Christening DC if not religious

[ChoccieEgg49]

Friends of ours seem to Christen their DC although don't go to church. Neither seem religious that I'm aware of anyway.

I just wondered what people's thoughts are on this. Is it grabby for gifts etc, or fine, you don't need to be religious/a churchgoer?

I always assumed it was a religious thing, but maybe I'm wrong or times have changed 💁‍♀️

I'm not being judgy - just genuinely unsure

Paper Dolls I was aware that the church provided the land but the facts I gave was how they were when I was there in the 70’s & 80’s and my two daughters were in 90’s and early 2000 upto leaving.

Yes- there is variation in interpretation. Some definitely argue that infant baptism is good, but not necessary (based on a move away from Catholic tradition at the reformation I think).

To my reading the ‘good but not necessary’ interpretation seems correct- but that isn’t the one I’ve ever heard expressed by clergy.

Personally I think ‘good (ish) people go to Heaven whatever they do or don’t believe religion wise’, and I don’t think I really believe in hell as an actual entity at all…

@Screamingabdabz if they see it as something sacred then they have some kind of faith however they might choose to practice, which makes it ok. If they don't see it as sacred , then it's just going through the motions for tradition's sake or whatever reason (same way some people marry in various religious ceremonies) . If they're atheists they wouldn't really see the issue anyway as it wouldn't be something "so sacred" to them.

@IngridPrice has somewhat of a point- The RC church does expect parents to pay towards ‘land costs’ or ‘building funds’ for schools-

at DS school it was £40 per child (can’t remember if it was termly or what)- given to the school to be handed on to the parish.

It isn’t forced, just one of those things they ask for, like food donations or collection money.

I think a lot of ppl that I know Just do it for

1. a party
2. they were christened themselves
3. to get into a Catholic school

my DH is Catholic but not practicing. I myself do not believe so neither of my kids have been christened. Should they choose to join a faith as an adult/teenager then I will support their choice but I feel it’s their choice to make.

@IngridPrice ,interesting since cofunding of catholic schools started in 1944. Unless you're not in England, in which case I apologise.

@yourenottgebossoofme I don't disagree on that point. DD's primary asked for it (went up to £60 a term-from £60 a year when she started which we always paid- ..yeah right!) and her high school also asks for it. However, that's for the 10% or extras, not the whole thing.

My atheist wife said she wasn’t bothered because it was all made up and meaningless- she said the only meaning to her was in the fact it was important to me, so she would do it to honour that.

Yes exactly, sorry I thought you were saying they never asked for any money.

I think we are on the same page then!
In my experience, many Anglican clergy don't agree with infant baptism being necessary though.

We didn't christen our children.
Religion means nothing to us. However, I find it bizarre that people want Christenings when they never set foot inside a church.

Yes, each to their own but to me it sounds like an Insta moment or a present grabbing moment.

Religious families may wish to ignore what I've said.

So I never went to Church as a child however my brother and I were both christened. My brother grew up atheist and I grew up believing in 'something' but not sure what. My sister was not and still had not been christened, yet attended church regularly! My mother is a firm believer that God created the world, Dad not so much. Mum believes that God only gives us what we can handle, Dad believes there can be no God when there's so much suffering in the world.

My parents were married in a church, I was later christened in that church and my husband and I were married there. To me, it was really important that my marriage was a religious ceremony. My husband is atheist.

When our son was born, I reconnected with my faith in God and started to go to church as I wanted to explore having my son christened. It felt like the right thing to do and my husband supported it. He was happy to come to church with me but I wanted to go on my own to explore my faith again and we had meetings with our local vicar and agreed to have our son christened.

I think different people have different journeys and just because you don't 'think' they're Christian, doesn't mean they're not.

I don’t remember in some cases these so called donations being resquests at times but more like demands from the RC schools, especially if you gave one child one week the donation one week and not the other child till the following some teachers tried putting them in detention for forgetting 😡

I think if you're not prepared to bring your dch up as Christians then it's hypocritical to get them baptised - along the lines of taking your marriage vows with no intention of being faithful. I went to my first CofE baptism recently and found what they were expected to promise a bit alarming! Personally, I wouldn't be able to agree to all that if I wasn't prepared to see it through, and go to church etc.

This is the parents of the children paying, not the church. Most schools encourage parents to donate money to the school to enhance provision, often in ways that make parents think it’s pretty much mandatory. Schools with better off intakes tend to ask for and receive more money from parents. That church schools often do it to a greater extent is just another example of their abuse of their ability to discriminate and manipulate their intake in a way that hoards provision for the better off.

@yourenottgebossoofme & @IngridPrice Sorry, I’ve directed that post at the wrong people.

Oh year everyone wants 20 silver money boxes! How would it be grabby?

People may believe but not attend church, if you feel strongly don't attend. 🤷‍♀️

DH and I aren't religious but have christened DD1 and DD2 will be christened at Easter.
His family are religious (sister is a vicar) so we do the church ceremony for them and the get together afterwards for us.
It's a nice occasion for both families to come together.

There isn't just one way to be a Christian.

The money goes to the parish, not the school- the parish is asking for the money, not the school.

So the church is paying X amount for the schools, and trying to recoup some of that from the parents.

Having your child baptised does not make them a Christian. It welcomes them into God's family formally and those present( parents, Godparents and congregation and friends) make promises to nurture them and teach them about Christian things.
If they later decide they believe this, they are' confirmed'. So they confirm that they actually want to continue along the path their parents have chosen for them .
Some Christian parents choose to wait for their children to decide they want to be baptized themselves but as baptism is symbolic, personally I don't think it matters when it happens.
In my experience, most families coming to the church for baptism have a pretty good reason. One of the parents may have a strong faith but stopped going to church as partner dies not go. Some families have a strong tradition of baptism at local parish church where all the family have been Christened for hundreds of years. I think it would be quite unusual for a couple who were both atheists or even agnostic to ask for their child to be baptised.

My husband- very much a nominal Christian- was keen to get our DC christened as that was his tradition. I was reluctant but as it was important to him, it was done. We had to an attend preparation class and were offered a naming ceremony if we knew we couldn't say the words in faith and I was thrilled. But then it made me start thinking about if there was a God or not and I went on to experience a wonderful encounter with Him. I became a Christian. My DH's faith has increased and we are both involved in our lovely church community. That gives us a lot of joy.

So it can work the other way round sometimes!

I am an atheist, and would never have had a church wedding or wanted a church funeral.

There was a little bit of prejudice in me that baulked a bit at not christening my DC though. I didn't do it, as it would be completely irrational. But it still felt a bit wrong

Deep down, I definitely had ingrained sub-conscious bias based on the observations I made as a child, that classmates who were christened had working parents, and classmates who weren't had chaotic home situations.

Yes, thank you. I am a Christian. I wasn't baptised as a baby, but as an adult (just to illustrate your point). But my point is that if you're going to do the CofE baptism thing, which presumably this refers to, then you should be prepared to follow it through. Otherwise it's like - I dunno - walking into a birthday party, picking a cherry off the cake, and walking out. Anyway, I don't really care. People are free to choose to behave in a way that aligns with their conscience. At least it gets them through the church doors, I suppose.

I am not a church goer but my partner is so our kiddos were christened

Growing up lots of my friends and family had weddings and christenings in church but are non attendees

now there are nice alternatives to church dos using a church for such events has massively dwindled