Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

A child of that age should have a few hundred words, not only ten.

“All children get hurt now and then” was what my mum used to say as my sister used me as a punching bag for most of my early childhood.

If nothing else, some empathy needs to be developed pretty quickly…

Think of it the other way round, how would you feel if your child was being hurt, all bit it non maliciously by another child in the setting? Surely you would expect the adult in that situation to put other children’s safety first to the benefit of your child? That is what they are doing. They are absolutely doing the right thing here.

Hi OP it’s great you are going to seek a referral. We were in a similar position and I’m afraid we didn’t want to believe it so we just put our heads in the sand. Our dc now has asd and adhd diagnoses and an EHCP. He is doing really well at school academically and has a great friendship with a nice young man.

i would ask GP to refer to developmental paediatrician for an autism assessment.

Do look at the MCHAT.

Do also consider pushing for a hearing assessment- our dc’s speech improved massively with grommets and we hadn’t realised but he had glue ear.

Well done for listening to what posters are saying to you, OP. I know it’s hard to accept that your child may have a neurodiversity. I think you may have been minimising his behaviour though. There was a poster here a while back whose child was telling the most horrific lies. The poster didn’t use the word ‘lie’ at all. Instead she repeatedly referred to the child telling ‘porkie pies’. You saying that your DS ‘nips’ people seems to be similar. He’s not nipping, he’s biting. My neurotypical DS bit people at that age for a mercifully short period. My neurodiverse other DS did pretty much every other behaviour you have mentioned in your posts, including making eye contact and sleeping well. He is autistic and has multiple other disabilities. Please address the biting and standing on babies and speech issues and everything else and access the help your DS needs. I mean this kindly.

He has additional needs. You are doing him absolutely no favours by not recognising this and acting on it.

It's not standard behaviour for 2 year old to nip and adult constantly or answer to their name or show zero awareness of their surroundings.

Are you able to self refer to speech and language in your area? Otherwise I'd be pushing hv for a referral and or an assessment for nd condition.

My dc with autism had few words and I was in denial. It took months for hv to persuade me to let her refer him. Best thing she ever did. He did have very disordered speech which led to asd diagnosis and then dyslexia. He also had very intense salt for 2 years at 3 and 4 which meant he had nearly verbally caught up by the time he reached reception age. Early intervention is key

And my dc makes eye contact but pointed out it's sliding eye contact. He also loves cuddles and contact. No autistic child presents exactly the same way.

A nursery AND childminder have both said that they cannot look after your son safely. They see a lot of children and it's quite rare for a nursery to say they can't manage.

Without being mean, you really haven't a clue or massively in denial.

What experience do you have with children? Do you take him to soft play settings/toddler groups or parks where there are other children his age. Have you not notices any differences at all?

It's not normal toddler behaviour to not notice their surroundings to the point they are a danger to babies lying on the floor or in a bouncer. By this age most toddlers enjoy playing side by side with peers. He should be saying more than a few words.

Take some time to think and reflect on your sons behaviours.

Staying in denial or putting it off is not doing what's best for your son. If childcare settings are finding it difficult to care for him, imagine what potential issues school may have.

He may or may not have additional needs. They may pick up on something else such as a hearing problem or vision issues. It's better to investigate now and give him to best chance to develop, leave it too late and he will struggle as he gets older.

Honestly OP, you do need to get the ball rolling now. IF there is an issue, it can take months, even years to get what he may need in place. I work in a school and we have quite a few children who have clear needs which have never been addressed, partly because their parents refuse to acknowledge that there is an issue. These poor kids need support and they don't get it.

Whilst early intervention is great for some children let's not forget its a huge spectrum and even with all the intervention in the world some children will never speak i don't want to rain on anyones parade and i certainly hope for the Op,s sake her child becomes fully verbal,
My son is 14 and non verbal, he's had tons of support and been in a special school,since he was four

I’d get him assessed, it’s ok

My nephew is completely mute at 4 and who knows if he will ever speak or be out of nappies. But it doesn’t matter - it’s not about making him into someone else. Getting him support to help him in the world is key.

I'm afraid she can't prioritise your DS over the other children in her care, OP.

How could she run a successful service if she's constantly watching DS in case he hurts another child, especially a baby? Imagine how angry you'd be if you left your baby with a minder and picked them up with an injury!

She does have the right to terminate and it sounds like it's best for all.

Maybe try a bigger nursery with lots of staff and SEN children on roll. They will be better set up for any issues.

You need to do some research on autism, OP.

My DS has it and he's very bright, can make eye contact, will play with other kids and spoke very early in full sentences.

ASD kids don't all present the same.

You'll be doing the right thing speaking to the HV. They will have seen it all before.

Please try not to do the 'denial' thing - it's not what's best for him at all.

Missing the point spectacularly I'm sure (autistic myself!) But why do people keep saying that nipping is biting? It is like a pinch isn't it, with fingers? Hence why the OP referred to her child trying to hold on? I always grew up thinking that a nip was like a pinch at least but maybe it is regional and means biting elsewhere?

Anyway OP, please, PLEASE do speak to your health visitor or GP ASAP! I have two autistic children and didn't realise for ages, because their behaviour seemed totally normal.....well, until my sibling and I both ended up being diagnosed autistic ourselves that is! And I realised I had assumed that many, many things were normal that really weren't.

It is really unusual for two settings to raise concerns like this, as others have said. Many of us have had the opposite experience and had to fight to be believed, especially when masking is involved. Please, please listen to the professionals here. The sooner your child’s needs are identified the better. One of my children is currently suffering hugely because I (and everyone else) missed the fact that they are autistic. Things could have been so much easier had we realised, and responded appropriately, earlier.

Of course but there is often an inference that it's just about early support and children will become much higher functioning .

Yes that's what I thought my son nips and bites ,nipping is like a pinch to me .

This.

We've all made observations about our own children - whether they be advanced or behind, tall, short, good at this, poor at that. But most of us have few others to compare them with.

Nurseries and Childminders have seen more children than we, as parents usually have, and can make observations from a more secure knowledge base.

I’m puzzled at your comment. Nowhere did I say that there was any notion of the child being assessed by age 3. That was the entry age for the group at that time.

The parent in this case refused to have their child assessed. That’s the point I was making.

I’ve seen the same in later stages.

If the parent holds up the process, the child suffers.

"Yes that's what I thought my son nips and bites ,nipping is like a pinch to me" .

Glad it isn't just me! It probably is a regional variation or something like that.....

To clarify, I said that it is really unusual for two settings to raise concerns like this....I would emphasise the "like this".....maybe it would not be unusual once a child is older, or when really obvious needs are involved which are clear to all, including parents, but in this particular situation (such a young age, parents oblivious) it does seem unusual and therefore worth really listening to.

I think nip is one of those words that xan have different meanings in different parts of the country. It definitely means a small bite to me, but the gardening phrase "nip it in the bud" metaphore clearly means to pinch off a growing bud on a plant rather than bite it off.

We had similar in our family. One member has a formal diagnosis of ASD. Two members finally got a diagnosis of ADHD at uni. (They had been diagnosed with dyslexia at school, but had to undergo another assessment at uni for alternative arrangements.)

I got my diagnosis of OCD when I was in my 30s, but it’s since been suggested that I also have ASD. That makes sense, but I’m now in my 6Os. Had I known when I was younger, it would have been helpful.

If you rejected her concerns so boldly maybe that was part of the problem. Its good that your taking some of the advice on board op. If two childcare professionals think there is an issue then there likely is an issue.

Of course she can. She’s a private childminder, not a public service. She can terminate a contract for whatever reason she likes.

She’s not obliged to do business with you just because you want her to. Your whole attitude is so weird.