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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christening DC if not religious

154 replies

ChoccieEgg49 · 14/03/2024 13:50

Friends of ours seem to Christen their DC although don't go to church. Neither seem religious that I'm aware of anyway.

I just wondered what people's thoughts are on this. Is it grabby for gifts etc, or fine, you don't need to be religious/a churchgoer?

I always assumed it was a religious thing, but maybe I'm wrong or times have changed 💁‍♀️

I'm not being judgy - just genuinely unsure

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 14/03/2024 13:51

To me, it's a religious thing, so we didn't bother.

Growlybear83 · 14/03/2024 13:53

I can't understand why anyone would christen a child if they are not religious. It's like people who get married in a church when they aren't Christians. I'm an atheist and it would never have occurred to me to have my daughter christened, and I would have felt incredibly hypocritical if I had stood in a church when I got married and made vows to a god I don't believe in.

Revelatio · 14/03/2024 13:53

Well you are being judgy, and you’re also asking others to be judgy too.

It sounds like you don’t know whether they are religious or not anyway?

If friends of mine invited random strangers to judge my parenting, I certainly wouldn’t be friends with them after.

Hermittrismegistus · 14/03/2024 13:53

I think it's disrespectful to Christen children if you have no intention of raising them in the Christian faith.

Revelatio · 14/03/2024 13:54

You could also just ask them and save trial by internet.

Umpapapa · 14/03/2024 13:54

Maybe the family have historically been religious and it's a way to give the child a bit of cultural identity or perhaps it's to get them into schools down the road or just an excuse to have an introduction of the child to friends/ family party as a christening party seems more acceptable then a 'sip and see' party.
It is slightly hypocritical but it's gives them a base foundation of faith and the church will always welcome a child into the fold

DelurkingAJ · 14/03/2024 13:54

We did because my lovely DPIL are church goers and it was important to them. The vicar knew I was ‘heathen’ (thanks DMIL) and I didn’t say the vows. We picked godparents who are active Christians.

Wedontopenyet · 14/03/2024 13:55

I think people do it for traditional reasons- maybe they were baptised, or their family expect it, or they're just so happy with their new bundle and want to celebrate that.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/03/2024 13:55

It's bizarre to christen a child if you're not Christian. Why not just have a naming ceremony or similar, if you want to throw a party.

Illpickthatup · 14/03/2024 13:56

My brother christened my nephews but hasn't been to church for years. He did it to appease his partner's family who also don't attend church. Makes no sense to me either.

Eleganz · 14/03/2024 13:56

Is this in the Church of England or another denomination? Canon Law in the CofE means that anyone in the parish can request a baptism for their child. Personally I don't see the value of it if you are not religious, but it is the way it is. For other denominations I'm not sure what the rules are.

Our parish church gets lots of baptisms and weddings where we will never see the people involved again, but I suppose it is better than them never setting foot in church in the first place.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/03/2024 13:57

Plenty of people believe in God and would think of themselves as Christian even if they don’t practice their faith or go to church regularly. I have Muslim and Hindu friends who don’t pray five times a day / have shrines to the gods at home or appear to be overtly Muslim / Hindu, but I don’t sneer at them when they have religious marriages or go to mosque / temple for the big events.

I doubt very much a Christening is for gifts: Christening gifts are generally keepsakes and tokens.

PlantDoctor · 14/03/2024 13:58

I think some people do it as a tradition, but I find it a little hypocritical when they aren't Christian. Then again, neither am I and I celebrate Christmas, so who am I to talk?

Newnamesameoldlurker · 14/03/2024 13:58

For some people their religion is part of the cultural heritage they want to pass down to their child even if they're not regular church goers. It won't be for the gifts, the cost of hosting a christening would probably cancel out the value of gifts. I think you're being a bit judgy

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 14/03/2024 13:59

It's not grabby but it sounds like it may be more about tradition to them they about religion. Or perhaps they are a little bit religious. I don't think you have to go to church every week to christen your child.

Maddy70 · 14/03/2024 14:00

We did it because it's a family tradition and a chance for the family to get together

Would i do it now? No

Notthatcatagain · 14/03/2024 14:00

Maybe look up the words of the baptism service and think about the promises that you will be asked to make. Then decide if it's for you. Don't worry about gifts they are almost always pretty grim

Katherineryan1986 · 14/03/2024 14:01

My DH comes from a very religious background but left many years before we had children.
Therefore we felt it would be hypocritical to have them christened.
We had naming days for them where family and friends came and celebrated with us in the garden and we had a bbq etc. it was nice and informal

DuploTrain · 14/03/2024 14:03

I don’t agree with it either, but I think people do it as a kind of family gathering / celebration of the child’s birth.

I think your assumption people are doing it just for gifts is bizarre.. surely they would be spending more than the value of the gifts on the buffet afterwards. It would be a lot of hassle for a few presents.

Original poster
ChoccieEgg49 · 14/03/2024 14:05

Revelatio · 14/03/2024 13:53

Well you are being judgy, and you’re also asking others to be judgy too.

It sounds like you don’t know whether they are religious or not anyway?

If friends of mine invited random strangers to judge my parenting, I certainly wouldn’t be friends with them after.

Why am I being judgy? As far as I'm aware, and they're pretty good friends, I've never known either of them to be religious. I just wondered if times have changed over the years and more people have DC christened now, even though not particularly religious themselves? Genuine question. No judgement from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChoccieEgg49 · 14/03/2024 14:08

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 14/03/2024 13:59

It's not grabby but it sounds like it may be more about tradition to them they about religion. Or perhaps they are a little bit religious. I don't think you have to go to church every week to christen your child.

Yes you could be right. Maybe some do it as a tradition type thing or a family gathering. I was always brought up to beleive it was a religious event, but I'm wondering if nowadays it's more of a gathering situ.

OP posts:
Revelatio · 14/03/2024 14:08

@ChoccieEgg49

If they are good friends, then just ask them? At least you’ll know for sure. You are literally inviting judgement on their parenting decisions. That’s judgy.

Original poster
ChoccieEgg49 · 14/03/2024 14:10

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/03/2024 13:55

It's bizarre to christen a child if you're not Christian. Why not just have a naming ceremony or similar, if you want to throw a party.

I agree. I'd rather have a naming ceremony, I'd understand that more. I wouldn't marry in a church as I'm not religious and I'd feel hypocritical. I guess some do though and each to their own I suppose.

OP posts:
doppelganger2 · 14/03/2024 14:12

it's just as silly as marrying in church when you are not religious (far more common) but each to their own. It doesn't hurt anyone, does it?

ExtraOnions · 14/03/2024 14:17

I’m Catholic .. our associated Catholic Primary is very good, and the Catholic High School it feeds into in also very good and oversubscribed.

We have parents who get their children baptised, to get into the primary school