I don’t want to do this any more

[Namechangeforthiss]

I have 2 children. One in reception one is 11 months.

I am the most stressed and miserable I have ever been in my life, and have been since the youngest turned 4 months.

The house is a mess no matter how much I clean and tidy. It rains all day every day so going anywhere is fucking impossible (90% of the kids stuff here is outdoors and the rest is expensive). The kids just cry, tantrum, fight sleep, follow me around, the oldest nags me senseless and just talks at me 24/7.

The baby had his settling in at nursery last week and is already ill and on antibiotics. I have my first day back at work tomorrow and fuck knows if I’ll even be able to go. Probably not. DP took parental leave last week when he was ill so I could run some essential errands and go to a meeting. So I guess tomorrow will be on me.

I don’t sleep. The baby wakes constantly and is up for the day at 5-6am. It’s worse now he’s unwell.

I just don’t want to do any of this any more. I don’t feel cut out to be a parent. My emotional reserves are at an all time low, I’m impatient, shouty and stressed all the time, not to mention exhausted.

To stave off the inevitable suggestions I have nobody I can ask to watch them. We’ve tried sleep training. I don’t want to ‘lower my standards’ because who wants a crawling baby on a dirty floor or mess everywhere? What exactly am I supposed to neglect - clean clothes, clean crockery, clean floors, clean bedding?

DP pulls his weight but it’s not enough. We’re both constantly dealing with the kids or cleaning up after them.

I just want to close my eyes and not wake up a lot of the time.

Just wanted to say op, this was me a year ago. It got to a point where I went out in the car one evening and almost just drove away.

A year on, things are a lot easier than they were. Not perfect obviously, but much much better.

Kid's sleeping is better, house is finally looking tidier, my mood is much brighter.

It does get better 💐

I would drive away but I can’t drive.

Currently sat listening to DS make the awful shrieking noise he does when he’s overtired as DD whinges because he scratched her when play got too excitable

House is a mess, toys and cups everywhere crumbs all over the floor

Was up at 5am so like a zombie and hardly got any work done

Now have to do the long tea and bedtime routine before I can think about cleaning up, let alone resting myself

I hate my life and kick myself for the decisions I made

It does get easier. I have one DS currently pregnant with second and am dreading it. I want a child but the not sleeping bit ....hell.

I went to sleep at 6pm with mine . The first sleep is always the longest.
Time with DH was lunch break at work. We would meet up somewhere between the two workplaces and have a lunch date .
Food we ate ready meals constantly.
It started to get better around the 1 year mark. But he is now 8 and still get-up at 5am.

Oh this stage sucks op. Mine is 6 and I wouldn't go back a few years if you paid me grandly for it. It's utterly soul destroying I just felt detached from reality and in mourning every day for my old life. I hear ya ❤️

When I felt that bad I allowed myself a total no-effort parenting day (or two) - TV on as soon as we woke up while I lay on sofa and dozed, easy freezer meals and resting when they napped, low standards on cleaning, a solo walk around the town when DP got home and could take over for a bit, then an early night for us all.

And usually after a day or two of that I'd feel a bit more energised and ready to face the day. Also go to the GP and speak to health visitor.

Thanks all. Just posting is quite therapeutic.

I’ve shamelessly put the kids to bed already, the baby will fall asleep quickly as he’s exhausted from his third day of nursery and DP is reading to our oldest.

I love my children. If somebody handed me them fed, changed, rested and ready for a day out or even just to play, I would choose them over anything else. It’s not them, it’s the drudgery - I hope other mums can relate to this. It’s the torturous lack of sleep, the endless mess, the monotony of making endless snacks/meals/drinks, wiping 2 arses other than your own, the constant effort to keep on top of toys and clothes and make sure they both have everything they need while not being buried alive by junk. I can accept a level of mess but the rate at which DISGUSTING mess - smears of food on the walls, baked beans trodden into the floor, mud from the pram wheels and scooters in the hallway, the smell of the nappy bin - just appears is utterly depressing.

Just one trip out requires a bag being packed, a nappy change, a toilet trip for DD, the rigmarole of getting them both plus pram into the car, thinking ahead to whether we are going to miss nap time, then getting them all home, having to put shoes and socks back on DD just to walk from car to house because she takes them off and throws them in her car seat, back out for the pram, into the house, shoes and coats thrown everywhere, a bag full of wrappers and nappies and sippy cups to empty, mud from the pram wheels cleaned off the hallway as it never stops fucking raining…

I mean, it’s fucking awful

Vitamin D supplements (I was deficient without realising, especially at this time of year with so little sunlight) helped me a lot.
Also co sleeping.
Reducing bedtime routine (books in afternoon not at bedtime)
Baths before tea not after
Sandwiches and fruit/rice pudding/nothing tomatoey for supper
Big mat in hall for buggy mud which I just shook out every now and then.
Main Nappy bin outside big bin with heavy lid on..regular decanting, so no smell.
Afternoon naps for all of you rather than chores on any days off work.
Batch cooking and defrosting boring dishes like mash, macaroni cheese, cauliflower cheese, cottage pie for kids.
Regular telly picnics every now and then.
You are doing so well with all the fresh air too.

Reduce toys too.
Rotate in big boxes don't put much out.
No ironing.
No floor washing even...just wipe up obvious crud.
Have inner wear and outdoor muddy grimey trousers...hang up to dry and reuse. Same indoors clothes two or three days in row. Big bibs covering sleeves.

Please don't feel bad about saying this either OP. I was lucky having a really good sleeping son (he's now 25) as I had to go back to work at 13 weeks - but he then was a total nightmare from 2 to 3- would not go to sleep unless you were lying on his floor for hours!!! And the minute you went to make a move he woke up up . I don't remember any evening for a whole year were I was downstairs before 10pm. I wasn't sleep deprived but I did feel enjoyment of life deprived.

Don't feel guilty about easy meal options or the house being less than perfect. Get a cleaner in for 2 hours every 3 weeks just do do a deep clean on floors, bathrooms and kitchen

Send out the adult ironing

And most of all if working make sure it doesn't all fall on you- involve your H and insist on it- sadly I didn't take my own advice on that.

Just came to show some solidarity, my youngest has been constantly ill over the last few weeks and I've already used all of my childcare days for the year. its March ffs! Had a mini meltdown earlier this week and got myself signed off, i just don't have the energy to do it all, I can't remember what a decent night's sleep feels like. Praying life gets easier for us and anyone else who is struggling ❤️

@Namechangeforthiss I literally word for word just did this. Had to take eldest to swimming. Which means carting the baby who had a runny nose and meant she woke up at 530. It's endless. But I also got a bonus lecture from DH on how I never wash up the bottles properly so that was fun. I swear we get through 5 or 6 changes of clothes a day and I don't even think I'm that fastidious but I'm just going to put them down for a nap in dirty clothes or out in public.

Once I stopped BFing my husband and I took nights in turn. Every night one of us would be in with the child in her room and the other would be in our own bed with industrial-standard ear plugs in. It just meant that each of us got a proper night's sleep every other night. Is that an option?

Far out OP, you are in the trenches. Your posts sound like me 7 years ago, and I only had one child. You are actually doing brilliantly in a sense.

No advice other than what's been said already. Just a massive hand hold. Hang in there.

OP, I couldn't written your posts myself.
DS has NEVER been a good sleeper. I remember saying as he was a very small baby, he isn't sleeping. He doesn't sleep! Who said babies sleep 18 hours a day? Not him!
I've just had my 3rd baby- and he does actually sleep! ...not at the moment as he has a cold. But otherwise he does.

Elder DS is 23 months next week, hasn't napped regularly in tge day for as long as I can remember. If he does it's in the car. He is generally awake from 6am until 11pm. Doesn't matter what we do.

When you have children that need constant supervision, and don't sleep, housework is nigh on impossible. I ask DH for help, he either takes the kids, or I ask him to do some chores. Standards have certainly dropped, but we do have tasks that are non negotiable too.
I am glad you're returning to work, the ability to be able to wee or have a hot drink will do you good. As will removing yourself from the overwhelm for a few hours each day.

You never know, nursery may well re-set things.a bit.

Can you leave the youngest at nursery a few extra hours a week to do housework alone? Sorry I don't think you said what your working schedule will be going forward.