Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

OP - THIS ^^ in a nutshell. Please wake up.

Two settings have chosen to forgo fees because of your child’s needs. He has needs. Stop denying it.

Speaking only 10 words sounds like his speech is that of an 18 month old.

My eldest DS was assessed at the same age as yours is now and a lot of what you say your DS is doing rings true. However my DS is not autistic but had a speech and language condition that caused an all round developmental delay. Because of targeted support he thrived and is now in his final year of a psychology degree and contemplating doing a Master's.
So whatever your DS does or does not get diagnosed with- the best course of action is to get him assessed as that will give him and you the best support and knowledge possible.

She sounds like she's been very professional. Like others I'd definitely seek help. By 2.5 my daughter was speaking in full sentences very confidently. Most of the kids at her nursery are flagged if they have fewer than 30 words and not recognising their name is really unusual at that age. Our 10 month old always responds to hers.

I had a friend who arrogantly ignored all the advice to get her son assessed. The repercussions for him as an adolescent and adult have been awful. She used to come out with arguments just like you.

I've worked in a nursery for 10 years and can pretty much identify a child who probably has autism or some other kind of SEN on the first settle session. It is very obvious when a child is outside of normal development ranges. Your childminder could most definitely have picked this up within two weeks if she is experienced.

Nobody wants to let down a child but when there are other children to care for you have to weigh up with what the practitioners can cope with to give all children their best education and care within that environment. If your child is hurting others, not listening age appropriately etc then she may well not be able to manage them and the others together. Pinching and nipping behaviours aren't typical for children at 2.5yrs. Many are using full sentences by then not just odd words and they make it clear what they understand even if they can't fully speak in more complex ways. Limited interests and having specialist knowledge (ie more advanced than usual for their age, esp in numbers or songs) are also red flags.

@penelopepinkbott this is a pretty dickish thing to say. I've always been mortified when my child has hurt others, I would never just write it off as you have here. All kids have their moments and most kids have experiences of getting hurt but that doesn't mean the CM should just write it off which your blasé response here seems to be suggesting. Some kids just can't be trusted around others and need closer supervision. It's not OK to let others be hurt because 'oh well, he just stood on them'! I hope your response to such behaviour IRL is more robust.

Glad to see from your later posts you plan to seek support/assessment re additional needs, if he doesn't have them no harm done, if he does better to know early and be able to get him the support he needs.

Kids get hurt now and then by things like falling over their own feet or accidentally bumping into each other while playing.

It's not usual for babies to get hurt by an older child standing on them or hitting them with objects.

Do you know what context the injuries have occurred in? Is your son lashing out? Struggling with coordination or spatial awareness? Is he pinching or grabbing other children as well?

I've been the parent of a child injured by a child in their childcare setting, when the other child has had some behavioural or developmental needs. I had sympathy for the other child and their parents, but ultimately I needed to know that my child was going to be safe. That required action from the childcare provider. I think that, if your son is causing injuries to other children, the childminder has a duty of care to the other children, to prevent that. If terminating the contract with you is the only option, then that's what she needs to do to safeguard the other children.

The average 2.5 year old uses between 200-1000 words. 10 words is really unusual at this age and the other behaviours are worrying too.
You really need to acknowledge the issues being raised and get support for your child.

Queijo · Today 11:46

The CM would be well within her rights to report you to social services for not providing appropriate health care for your child. It is classed as neglect.

Im not sure why you’re not doing anything tbh.

Oh come off it...how exactly has she neglected him? She listened to the nursery who advised a smaller setting. She tried that and it didn't work out. She sought advice on Mumsnet. Her child is only 2.5 which is difficult for professionals to assess. If professionals can't give a formal diagnosis at that age, how can they prove that she has failed to fulfil her child's needs. Such an awful alarmist comment which is completely uncalled for.

She sought advice on Mumsnet.

No, she sought backup for her outrage over the termination. She has repeatedly criticised the childminder and minimised her son's damaging behaviour - oh, he's not hitting them with cricket bats! etc.

‘He just stood on them or hit them with a toy…’

WTF is wrong with you?? Normal adults don’t pretend it’s ok for their toddler to step on or hit babies, accident or not.

I can’t believe you didn’t seek help after nursery told you he shows signs of autism. Are you more concerned about ‘what people might think’ if he has a condition diagnosed, rather than what help he might actually need??

Seriously you are failing your child with your dismissal of his needs. I can’t work out whether it’s arrogance or stupidity.

It is bloody well neglectful to purposely ignore your child’s needs.

She did not listen to the nursery about the autism diagnosis did she?

And when she got told the same thing again by CM decided to ignore the advice and look to blame the CM.

OP, I have a boy in my class who is autistic. He is nonverbal, he has a diagnosis, he has an EHCP, he gets 1:1 funding.
He also makes eye contact with those he is comfortable with, he understands some language (although not a lot - he uses pictures mostly), he sleeps incredibly well, he loves Peppa Pig and recognises it everywhere too. Autism take many many forms but please listen to the people who see ‘typical’ behaviour on a daily basis.
i tried to approach this with another boy in my class and his parents were adamant I was wrong and angry I’d even suggested their child had some SEND. Guess who is now going through the assessment process - 3 years later than he could have been!

Sorry everyone is being so hard on your op. You came here for genuine advice. To some posters you may have come across as naive and defensive but sometimes people only know what they live. You believe/believed your son was just acting within usual behaviour ‘norms’.
Talk to your GP and good luck. Don’t beat yourself up after reading some of the unhelpful replies on here.

You believe/believed your son was just acting within usual behaviour ‘norms’.

Standing on and hitting toddlers and babies is not within the norm.

I know that but maybe the op didn’t

The OP knew; the previous nursery told her.

We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

I wonder if frustration around communication might be a contributing factor to some of the behavioural concerns, @penelopepinkbott?

If he's only using 10 or so words, then his vocabulary might not be enough to enable him to express his thoughts. 2 year olds can have surprisingly complex thought processes. Have you done an online speech and language checker for his progress? How does he do on the ASQ for his age?

You have to understand that some people don’t have a great awareness of different disabilities. Some parents are suspicious of and unaccepting of advice from professionals for varying reasons. It can be a shock when you realise your child may have a disability and some parents go into a state of denial.
Maybe she did come here in hope that people would say how awful it is that her child has been denied a place. Hopefully though, the thread will spur her on to go to the gp. Just saying no need for all the OTT and rude comments.

Is this a wind up?! I’m not comfortable with another child standing on mine or hitting them with a toy

In answer to your original question, they are a business and can do business with who they like. Or not

I'm going to tell you OP about a child I know. At 2 he was quite violent. His mother refused to have him assessed or parent him. She is quite busy trying to be a YouTube influencer and snap chatting. Therefore no one has any idea if he has sn or just needs parenting or both.

He is now 8. Banned from most families homes, two place centers and is on his 7th school. He has no friends and sadly adults do not hide their dislike of him. It's not his fault but that doesn't change what a lousey life he has. Don't be that mother. Get him seen and find out what needs to happen to give him a good life. Don't wait.

You need to see the GP. Two different childcare settings have told you there is co cern, and you've ignored it- and would have continued to if you hadn't posted here. They beleive there is a concern, you need to show your husband this, as you said he still doesn't think there is a problem- and maybe there isn't, but yes, you should bf approach g it and not calling everyone else the problem.

Ahhh op I understand, I truly do. I had a similar experience when my DC was 3. I was absolutely furious, how dare they suggest there is 'something wrong' with my PFB? So what if they wander about all the time and won't join in story time on the floor, only want to play with the same toy everyday and nothing else. They're only 3 after all!

Fast forward a few years and it was very apparent even to me that there was in fact 'something wrong'. Then of course it took another two years of waiting lists and assessments before we got a diagnosis of autism.

It's very hard to accept that your PFB has something going on op, I get it.

However I do regret not getting referred sooner as the waits are so long. I would advise you to speak to the HV.