Playing hard to get really does work, it seems :(

[MintAnt]

So I got to know someone through a shared activity. Felt he was interested, he remembered everything I say, he spoke to a couple of people about me positively, he teased me, mild flirting, I saw him looking at me a few times then look away, 2 others at this activity told me he liked me.
I'd already met him around 7 times and we had each others' numbers, we started texting a lot, and at the end of the day he'd say 'talk to you tomorrow '
I'm fully aware men and women can be just good friends but I could see a difference between him and other men.
I suggested coffee one day just the two of us and he was keen, said he'd really liked talking to me and wanted to moreso.
I felt a bit shy when we met, but there were no lulls in the conversation at all, it flew really well. He didn't seem to flirt as such, but he seemed a bit nervous too.
Anyway at the end he told me it had been great and we'd definitely do it after the activity again.
I wasn't sure if I'd given just friends vibes or more, I had completely matched his energy but because I'd been a little shy maybe he thought I wasn't interested.
On the (bad) advice of friends, I texted him the next day, suggesting I'd love to go on more of a date.
He changed like night and day. Said he'd let me know, I said that was fine, and he never did.
Seen him once at the hobby but we don't text now.
Honestly feel like I gave too much away. I should've waited for him to ask me again, it's my fault. Can anyone offer advice? I am kicking myself tbh.

Sometimes even if someone fancies someone, they have such a low opinion of themselves that someone fancying them back puts them off! I know it’s counter intuitive , but they literally think, ‘’If she/he likes me, there must be something wrong with them for not having better taste!’’ It could be that, or maybe he does like you but you were too much, too soon and putting too much pressure on for his liking.

It doesn’t sound to me by your OP as if you did misread the signals, but I guess none of us really know if you imagined it as were not you. Either way, OP. It’s not you, it’s him!

Despite the reputation that AIBU has, you've all been fantastic honestly, thank you so much.

Don’t do this. Just ignore him from now on.

Op, I’m sorry this happened to you. Matthew Perry talks about this in his autobiography. He was always chasing down women for dates and relationships, and the moment they showed genuine interest, he backed off. He put it down to ‘Mommy issues’.

Whatever the issue here with this guy, it wasn’t you. I don’t believe he didn’t fancy you. It’s rare for hetero men to flirt with and stare at a woman for a period of time, and then meet with her one-on-one, and the whole time thinking this is a friendship thing. It happens the other way around where women’s friendship is mistaken for something more, but very rarely men’s. Men simply don’t give their time to women they are not interested in. So, he was interested. Possibly too interested. And for whatever reason, he has felt the need to cool it. The reason is his. It’s possible, the only way to make him feel interested forever was for you to be indifferent forever to his attentions. And that’s just silly. Let him go and find someone with a healthier mindset.

Ar the end I said she should maybe just forget about him.

These threads always surprise me at just how quick we generally are as females to immediately think it’s something we’ve done to change what we perceive as a guy’s opinion on us.

OP, maybe he’s got hang ups from a previous relationship and has suddenly gotten cold feet due to that. Maybe the flirting was an ego boost for him and he gained that from your meeting. Maybe he’s already involved with someone. I appreciate none of those options are nice as such but the point is, none of those things are because of you as a person. Please don’t feel confused or grieve what ‘could have been’.

I think he was interested in you romantically but changed his mind, for some reason known only to him, during or just after the coffee date. I certainly don't think he was put off by you suggesting another "date". If he liked you he would have been pleased at your suggestion. I'd just put it down to one of those dates that came to nothing, no fault on either side, just one of those things. You thought it went well, maybe he didn't. I'd just say hello to him as normal when you see him at the activity and treat him like you treat everyone else there. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Thank you everyone. The thread has been very helpful as people have been fair, honest and not just told me what I've wanted to hear, I appreciate it.
You are right, if he was interested in more, he wouldn't have been put off because I texted suggesting a bloody film.
If I'd texted saying 'I want to marry you' then yeah I could understand 🤣
I'll try not to let it put me off approaching other men, but I'll make sure it's equal from both sides.

You sound like a lovely person with a good sense of humour. The right one will come along eventually and they'll be absolutely thrilled when you suggest a date. Don't let this put you off!

Thank you 🥰

It doesn’t sound like you were too full on at all. You were honest about wanting a second date. He decided he didn’t want to. Absolutely fine on both sides (albeit not nice for you- been there many times and I get it!).