Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

OP other people have given better advice than I can. I just wanted to add that whatever happens, he is still your beautiful little boy, with all his quirks, strengths and lovable personality traits. A diagnosis will not change him and may have the potential to provide extra support for him and understanding for you. A diagnosis is not a judgment.

I worked in childcare, I remember a mum saying 'you don't get it .. he is only 5' .. but so were the other 29 children in the room (in fact some were only 4).

If the settings are saying he has not met his milestones, he has not met them..

You need to take your blinkers off and get your LO the support they need

Can attest to this. We nipped the aggressive behaviour in the bud and managed it with intervention strategies and sought help. While we could handle it at 2/3yrs, my main concern was it becoming established and then you end up with an unregulated aggressive 16yo who’s 6’2”…

Another boy in the DC’s school is on verge of being asked to leave because the violent behaviour was allowed to develop. Similar level of functioning to my younger son but just hasn’t had the early intervention; it’s so important.

Good luck op.

She can and has given notice. The childminder has identified that the child needs support that she herself cannot give. Reasonable adjustments included. When you’re a lone worker there’s physically only so much you can do. The childminder also needs to take into consideration the needs and support the other children require. Just because a child potentially has special needs doesn’t mean the childminder will be forced to keep caring for the child. She has been very honest and is looking out for all the children, the little boy included.

OP - I had to go through my GP for a referral to a paediatrician/child phycologist. HV, Nursery, Pre-school, Teachers etc all voiced their concerns but were unable to diagnose. Write down a list of all the examples of your DC's behaviour that has been commented on by others as not being typical.
My DC got various referrals during the early years but they would not diagnose him until he was 5.

OP, I totally identify with you!
I was in your position. It is now 8 years later, and I don't know what I was so afraid of. I was always justifying everything teachers commented on. Always saying they didn't know him well, and this is true, none knows your child like you, but professionals can spot when a child is not 'typical'. My thinking has completely changed. Get every bit of help going. Get him in the system so that school will be easier for him and you. If he is not assessed and he goes into school, he is likely to be labelled as poorly behaved as there will be no plan in place for him. You will be in and out justifying his behaviour to the school and yourself.There is so much help out there and your son can thrive and be happy. The gap between himself and his peers will close not wide with the proper help.
Although it may feel like you are alone, you are not. Children are being assessed for all sorts left, right and centre. There is no stigma in my experience.

Of course it won’t be malicious. He’s 2.

i know how you feel OP. My youngest was difficult in childcare and one CM we had I know was going to exit him if we hadn’t got somewhere else first. We later had my son assessed and he does have autism. I know it’s so tempting to convince yourself all is well and he’ll grow out of it but if there is a diagnosis to be had best to get the ball rolling. If there’s not and he does need to just grow out of it no harm done x

There are huge benefits to getting your child's needs recognised and funded by the council now. If you leave it to when he is older, the council have more ability to refuse to fund special educational needs and then you will be stuck in tribunals, appeals and paperwork for years. Not doing it early on has caused huge problems for a close friend, their childs life is much much worse at present than if he was in appropriate special school and the stress they have is terrible.

'He just stood on them'
Do you even read what you type? Of course they're not going to want him there if he's standing on other children!

"My baby was at his childminder's and a two year old keeps standing on him . AIBU?"

Ffs, if this is real, give your head a wobble.

You're coming across as pig ignorant and if you continue to ignore this then you're failing your child.

You claim you have listened then say you will keep going till your son settles somewhere which means you haven’t listened.

OP you're forgetting ONE major thing. You know one 2 year old. Your son. Childminders and nursery staff meets 100's. You may think there's nothing wrong with him. The professionals are disagreeing. Please get him assessed asap. And no, it's not normal for a 2 year old to hit others with toys.

Once again, it’s not alarmist OR provocative but totally true. Earlier up the thread, I posted a definition of neglect and several things the OP has said would fit into that definition….sadly. That said, I’m in the firmly not neglectful camp but I can see why people are saying it.

I'm not ignoring anything. I felt like we knew our son better than a childminder of 2 weeks but either way we need to check this out and get some further opinions on him and his development. No need to be so rude.

Hope you find the support you need - the HV is your first port of call but also your GP and look at your local council website under the phrase 'local offer'.

A poster upthread mentioned Opportunity Playgroups. I searched them and they look pretty amazing:

Opportunity Playgroup - About Us

I am not sure that they are everywhere but this one is in Cambridge and they seem to be in a few places.

It's not that the cm or nursey know your child better it's that they know what average 2 year olds are like better. Do you have friends or family with children around your sons age.

In fairness to that poster up until this point there was very little acknowledgment of finding help for your son and it was more like pinpointing blame on the childcare provider.

I'm saying this as a professional with 20 years (almost) experience! It’s pretty clear within a day whether a child has needs or not let alone two weeks, which is sufficient! You’ve told us the CM has witnessed your son ‘standing’ on babies! I’d say within two and a half years most kids know that isn’t acceptable!

Have you had your son’s 27 month check with the HV yet OP? It’s really hard to figure out what’s typical development and what isn’t at that age. I have a child with SEN so can really empathise. It’s definitely worth pursuing as it’s been highlighted by two different settings now. Hope you find the right place for him soon OP

What an extraordinary post. If two childcare settings who had experience with hundreds of children between them advised me this about my daughter id be really worried for her and wanting to get her the right support asap. I wouldn’t be blaming the messenger. OP your mindset is bizarre and worrying…

With all due respect, it wasn't just the child minder was it? You said the nursery mentioned signs of autism.
It doesn't necessarily need to be a sen setting, my son thrived in a private nursery with one to one. He's now in mainstream school with one to one.
You may find the HV a waste of time, mine was. I raised concerns and they went nowhere. I went to the GP for a referral. I suspect HV have enough on their plates so they tend to brush off until it becomes a school problem.
Nothing is going to happen until you get the ball rolling, I'd ask the child minders and nursery for documentation and go through the GP. In the meantime, look for settings that can do one on one from the start.

My son had eye contact and great speech etc and got an autism diagnosis he used to just walk around in nursery and not sit down and struggled to play with other children but if we went by fact he had some eye contact he would never have got diagnosis so that’s not always true . I’d trust the child’minder and nursery

Those poor traumatised little babies.