Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

Oh @penelopepinkbott this is not normal. It might be your normal, but it is not usual for children of his age.

He has been asked to leave 2 settings by the age of 2.
BOTH of them are telling you he has additional needs that they cannot cope with.

You need to get the ball rolling to find out what they are.

What do you mean he ‘nips’ you? Do you mean bites?

No op, not all children stand on babies, hit them with toys and nip parents and childminders. My toddler dd has had her fair share of tantrums and squabbles over toys with other kids her own age but she has never done those things, and hasn’t ever hurt babies. That’s not normal behaviour.

Really? I have spoken to HV and will again this week. I have paid for nursery to give my son socialisation etc and again with the CM and I am asking here for some more opinions. I have listened to everyone and will keep going until my son is settled somewhere

I struggle to believe any parent would write this, or anyone really.

@penelopepinkbott a child with autism will likely be able to have eye contact with you but not always be able to do same with others. This means he is comfortable with you. Nips are not normal and not holding onto you. Being unaware of his actions hurting another is also a potential sign of autism. Quite often proprioception difficulties mean they can’t be aware of where their body is within their space and will often be in others personal space. That may cause bumps and hits or be uncomfortable for the others. I’m sorry you are finding this hard to hear but your son is no different. He’s still the same boy. Nothing will change other than support to achieve his best when you seek a diagnosis. Help him to be the best he can be socially and have friends to play with as well as educationally.

I can imagine how unsettled you feel at being told twice over about not being to meet his needs or keep him safe and unfortunately you do need to take it seriously.

You would be doing both yourself and your son a disservice to continue to be naive and deny there is anything different about his progress than expected for his age.

He deserves to thrive in an environment which can meet his needs and your deserve the knowledge he is safe and being managed with his best interests at the core of his care.

Really hope your HV can point you in the right direction for support and diagnosis if required.

I think if 2 different settings are telling you they can’t meet your son’s needs safely you need to look into that. I mean seriously look into it. Sometimes you get so used to your own child you think they’re ‘typical’ without realising that there are issues. I know from experience.

Don't all kids get hurt now and then? It's not like he was deliberately going up to them with a cricket bat. He just stood on them or hit them with a toy when he was playing.
When we pick him up he nips us and he did that to the CM too. I think he just likes to 'hold on' to us.

No , this is not normal, although would hope supervision would not allow him opportunities to stand on the baby and he had space to play out of hitting range.

This makes it sound like you are just going to keep trying one nursery after another.

Are you actually going to seek an autism assessment, @penelopepinkbott ?

Nope. It is not typical behaviour at all.
Nothing you've described says typical behaviour. my children both have autism and what you describe is far closer to them at that age than to an NT toddler. By a mile.

Sounds like a child a lot younger than 2.5 to be honest. I've got one that exact same age, both she and her sister were talking in full sentences. Ten words is about right for 18 months or younger.

Your kid needs help, please get him assessed or his life is going to be a lot harder.

You sound quite blase OP about your child’s behavior. It might be partially caused by autism - it might not. Either way you and your husband need to constantly pull your son up on these behaviors so he learns how to socialise better. Being autistic doesn’t automatically equate to being a little shit. It just means it is harder for him to learn - but he can and should learn. You can’t simply rely on a child care provider to mange or solve this problem.

Unfortunately yes, neglect crossed my mind too. I know it’s not, but the fact that you aren’t considering looking into support for his needs is worrying. Good that you are trying to find a suitable setting, but at the very least you need to push your HV to make a referral to speech and language. Sorry OP but I think you need to get the ball rolling with other health professionals now ‘standing’ on babies is not normal!

The OP is absolutely apathetic about her child’s needs and the fact he has hurt much smaller children. It borders on neglectful parenting to wilfully ignore concerns being raised by professionals.

OP literally two different settings have said the same thing/taken the exact same course of action, that surely should tell you something

If a someone in a childcare profession is advising assessment, do it for your child. Thats kinder for him and his development, don't just not do it because of your own pride

Don’t listen to that poster. You don’t sound neglectful. There is a lot of misinformation out there about autism (eg: autistic children don’t make eye contact, don’t sleep, don’t talk) and it’s understandable that if you don’t know a lot of 2 year olds you won’t pick up on what is and isn’t part of typical development. It’s also understandable to initially be in denial when SEN is raised and it is very, very common for parents not to go down the route of assessment etc the first time issues/ concerns are broached. As you say, this is your normal and you obviously love and adore your son and so it is a lot to consider that he might have a developmental difference. You won’t be the first or last parent to ignore concerns about their child’s development the first time they’re raised.

That said, there is a short time period where it’s normal and reasonable to bury your head in the sand about your sons development but doing that isn’t going to help him, early intervention is key (regardless of whether he has autism/ SEN or not, the speech delay alone should be reason to push more help and support) so the sooner you can get him help the better, not just in terms of getting him a childcare place but also to support his development.

Two different places with experience have told you so I think you need to listen. Book an appointment with the HV asap. Of course childcare can cancel. Hope you find a childcare settled that meets his additional needs.

But a CM has other children and no-one to help!

You need to take note. It might not be anything but you need to investigate and find the right setting for him

Also OP, my child didn’t display some of the ‘typical’ ASD behaviours. Still was diagnosed at 2.5 though. Some of the ‘typical’ behaviours started later. A professional may pick up things you haven’t noticed. That was certainly the case for me. Get a referral and get the ball rolling.

I am not saying OP's son does not have SEN but it isn't unusual for children especially boys to have a speech delay. It is a bit unhelpful to say that your girls were speaking in full sentences by that age so therefore he should be. Some are better at that than others.

You need to start the ball rolling with assessments. If you carry on putting your son in more and more settings it could be very detrimental. How many have to ask him to leave before you actually take an ounce of notice of what professionals are saying? He won’t even have a chance to settle anywhere.

now is the time to stop burying your head in the sand. If you speak to a health visitor you need to relay what was said by the settings. If you are intent on denying any possibility then you are likely not giving the HV all the information in a truthful way.

you really as doing your son a disservice by ignoring the concerns that have been noticed in the two settings he has attended. Surely you want the best for your son?

I think it's more denial
I have Been there ,I'm the parent of a,severely autistic teen ,when hexwas a toddler before diagnosis it was very hard to accept that he wasn't developing typically ,and the early days were very tough
Op I know its hard. To hear that your much loved child may have some developmental delays but you are doing him.a disservice not to get him assessed

Your mindset is shocking, minimising the fact that he stood on babies. Even the nonchalent use of the cricket bat to form a comparison that his behaviour is mild is totally wrong. You need to get a grip and act like a responsible guardian for the sake of your child and other children he comes into contact with.

Totally agree with this.