to think you'd have to be insanely naive to believe paedophiles DON'T target single mothers?

[ZoeCM]

I've seen this several times - not just on MN, but on other parenting sites as well. Poster asks when she should mention to a man she's interested in that she has kids, as she doesn't want to attract paedophiles. The other posters act as though she's some sort of paranoid nutter.

Why the hell wouldn't child abusers seek out single mothers? It's got to be the single easiest way to get access to a child. He dates the mother, asks her to move in after a year or two, and then he's literally living with a child. How many women are going to refuse to leave their child alone in the house with their partner/husband now and then?

There's far less safeguarding involved in moving in with a family than there is working with children. And if a child tells their mother that their teacher/football coach/whoever has abused them, the mother will go straight to the police. If they tell her their stepdad abused them, a lot of women will be torn.

It's well-documented that there are so many people out there who were sexually abused by their stepfathers growing up, so why do people act as though this is an urban legend? Is it guilt/denial about the risks of bringing an unrelated man into your children's home?

I always post this link on threads like the ones you're talking about. It's an interview with an undercover cop who infiltrated a paeodophile group for 10 years. He said the number one method for them to gain access to children was to groom the parents too.

ALL women thinking about moving a potential step dad into their kids lives should watch this. Scrap that, all women should watch it.

Of course they do. It’s quick and easy.

As a single mum, the only part of your post I disagree with is about mothers being torn if there are abuse allegations. I would never, never not believe my child and I would go to the police immediately.

The rest is spot on though, and the reason that I will never introduce another man to my children let alone move in with one!

It just doesn't make any sense to withhold this information from a dating perspective. I don't think people don't understand the risk.

I literally clicked on this thread to mention that video! I couldn't remember the name though. Very informative and I saw it on here too.

It's very very eye opening isn't it @Fallenangelofthenorth ? I saw it on here too and always post a link to it now.

@NuffSaidSam It does makes sense for the peodophile to withhold the information. Most women wouldn't date someone who admitted to being a peodophile surely?

Ok sexual predators seek out siblings, single females, their own children, other children, children they teach, children they are grandparent to and children they date

Pedophile is an awful term, if you look up the meaning.

Sex offenders have a preference but not a type- a domestically violent rapist may also target children as it's the opportunity and vulnerability over preference.

Boys in domestically violent house holds are far more likely to be sex offenders- most sex offenders have this background, statistically.

It's easy to victim blame, makes you feel better and that it won't happen to you and your kids, but it could, easily.

It doesn't make sense to withhold the information that you have children. That's what the OP is talking about, not mentioning when you date someone that you have children.

I suppose it comes down to the potential risks. From a dating perspective, the potential risk is that you waste the time of an unknown man who might not want a relationship with someone who had kids and invest in a relationship with no future. The potential risk of effectively advertising that you have children to anyone with an email address would seem much more serious, so I think it's fair to question why you would volunteer that information at an early stage.

It's not the man's time you're wasting, it's yours. Presumably, if you're a single parent you don't have loads of time to go on dates. If you're dating in the first place, you presumably want a relationship. It makes sense to be honest as soon as possible so you don't waste your time.

Your children aren't at risk from a sex offender simply by him knowing you have kids, it's the next steps where the safeguarding comes in i.e. not introducing them for a long time!

After all, everyone with eyes who lives near you knows you have kids. Everyone. All the paedophiles, they all know. It's the lack of access that keeps your kids safe, not hiding the fact they exist.

I read a statistic yesterday that 6% of csa is carried out by stepfathers. Saying that, 5% is by bio parents so children are only slightly more likely to be abused by a stepfather than their actual father.

What about men who aren't stepfathers but who live in the family home as the mothers boyfriend @Menomeno do they have stats for that?

The man that repeatedly raped me when I was a teenager was married to a woman with a child ( I was the child's baby sitter) . Turned out that he was raping me, and also raping his step daughter every single day from age 7 to adult hood and when he was found guilty it turned out he'd done it to the kids of previous single mother he had married and done prison time for it.

I think you are overstating the risk of an unrelated man when actually related men can abuse too.

Pedophile is an awful term, if you look up the meaning.

Why?

Yes, their mum having a boyfriend isn’t the only way children are sexually abused- that doesn’t mean it’s sensible to add to the risk by inviting unknown men into your home.

The killer of Bennylyn and Jellica Burke wrote an algorithm to pick out single mothers from dating websites.

Yes I’ve read that too recently.

It does have to be remembered though that all the abuse is under reported.

You're right, I think most mums would go straight to the police. Not all of them, though, sadly.

@Peekaboobo

https://www.csacentre.org.uk/research-resources/key-messages/intra-familial-csa/

This has lots of statistics.

I bet he did.

Absolutely, the single biggest risk to a child is mum's new boyfriend. Unfortunately, when you work with vulnerable and damaged kids you see it over and over again 😪

The fact someone would deny that is weird

Plenty of people contact prison residents to start up relationships, even some prison staff.

What's the definition of step father? Mum's latest boyfriend is probably a bigger risk than someone who's actually taken on a proper parenting role/married her.

I'm not denying that there's a risk from people other than stepfathers, I'm just saying that it's an extremely effective (probably the most effective) way to get easy access to a child.