Not picking my kids up from school?

[TramTime]

In fact I know I'm not.

DH is being fucking ridiculous.

My kids are 13 and 15. We recently moved and to get home without a car lift they need to use public transport or walk 50 mins.

DH drops them off and picks them up everyday.
Occasionally he has work commitments so cannot.

Since moving I have met them at school the 2 times this has happened because they've never used the tram system before, so I just showed them where to get on/where to get off/what ticket to buy so they don't get a fine etc

He's just said he can't pick them up 2 days this week. I said I will make sure to give them tram fare and he said I should go meet them.

I said no. There's kids in year 7 that get the tram. They're old enough to just come home.

He said 'it's not a huge inconvenience to you!!' but it fucking is. It's an hour out of my day that's unnecessary, they're way, way, way old enough.

My son is very young minded and a mummy's boy so he would probably want me to meet him but last time I met them my daughter was obviously embarrassed getting on the tram with her mum with all her peers around.

And I don't blame her!!

I only did it a couple of times to show them the ropes and now they need to do it on their own.

The thing that pissed me off most is him making out like I'm just being lazy and refusing because I can't be arsed.

They're not primary kids. They don't need me to go!!

AIBU to think a 13 and 15 year old don't need escorting home?

He's way too over protective.

DD goes to town alone with her mates and all sorts!

I used to walk to get to school early just so I could hang out with my friends and do the math homework I didn't do the night before. pretty sure these teens will survive the ride and walk that many other kids their age also take.

I live in the North East and my 15yo has got himself home from London before!

He's being unreasonable, and it's a life skill they do need to get their heads around...

A 45 minute walk or tram ride is nothing. Many secondary aged children travel up to an hour utilising one or two methods of transport plus walking. Doing this supports the development of independence, money management, independent travel, communication skills, health and so on. All vital skills which a secondary aged child should be learning.

Our job as parents is to make sure our children can survive adulthood on their own.

At 15 my son and his friend travelled 40 miles away by bus and train to watch a comedian in a big stadium. They had phones, location on and txt to say they got there, on their way back. I cant believe your husband won't let come home from school on their own thats a 15 mins tram ride, wheres their life skills?

Mine was walking the mile to school in Primary and I used to get the bus to school aged 11. Your DH is being silly.

Yes, he's already done the journey with an adult so knows the route, anymore building up than that would be more appropriate for a 10 year old.

My sister was separated from a parent in town at 13, having just moved to the country where she didn't speak the language and didn't yet have a phone. She managed to get public transport home.

Eldest dc was flying solo at age 12 (BA, before they raised it to 14) and got the public bus to school from aged 8. I cannot even fathom a reason why your DH thinks it's a good idea to be coddling kids the age of yours. In some US states your 15 year old could be driving themselves to school!!

YANBU and he is doing them no favours at all by babying them in this way.

I was getting the train 20 minutes to school at 9. My DF took me the first day to show me where to go and after that I was on my own. When DB started a couple of years later I took him. It really helped us to become independent at an early age. Our DP separated around the same time that DB changed school and we were able to get ourselves across the city to meet up with DF one day a week after school.

The irony of parents not encouraging independence in their DC really hit me when I was a school governor. One of the other governors had a 16 year old who was doing DofE and at one meeting the DP asked whether the school minibus would be picking up the pupils from further out for that weekend's expedition. The governor was going away for the weekend and needed to know where the 16 year old was staying on the Friday night - with someone local to home if the minibus was picking up or someone close to the school if it wasn't. There was a very reliable and regular direct bus service which stopped in their small home town and could have dropped the DC a few metres from the school.

At the risk of being all "back in my day" 😅 I had no choice but to walk the 45mins too/from school. No way in hell was my mum paying for the bus when I had perfectly good legs!

The only time we were ever picked up was if we had somewhere to be after school like the dentist

Your attitude is unreasonable. It's slightly Why TF should I put myself out? It's not "I want to support my children becoming more independent". This is not about the tram, it's probably more about your parenting style.

To be fair, the Americans are, in general, actually far worse than the British for coddling kids, they just make a special exception for driving while freaking out about every other possible (tiny) risk in life.

YANBU. Unless either of the children have increased vulnerability, they can dafely navigate theway home using public transport. However, it could be important for them to be involved in the decision and feel that they a re being empowered and that giving them more independence is demonstrating how much you trust them and respect their ability.

Assuming no special needs then of course they can do this, along with a bunch of other kids who will be doing the same. A great way to make new friends, become more independent and give them a sense of responsibility. Also, more of a break from school rather than just getting into a car, exercise, interaction etc. They will be travelling together most days, the one day they're not I'm sure he has a mobile phone to keep in touch. Your dh sounds over protective. Xx

At 11 I did a two bus, 90 minute trip to school. You are right, they will be fine. More than that, they absolutely should be doing it.

These are actual life skills they need to learn, your husband is holding them back. When does he expect them to learn some independence. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

They can definitely get home on their own. Ask them how they feel about it. My granddaughter has missed to school and back since she started secondary school.