Not picking my kids up from school?

[TramTime]

In fact I know I'm not.

DH is being fucking ridiculous.

My kids are 13 and 15. We recently moved and to get home without a car lift they need to use public transport or walk 50 mins.

DH drops them off and picks them up everyday.
Occasionally he has work commitments so cannot.

Since moving I have met them at school the 2 times this has happened because they've never used the tram system before, so I just showed them where to get on/where to get off/what ticket to buy so they don't get a fine etc

He's just said he can't pick them up 2 days this week. I said I will make sure to give them tram fare and he said I should go meet them.

I said no. There's kids in year 7 that get the tram. They're old enough to just come home.

He said 'it's not a huge inconvenience to you!!' but it fucking is. It's an hour out of my day that's unnecessary, they're way, way, way old enough.

My son is very young minded and a mummy's boy so he would probably want me to meet him but last time I met them my daughter was obviously embarrassed getting on the tram with her mum with all her peers around.

And I don't blame her!!

I only did it a couple of times to show them the ropes and now they need to do it on their own.

The thing that pissed me off most is him making out like I'm just being lazy and refusing because I can't be arsed.

They're not primary kids. They don't need me to go!!

AIBU to think a 13 and 15 year old don't need escorting home?

He's way too over protective.

DD goes to town alone with her mates and all sorts!

YANBU

I, like most kids, got the bus by myself to school aged 11.

I now see all the school kids on the bus to school by themselves.

At 15, I was getting 2 buses across the city to do voluntary work.’ I also flew to south america by myself.

Literally don’t understand what the problem is.

Not fair that your son has to wait 45 mins for his sister just because you don't want to collect them. Go and collect him that day. You say they are old enough to come home by themselves but contradict yourself regarding your 13 year old.

He often stays at school with his friends to do his homework on that day so his dad can pick them both up together in the car so it's no different to his usual routine.

And it's good as he gets his homework done in the library without distraction.

I said they're old enough yes, but again, he's never made the journey without an adult so for the first few journeys it would be better for him to do it with his sister.

Stuff like this is why pay-per-mile road pricing cannot come fast enough. Tell Dad that these teenagers need to walk or take the tram. Better for their health and independence. You’re lucky to have a tram in a British city - take advantage of it!

And if I collected them both he would have to wait with me at the tram stop for 45 mins until his sister comes out.

So how can you tell me to go collect them but not put provisions in place so they come out at the same time?

Actually I think this is also OTT and at 13, he should be travelling by himself.

What do you think kids without siblings do, or siblings who attend different schools like my brother and I did?

I can't believe that you're husband thinks it's OK to clog up the school traffic with an extra unneeded car when there is a perfectly good tram available.

They are both old enough to go to school by themselves. Does their dad take them just because they want him to? Or maybe he likes taking them. Perhaps that is a habit that needs to be broken.

So you don’t drive then? I don’t think it’s necessary for you to take the tram and meet them really. Do they have form for getting lost?

I was telling my kids yesterday how it was seen as extremely embarrassing to be picked up by your parents when I was at school. If they had to, it had to be at least 5-10minutes walk away to reduce the embarrassment.

Your 15yo has said she's fine.
Your 13yo would probably manage fine alone, but if the first time travelling with his sister is more comfortable for him, that is a good solution.

Your partner needs to let them grow up.

What a ridiculous suggestion. This is very restrictive and means she would have to timetable her day around collecting teenagers who are old enough to use public transport alone.

Tbh,it's very clear you've already made up your mind and just want MN validation.

Well, given only one person on the first page of posters didn't agree with OP, you cant possibly know that. If everyone had disagreed, perhaps OP would have said "thanks for giving my head a wobble."

Of course that didn't happen, because this is about two teenagers going home from school independently, which they ought to be encouraged to do. Especially a child almost old enough for a part time job!

I also think your dh is not doing your dcs any favours. Your 15 yo will be looking after your 13 yo for a while then when he’s used to the route, he will be able to do it alone, either this September or next if your dd has GCSEs and isn’t staying on for A levels.

I would see what my kids want to do.

Obviously there is a reason why DH does it and it does sound like the youngest is quite vulnerable.

They absolutely need to start doing it but it’s only 2 days a week and you need to build up to it.

I would do it this time but then have a plan put in place that by X date they will start getting the tram home and just get lifts in the morning.
And then once they’re ok with doing that for a couple of weeks then make a plan about them doing it in the mornings too.

I think if DH has done it all of this time, the least you can do is just do it twice, for your kids sake.

She has done it twice to show them the route and help them get confident travelling independently. Her daughter was embarrassed by this. She has carried out your plan already and feels the kids are ready for the next step.

She should embarrass the DC escorting them on the tram in front of their school friends otherwise she's lazy?! Ok then...

She's only saying for the first few times. If he didn't have a sister she may have collected him a couple more times. She says he is young for his age so may need a bit more support.

Of course they should get the tram.
They need to learn to use public transport and to navigate independently. It doesn't sound like it is a tricky journey to do!

Letting a 13 and 15 year old learn independence is not laziness, it's good parenting.

They are 13 and 15, it doesn’t need “building up” over 2 weeks unless they are unbelievably sheltered and lacking in common sense. Which is what they will be if they continue being escorted by a parent in their teens. 11 was the age to do this.

Once or twice is ample to show the route to teenagers of this age. I’m surprised they’re not mortified at what’s been happening!

I mean, good? Because the alternative is continuing this ludicrous situation.

So instead she should create lazy DCs by pandering to them and l picking them up?!

Are you serious? Teaching independence is not lazy treating teenagers like babies is not helping them.

Why should you collect them? How odd that he's so fixated on this. Is he paranoid in general about them going out with mates etc? It would be mortifying for them to take the tram with their Mum as all the others will be alone. Just tell him they need to be independent and at 16 they can have children or join the Army, so to fail to trust them to safely get home from school is ridiculous. I think unless there's a disability, all kids from year 7 should be able to make their own way to and from school.