Autistic 6 year old at a funeral?

[SenQuestion]

More of a what would you do?

My son has autism with a language delay and emotional/ behaviour issues.
My husbands grandmother has just died. My husband has told our son and my son just keeps repeating "daddies grandmother has died". When we watched the queens funeral, my son asked where the queen is, and then kept repeating "the queen is in the box". If we took him to ther funeral he would likely say and repeat things like this. He is very delayed socially and very behind his peers with language. He also doesn't like change and can get bored and overwhelmed. There are days at school were he runs out of the classroom and down the corridor and has meltdowns.

Would you take him to a funeral? I am unsure. I also don't want members of my husbands family judging my son for something he cant help/ understand.

No I wouldn’t take him at 6 anyway unless you were totally stuck

Sorry but this would be a no-brainer for me.

If you have alternative childcare I definetly wouldn't. Could be a stressful situation and don't think he'd benefit from it.
My autistic son hasn't attended my sister, dad or grandparents funerals and hes none the wiser about them tbh.

We also have a 1 year old. I am fine staying home to look after them both and my husband just goes to the funeral.
In this situation do you think that is the best option?

Mostly no but it does depend on the funeral and who was going to be there. My great aunt who was matron of a children’s hospital, yes, it would have made sense and nobody there would have judged you or your child. Most funerals, I would avoid it not only because of not wanting to be judged but some people without much experience of SEN would potentially find ds’s behaviour distressing or disrespectful and a funeral is not the moment to educate them.

With a SEN 6 year old and a toddler I wouldn’t take either, I’d be worried about causing disruption.
Very bereft people are not always at their most reasonable or accepting

No I wouldn’t. Surely it’s on a school day and he can just go as normal so you can attend the funeral with the baby?

I wouldn’t take the six-year-old, even if he wasn’t autistic.

I have a SEN 7 year old and I wouldnt take him to any funeral, even as a close family member.

Tell them you will skip the funeral ceremony but you will attend afterwards (if there is a gathering etc) where the atmosphere will generally be more relaxed and no fear of a ceremony being disrupted.

We didn't take my Son, no SEN but just think much for children I really think. Let DH go alone .you stay with DC

Why are you thinking of taking him? I wouldn’t ever take a six year old to a funeral.

Why would you?

I wouldn’t take either of them, no.
Even without extra needs, I think 6 and 1 is too young for a funeral. But if you’re almost sure that he will be fidgeting or tying to run around, the other mourners will find it distracting and potentially upsetting if he’s saying inappropriate things.
If it was me, I’d let DH go alone and you stay home with the kids.

I wouldn’t take any child to a funeral.

I wouldn't take any child to a funeral either. Maybe you could go the wake afterwards?

I wouldn't take any 6 year old to a funeral.
He's not going to benefit from it and may get distressed with the sitting silently in a new crowded place, people being emotional and him not fully understanding what's going on.

I’m not sure why you would take him

So I wouldn’t

Sorry for your loss.
Best scenario would be if it’s in the school day- very likely and you go to support your husband. And take your baby, sounds like the departed was elderly and there’s something beautifully affirming about new life/ long life.

Why would you take him? I wouldn't take any 6 years old to a funeral.

It depends. What are the cultural norms surrounding funerals where you live? From reading mn I see that people in the UK treat funerals very differently to people in Ireland for example. In Ireland nobody would bat an eyelid at a child commenting that there was someone "in a box", and at 6yrs old attending a funeral is likely not be a new experience for them.

It really depends on family/cultural norms. My DNs have attended both of their grandparents funerals. First time they were all under 3 and the second time they were 4-9ish. They were at the very back of the church and could be wisked out if there were any issues. TBH it was nice to have children about.

I'm sorry for your loss, do what works best for your husband and your family.

Did he know and care about the Grandma?

If yes I would take him to the funeral. He has as much right to say goodbye as everyone else. I've always taken my kids to immediate family funerals if they knew the person well a soon as they were old enough to sit. I don't take them if they didn't know the family member well.

If the answer is no he didn't really know the grandma then I'd not take him or just take him to wake if no childcare.

I wouldn't take any 6 year old to a funeral.

I'm not taking my 22 yr old ds with asd to a funeral of someone he loved as he is processing it via Kenny on South Park and will say things the family will find hurtful. Dont take them

Yes. I'm really not a fan of taking young children to funerals, especially if they don't understand what's happening.