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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I broke wind on the massage table

116 replies

oopsO · 15/03/2024 21:20

I'm so embarrassed.

My long time massage therapist had to put pressure on my lower back and it just came out.

I've spoken to her about all sorts in the 4 years she's been treating my back pain. I quite enjoy going to see her.

I'm mortified and I can't go back, can I?!

OP posts:
bathinginbeans · 16/03/2024 16:05

I farted at a funeral. It echoed around the church. I spent the rest of the service trying not to laugh with embarrassment. It was not my best moment.

suburburban · 16/03/2024 16:06

MrsArcher23 · 15/03/2024 22:09

Why do males of all ages laugh and cheer at a fart (whether 18 months, 8 years, 18 or even 80) but women are embarrassed?
I enjoy my weekly Pilates class but there's a certain stage in the class where I have to focus on not farting. Based on the squeaks I hear around me, I'm not the only one...

I know

I worry about this whilst doing yoga

I would be mortified

Properchips · 16/03/2024 16:07

HighCortisolIsMyName · 15/03/2024 21:24

No your right you cant go back, shes already wrote on your file "Farty McFart Pants" and shes currently drinking a glass of wine whilst laughing to her friends about it. This will go down in history

🤣🤣🤣

Or, more likely, shes probably already forgot as 4 more people have farted near her today

😂😁😂

Tagyoureit · 16/03/2024 16:12

I farted in my midwife's face! 🙈

Properchips · 16/03/2024 16:12

MeOldBamboo · 16/03/2024 12:34

I think it was maybe more my disruptive laughter than the actual fart itself. I was laughing so much I couldn’t stand! It’s got me into trouble on more than one occasion which usually involves some sort of wind.

Crying! 😂

This thread has made me howl.

Farts are never not funny - unless it's a particularly rancid one from which there is no escape.

HoboSexualOnslow · 16/03/2024 16:21

I woke myself up by farting loudly on the massage table, I was embarrassed but also so relaxed 😅
I'm training to be a massage therapist and it wouldn't bother me at all. Nor would hairy legs .

Chaiilatte · 16/03/2024 16:27

Well at least you actually did one. My massage therapist thinks I farted when I didn't! I was too embarrassed to correct her after she said "please don't worry" so just let her think the noise was a a fart and went along with it.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 16/03/2024 16:59

Applescruffle · 15/03/2024 21:27

Once I farted in the back of a taxi, it was silent so I thought I had got away with it. Unfortunately it smelt. I sat in the back praying the smell wouldn't reach the driver in the front but then he silently would the window down. It was a cold, wet day. There is no other reason he would have wound it down.
Normally I chat to the drivers but that was the longest, most silent taxi ride of my life.
I now use a different firm so I have to feel guilty not only at gassing an innocent man but in the loss of profits to a good company who served me well for years.

Anyway, hopefully you don't feel so alone now

Do you feel better for telling us that @Applescruffle 😁

I feel it might be something you've been bursting to let out (sorry)

User19792 · 16/03/2024 17:09

My friend farted in a new man's face as he went down on her for the first time. They're married now. Chill.

nonumbersinthisname · 16/03/2024 17:15

I grew up in a “farts are normal” household, whereas I don’t think DH has ever consciously farted in front of me. (In his sleep however… Grin).

Our elderly cat has developed a nasty SBD habit, which is particularly obnoxious when she’s sleeping on your knee. Never smelt anything like it, and she never ever acknowledges it. Unlike dogs who at least have the grace to turn round, look at their arse and act a bit embarassed.

Harrriet · 16/03/2024 17:17

@Minimili 🤣🤣🤣🤣 @ your daughter saying bless you!

boonr · 16/03/2024 17:27

@Applescruffle I am crying 🤣🤣🤣

Topseyt123 · 16/03/2024 17:32

I tend to fart when I get up every morning. I think they brew overnight and then explode when I get up

On several occasions I have woken DH up before his alarm goes if I have got out of bed first. 🤣🤣

It's great fun. Farts are hilarious. 🤣🤣

My parents used to have farting competitions when I was growing up. Farts were part of life and you didn't hide from them.

Burntmyback · 16/03/2024 17:47

@Applescruffle 🤣🤣🤣 at the poor taxi driver opening his window without a word, I'm sure he will have had worse though!

dudsville · 16/03/2024 17:56

OP, i dreamed last night the Boris climbed into bed with me and dh and proceededto fart a lot. What got me, in the dream, was his sense of privilege that he could just fart so much and expect to be accepted, no apology, just endless farting. If you see what i mean, it wasn't the act of farting that was the problem, it was the behaviour around the farting. You're fine. Dream Boris on the other hand is in my bad books.

Winter2020 · 16/03/2024 18:01

Your thread title made me laugh out loud so I think some good has come from this incident - you are cheering up the people of mumsnet. You are only human OP - no harm done.

LordPercyPercy · 16/03/2024 18:22

I once went into work early to get caught up, and thought I had the office to myself. Which was a relief as I'd eaten a lot of tofu the night before and the pain and bloating were really troubling me, so it was a chance to get a bit of relief, as it were.
Except someone else had come in too, quietly, and was behind me getting a file. Unfortunately my relief was pungent and I became aware of them only when I heard the shocked choking noise. He looked truly appalled as he scurried away from my desk.

Jifmicroliquid · 16/03/2024 18:40

CatWithNoTeeth · 16/03/2024 16:02

I once farted insidiously at a bus stop. The student near me obviously smelled it. I gave her a look, aiming for 'oh wow what is that smell' hoping she would think it came from elsewhere. Unfortunately what I actually achieved was a 'it was ME' weird grin while staring her directly in the eyes creepily. The look of utter horror on her face stays with me today.

I have just inhaled my dinner and nearly choked to death 😂😂

Rockaroundthexmastree · 16/03/2024 18:53

If it helps - I massage horses for a living and they continuously fart all the way through a session, and always let rip when I’m elbow deep in their hamstrings so right by my face ☺️

IHateLegDay · 16/03/2024 18:56

I once queefed in my exes face when he was going down on me. I looked under the covers and he was pulling this face 😳
I quietly got up, put on my dressing gown and left the room.

HappiestSleeping · 16/03/2024 19:00

IHateLegDay · 16/03/2024 18:56

I once queefed in my exes face when he was going down on me. I looked under the covers and he was pulling this face 😳
I quietly got up, put on my dressing gown and left the room.

Was that the moment he became an ex? If so, he was a complete lightweight. 🤣

catinthetinhat · 16/03/2024 19:07

I've farted whilst being waxed. I apologised, she said it's ok but I've never forgotten and it's many many years later.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 16/03/2024 19:09

IHateLegDay · 16/03/2024 18:56

I once queefed in my exes face when he was going down on me. I looked under the covers and he was pulling this face 😳
I quietly got up, put on my dressing gown and left the room.

If he was managing to get air up there whilst going down on you, then he was doing it wrong anyway.

incognito50me · 16/03/2024 19:16

Tagyoureit · 16/03/2024 16:12

I farted in my midwife's face! 🙈

The final act of my only birthing experience was farting in the young, handsome doctor's face while he was stitching up my episiotomy. I did not know it was coming and would not have been able to hold it in in any case.

I apologized but I did not really care that much at that point - a 36 hour labor where, by the end there, I would wake myself up with snores between contractions. It was not a dignified, tv show like, labor scene.