Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

She said try, which she did. It didn't work out.

Do you have any training or experience with children, particularly infants, with autism? Because two setting's who do have told you they have concerns. Let me be the first to assure you that children with autism can make eye contact, like shows and recognise the characters, sleep well and say 10 words

Do you think he's the only 2 year old in the world? Clearly other 2 year olds are managing in these settings, hence the concern for yours.

I have spoken to numerous parents in my setting who have told me that their child 100% didn’t have autism and then have gone onto receive a diagnosis. Saying you don’t think he does, doesn’t mean he doesn’t.

Speak to the HV and speak to the GP.

So he needs 121 supervision? The childminder cannot provide that. A SEN nanny would be your best bet.

You need to recognise that these people work with children every single day and can see what is normal and what is not. The fact they can't meet his needs when I am sure they have worked with the most stubborn toddlers suggests that there is more at play here.

You know ASD is a spectrum, right?

Op I’m sorry but for two settings to say no is quite unusual and something uou need to listen to. If your child needs one to one. Then a nanny could support, of course it has a cost. But I would take your child to the doctor for assessment and explain.

Our DD had similar issues and we took her to the GP. Turns out her ears were completely plugged with wax, she had no hope of hearing anything clearly, her speech was behind and she couldn't follow any instruction because she didn't understand anything going on. She's since had speech and language therapy for about a year, the wax is gone and we keep an eye on it and she's catching up with her peers. But intervention is so important. It's scary and tbh a bit offensive when people start reporting things about your child, I felt criticised even though they were trying to help.

Saying she can't meet his needs is not a criticism of him.
Instead of feeling like it's an attack on him and, somehow, on you too, perhaps be willing to consider the possibility they may have a point. Taking him through assessments will not give him additional needs if he does not have them but if he does then early intervention is crucial.

Op I think you need to go on a whole journey about this, you're feeling defensive and hurt that people are suggesting something is 'wrong' with your ds. It's understandable.

If he does have autism, that doesn't mean he's defective. He can still be lovable and wonderful and have lots of promise and a great life. But he'll need appropriate support. Checking if he has autism won't give him autism. He has it or he doesn't, it's not your fault and nothing you do can change it.

Life isn't fair, it's not fair that some kids need more support than others, it's not fair that you often have to battle to get it if you need it. But it is what it is, and getting an early diagnosis is preferable. It can help get funding for more support at nursery or school. A nursery will be keener to take him if funding is in place for support.

My child was at nursery with a child who was almost certainly autistic but no funding in place yet - it was stressful for everyone, he needed 121 but didn't get it so staff were stretched more thinly.

I think talking to other parents with SEN children might help, right now you sound scared of it but you need to get to grips with it.

Children can make eye contact and still have autism. Not all autistic children have sleep issues. Also 10 words at his age is delayed. My ds is 2.5 waiting to be assessed for autism and is starting to actually hold a basic conversation. You're denial is only going to hurt your child and stop him getting him the help he needs.

I just don't believe he has autism. He makes eye contact and he does understand what I say to him he just doesn't always listen. He likes bluey and recognises him everywhere. He can say at least 10 words. He sleeps well

None of that means he's not autistic.

You've had two childcare setting express concerns now - please do right by your son and get him some support.

I’m sure you know that it is a spectrum. Some kids don’t do any of the things you’ve said, some do but don’t do others. Some struggle with communication but make eyes contact and sleep 12h a night peacefully. There is not one box fits all.

You owe it to your son to make sure he is supported in a way that enables him to thrive. Don’t hold him back by burying your head in the sand

Surely having two childcare settings say they can't meet his needs is a sign that you need to get professional advice? Please don't be in denial about your ds's needs. Early intervention and good parental support can make such a difference.

Autism isn’t like chicken pox. It’s not a case of ticking every single box to confirm its presence.

I guess this is your only child. You are being too precious. You must listed to the words of those who have spent their careers in the presence of preschoolers. They know what they are talking about. They aren’t suggesting he is SEN or autistic to be spiteful or to get you off their backs. They are suggesting you get him assessed to ensure his needs are met.

Two settings raising alarm bells. You need to listen & act on it. Nurseries & child minders can spot neurodiverse children very quickly.

Lots of parents find reasons why they think their child isn’t ND, but they’re often wrong.

If she has mainly babies they won't be quiet and do as they're told so that won't be the issue

You need to get him assessed, what your describing is not typical. Your also not qualified to make as assessment. It also appears your not accepting that this could be a possibility and getting him the help and support he needs, don't fail him.

Your 2 year old is not displaying typical age related behaviours. Two separate professionals have made you aware of this- thy know what is and isn’t normal.
Your child needs a developmental review

Has he had his 2/2.5 year check?

If you were a parent of one of the babies who was being hurt repeatedly by your son would you be happy with that? Her job is to keep the kids safe and that's why she is terminating. She is not obliged to keep any child.

If your child has SEN they aren't going to get any better, it's not something you grow out of. It could get worse if not identified and supported properly. If your child doesn't have SEN then no harm is going to be done by having assessments and any support that an be made available.

Meanwhile I echo that a council run nursery would be a good childcare setting. The assessment process benefits from observations made which a child is away from their home setting. In an ideal world you're right that inclusiveness principles ought to mean no setting turns your child away but a childminder has to think of the safety and wellbeing of all their charges and cannot support a child who needs 1:1 care. A private nursery exists on tight margins and ratios of staff to children that barely allow a profit margin at the best of times. A council nursery is under the same regulations but at least doesn't have to turn a profit and is less likely to ask you to withdraw your child as the council will ultimately bear the responsibility for meeting your child's needs one way or another - though you may need to wait a while for a place to be made available.

You’ve had two care settings say they can’t meet his needs. That’s not normal, you need to listen to them and get help. The child minder can terminate the contract if she can’t meet his needs, it would t be fair on your DS or the other children there for him to stay. A private setting can refuse to care for a child, there’s no obligation on them.

So you think inclusivity comes before safety?

So you think the CM should just allow your child to keep injuring the other children because it's ..... 'inclusive' 🧐

Two different childcare provisions have terminated their contracts with you because they can't meet your sons additional needs. Listen to them and look into this further. Be pleased that this has been picked up at his age.