, he should absolutely have enough awareness to not stand on babies!

Maybe this has been normal to us so I believed it was normal for everyone. My husband absolutely refused to believe any of this but I have listened to you all.

He just stood on them

”just”

I’m sure you would be thrilled if your childminder told you a toddler had hurt your baby, but he “just”stood on them.

Is your 2 year old behaving differently to your 4 and 6 year olds at that age?

Yes, he needs to attend a children's center nursery. They will give him lots of support and arrange all sorts of assessments for him. I never would have been able to arrange anything for my daughter otherwise.

The CM would be well within her rights to report you to social services for not providing appropriate health care for your child. It is classed as neglect.

Im not sure why you’re not doing anything tbh.