Not picking my kids up from school?

[TramTime]

In fact I know I'm not.

DH is being fucking ridiculous.

My kids are 13 and 15. We recently moved and to get home without a car lift they need to use public transport or walk 50 mins.

DH drops them off and picks them up everyday.
Occasionally he has work commitments so cannot.

Since moving I have met them at school the 2 times this has happened because they've never used the tram system before, so I just showed them where to get on/where to get off/what ticket to buy so they don't get a fine etc

He's just said he can't pick them up 2 days this week. I said I will make sure to give them tram fare and he said I should go meet them.

I said no. There's kids in year 7 that get the tram. They're old enough to just come home.

He said 'it's not a huge inconvenience to you!!' but it fucking is. It's an hour out of my day that's unnecessary, they're way, way, way old enough.

My son is very young minded and a mummy's boy so he would probably want me to meet him but last time I met them my daughter was obviously embarrassed getting on the tram with her mum with all her peers around.

And I don't blame her!!

I only did it a couple of times to show them the ropes and now they need to do it on their own.

The thing that pissed me off most is him making out like I'm just being lazy and refusing because I can't be arsed.

They're not primary kids. They don't need me to go!!

AIBU to think a 13 and 15 year old don't need escorting home?

He's way too over protective.

DD goes to town alone with her mates and all sorts!

Of course they should get themselves to school and back. I’d be mortified if my parents had picked me up when I was a teen. And think of all that unnecessary pollution given you live in a city, that’s shameful.

I would pick him up until he's confident enough not to need his sister. It doesn't have to be both kids or none and it sounds like you don't think he is ready.

They may not always finish at the same time so what will happen then?
Why did you move much further away from their school?

I'm glad my mom never picked me up or dropped me off to school. I had to get two buses. It really helped me become independent and I enjoyed hanging out with my friends after school rather than having to rush off because someones waiting to collect me.

Your husband is being ridiculous. They're 13 and 15, FFS.

My mum drove me to school every day, but that was because she was a teacher there. I wasn't an especially confident child, but even so by age 13 if a lift wasn't available I travelled independently on public transport - two buses, with a change in a rather unsavoury urban bus station, total travel time about 1 hour.

They’re not finishing at the same time on one of the days their father can’t pick them up this week, and they’ve worked out a solution. So not a major issue. Plus, like most secondary aged kids, they can manage the journey on their own once they’re used to it.
It’s a 7 min tram ride away, not a million miles. Most kids have a commute to their secondary school. Mine will have to get a 45 min bus.

I think it is 'unfair' to the DC to pick them up. Negotiating public transport and its vagaries as well as mixing with classmates on the tram/ train/bus is a necessary skill as is walking home and sorting oneself out once there. I live in an area where some DC have very convoluted journeys to and from school , the only parents taking and picking up are those who pass the school gate on their way to work .it is really not the done thing for parents to baby their DC in this way and I am quite surprised that your DC don't complain.

At 13 and 15 it's perfectly reasonable to expect them to be able to get a tram home. Your DH is being ridiculous 🙄 is he controlling about other areas of your/their life? It just seems very odd?

You're being entirely reasonable OP. They're old enough to make their own way home.

And what if one starts a club after school etc?

All that ‘needs’ to be done here is a practice with him on the same journey one weekend.

As parents surely our duty is to bring up our DC to become independent adults. How do we fulfill that if they are always driven from door to door even when there is a simple alternative?

Could you find a safe cycle route for them?

One is at a club after school, the OP has already said this. The other will wait in the library until she’s done. In any case, I’m sure at some point the 13 year old will be happy to do the journey on his own.

I would’ve been absolutely mortified if I was your daughter and had to get picked up to ride public transport at 15. 100% the 15 year old makes her own way home.

I think this comes down to whether your daughter is competent enough to always take your son - especially if he is a bit less mature for his age. When I was 15 I wouldn’t have wanted my little brother cramping my style at all, but if she is mature for her age and you trust her to always wait for him then 100% let them go together.

I hate to go all ‘in my day’ (very early 2000 for secondary) but from age 11 I had to get the school bus to and from school, 10 miles
away. If I missed it either way, it was a mile walk to/from the school to the public
bus stop (very dodgy walk through back fields). Mum left the house at 8am and often wasn’t home until past 6pm so it was absolutely tough titties on a lift (her office was 6 miles in the totally opposite direction and had another child to drop off on the way). I will be running around for my sen kids for many years to come, but that aside it’s absolutely healthy and quite necessary to start getting about independently as a teen. I met a few adults over the last few years who absolutely panic at the idea of going between buses and trains, it’s really not doing the kids any favours.

I know I can read.
Things change is all I am pointing out.

Yes, your DH is clipping their wings and babying them. It's him who needs to change his approach, not you.

A firm no from me and the main deciding factor for me would be not to embarrass your kids

I don’t understand why you’re pointing it out though. Everyone knows that things change. And when they do, their arrangements for getting home will also have to change 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Unless public transport or walking just isn't possible, or it's ultra convenient for the parent to give them a lift (eg if the parent passes the school on their drive to work) most kids travel to/from school independently from the day they start secondary school at 11.

I don't know anyone who goes to collect their teenager from school every day. I think a lot of teenagers would be a bit embarrassed to be collected for no good reason when all their mates were getting the bus/tram or walking home together.

Eh? What difference does it make? They're 13 and 15, they don't need to travel as a pair.

And they don't actually live very far from their school at all. If it's a 50-minute walk, that's only a couple of miles at most. A perfectly normal distance for a child to live from their secondary school. Most kids don't live a stone's throw from their secondary school.

Even the 13 year old should be fine to do the trip on public transport given you've already done it with him a couple of times. Also I don't understand why you would need to wait at the tram stop for 45 minutes. They are both perfectly old enough to walk 15 minutes home on their own! My 13 year old does a paper round and gets the train to and from school with a 15 min walk at each end. Same as majority of his year group.
My 15 year old flew to Spain on her own (being met by a friend's family) at the age of 14. Your DH seriously needs to adjust his expectations of what is acceptable for teenagers.

Can tell by your replies you’re horrified that a 13 & 15 year old should travel alone on public transport, can just imagine you’ll be chauffeuring yours to over 18’s nights out still 🙄 A 13 year old is fine travelling alone on public transport, you’re only restricting them gaining common sense 🤦🏼‍♀️ There’s a reason teens/ adults are stupid af these days, it’s due to OTT parents not making them have a bit of cop on 😏

OP YANBU
Fair enough if they didn't know how to do it, but you've shown them, they'll travel home together (as you say, youngest would have to wait 45 mins ANYWAY for eldest to finish activity, even if being picked up)
Some people on MN either don't live in the real world or just like picking a fight for no reason.
They're fine to get home, I wouldn't be driving an hours round trip to fetch them at that age either.