I don’t want to do this any more

[Namechangeforthiss]

I have 2 children. One in reception one is 11 months.

I am the most stressed and miserable I have ever been in my life, and have been since the youngest turned 4 months.

The house is a mess no matter how much I clean and tidy. It rains all day every day so going anywhere is fucking impossible (90% of the kids stuff here is outdoors and the rest is expensive). The kids just cry, tantrum, fight sleep, follow me around, the oldest nags me senseless and just talks at me 24/7.

The baby had his settling in at nursery last week and is already ill and on antibiotics. I have my first day back at work tomorrow and fuck knows if I’ll even be able to go. Probably not. DP took parental leave last week when he was ill so I could run some essential errands and go to a meeting. So I guess tomorrow will be on me.

I don’t sleep. The baby wakes constantly and is up for the day at 5-6am. It’s worse now he’s unwell.

I just don’t want to do any of this any more. I don’t feel cut out to be a parent. My emotional reserves are at an all time low, I’m impatient, shouty and stressed all the time, not to mention exhausted.

To stave off the inevitable suggestions I have nobody I can ask to watch them. We’ve tried sleep training. I don’t want to ‘lower my standards’ because who wants a crawling baby on a dirty floor or mess everywhere? What exactly am I supposed to neglect - clean clothes, clean crockery, clean floors, clean bedding?

DP pulls his weight but it’s not enough. We’re both constantly dealing with the kids or cleaning up after them.

I just want to close my eyes and not wake up a lot of the time.

OP, didn’t want to read and run. Your youngest is at a tough age and it’s a tricky gap at the minute with your eldest probably wanting to do lots of active stuff which your youngest can’t get involved in due to crawling. I think you will find it so much easier when the youngest is walking meow confidently and by that stage we’ll be in proper spring / summer. The weather has been totally miserable and would get anyone down. In the meantime please speak to your GP if you haven’t already and get some help in the form of talking therapy, medication, or both.

Wishing you well. Hang in there, it will get better.

You absolutely can let the house get dirty. You can also brutally declutter so there's less "stuff" to look after.

You can put away 80% of all clothes and just keep the bare minimum clothes and wash those.

You can get a dishwasher so you get back the time and effort (and arguments!) wasted on dishes. Put away 80% of your plates, pans, cups etc too. Just have 1 per person and re use them.

You can focus on what really matters to you and bin off the rest. When youngest is older things will look different and you will have more time and heads pace. Don't sweat it. Just do what you must to get through this.

Ps. Also sleep deprivation is very, very challenging, and something that people whose kids sleep well cannot understand. Do whatever you need to in order to get by but there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Please talk to your GP and your health visitor, and show them what you wrote her. You need support. Sleep deprivation is awful.

I’m so sorry
I have felt the same it’s shit! The weather definaltley is not helping anyone!!
I’m Ill also as is so many people that I know at the moment so many horrible bugs around
i have kids similar ages to yours and older ones too! It’s hard,
I just try to get out on my own every day even for a walk around the block or to the supermarket, just to do something on my own!! I have a cleaner now every week and that is a massive help if you could afford one?
can you co sleep or take turns for a lie in? Ear plugs?

100% get it. So many of us feel like this.
mine are now preschool and Year 1 and life is SO much better.
It does get better and it does get easier and you can get some more of your life back once they are both out of the house during the week.

There are strategies for cleaning and prepping to make things easier in the meantime but it’s only small improvements tbh and the only
thing that can solve it, other than a lot of money to buy in help, is time.

My youngest fell asleep at 7 and is ALREADY awake and rolling around the cot grumbling. I don’t even get an evening. This will be it now every hour all fucking night

I can handle early starts and tough days, but not having an evening and then not sleeping is just fucking brutal - there is literally no window in which to do anything, and I’m permanently on edge

Sound bloody horrendous. No advice sorry.

Thank you everyone for the kind comments

It’s really hard, I’ve definitely struggled this winter with a reception age child and 2 year old. The illnesses have been relentless, and our 2 year old is not a very good sleeper (though better than he was as a baby and doesn’t sound quite as desperate as your situation). Really hoping for better weather as I think it just helps lift the spirits if everyone can get outside. I also find the constant bickering over toys etc with my too so annoying and end up losing my temper far more often than I used to. No advice but I guess you’re not alone! X

No advice but greatest sympathy, my daughter was an awful sleeper and I never got an evening, then when she was asleep I was constantly on edge waiting for her to wake. Didn't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time either so no break there. It's shit and no amount of tips from other people does any good! No one understands unless they've had a similar child.

Knowing I’m not alone really helps. I often think I have 2 healthy children, neither are aggressive or destructive, when they’re in that perfect state of being rested/fed/watered/changed theyre actually delightful. But that window is so so short and then it’s back to the slog - the baby fighting nappy changes, both of them throwing or spilling food, crying, refusing to get in car seats, taking off and throwing their fucking socks so we arrive wherever we are going and members of the public think I’m neglectful because they have no socks on. When they’re actually lying in a country lane 2 miles away.

YES!! The socks, why??? My 2 year old never seems to have any on 😭

Right.

Could you afford a cleaner twice a week just so that's taken care of.

Do you and DH drive? Could you take turns so one takes the kids out for a drive and walk while the other gets a couple of hours sleep?

Put them in tights if they pull socks off........

I was a lone parent to 2 under 2. I get it. Co sleep. I had a super king-size bed. We all piled in about 8 every night, and slept the best we could. Not ideal, but we coped. Get up and out every day. Rain never hurt anyone. Double buggy and dog walked twice a day. Puddle suits and at the stables sorting the horses. Fresh air is good for the immune system and sleep! Microwave meals will do. You can't do it all. Accept that and half the battle is won.

Hi OP. So sorry you're having such a shit time. My DD is the same re sleep. She won't sleep unless I'm in the room with her. Otherwise she wakes every 40 mins. Not having an evening is so annoying!! I've started just sitting in the room with her and watching something on the laptop or listening to a podcast with a cup of tea.

I agree re cleaner if you can afford - for stuff like the kitchen and bathroom it's really helpful. Also having time to yourself - an hour or 2 on the weekend- where you can be alone and relax (not catching up on housework) can really help.

If those things aren't possible, I just want to say that you're going a grand job and it's so flippin hard some days!

Urgh the weather, the ages, the general grind, yeh totally shite op. Any chance you have a willing parent / in-law or family member who could give you a bit of down time? I've said this before on here, I absolutely loathed the early years, I don't feel at all guilty saying it, and I don't have any regrets about wishing those days and years away. However my dc are now teens, and they are totally awesome; polite, conscientious, helpful and very mindful of others, I'm so proud of the people they are becoming, of course they are also human, so like me they can be a right PITA! But hang on in there, it does get easier, but right now you are in the hardest slog zone of parenthood.
I don't know if they are still available, but when mine where little I was given something called 'socks-on' brilliant invention, it wont work for your toddler, but unless your 11 month old is Houdini, the socks will stay on!

Everything is shit when you are so sleep deprived with no light at the end of the tunnel. I remember hitting absolute rock bottom when my first was that age, and that was without an older child to run around after. Of course you are feeling awful, you are coping with an incredibly difficult situation. You need to sleep. Can your OH do all the wake ups for one night? Yes, it will be hard for him, yes the baby probably will cry a lot, but you NEED to get some sleep and time to yourself.

I just want to say that you are doing a fantastic job. You really are. It’s the toughest job in the world. It will pass I promise. You aren’t alone. You are only human and can only do so much.

It will get better. It really will. In a very short time, you will be fine. You are a good mum. Spring is almost here.

No sane member of the public will think about your DC's socks.

I’m not gona lie, I feel like I get a rest now im
back at work!

my now 17 month old was a terrible sleeper. Settled down around 14 months but still have teething and illness to contend with so still lots of broken sleep. We reluctantly co-sleep so not much of an evening here either!

Things I do that help. Repetitive meals for 4 days a week so less thinking and can batch cook! Freezer tea once a week and nicer food at weekend.

Accept house will never be as clean as I would want it to be. I have decluttered but due another sort out of baby clothes!

I get my older kids to help and do a wash a day start to finish to keep on top of laundry!

Yup. The shit reality of working mums and if we're not grateful for the exhaustion and endless stress we're highly criticised. It only gets worse.
Find out what works best for you and block out any noise.

Sorry it’s so shit OP, it is shit.

I’ve no advice, I imagine you are already doing everything you can to survive in some sort of reasonable state.

Not having an evening and not sleeping is horrific enough but this time of year with the rain and illness are just icing on the shit cake.

❤️💐